I was prepping pogiBoy for school the other day and noticed he was looking intently at my face.

pogiBoy: Mum (holding my face), you look old.

He hugged me tight and said:

“I don’t want you and dad to be old. You’re the best mum and dad ever…”

I’m not really sure what he means & where that came from – but man I feel old.

It wasn’t only my pocket that was hurting last week, I came down with flu! I couldn’t believe it. London was suffering from heatwave and I can barely sit up.

I thought it was just the Monday-blues but by midday, I had to excuse myself and go on home. When pogiBoy came home, he also had a slight temp.

My entire body muscle was in pain because of very dry cough. My throat hurt so much I didn’t want to eat.

When I called the GP, I told the receptionist I want to make sure it’s not swine flu. She said the advise for swine flu was to stay home. I asked “How are we going to know it’s swine fle? Are you coming over here to check & give us our meds?”

After a brief silence she said, “You can come in at 11am”.

The doctor was surprisingly nice. He gave me some amoxicillin for the coughing & said pogiBoy doesn’t need one because his is viral – yes his favourite diagnosis for pogiBoy.

After 2 days, pogiBoy also developed coughing. Last Friday he was also given amoxicillin.

pogiBoy was probably so sick of being cooped up at home, he cried on Friday saying he doesn’t want to be sick anymore. He said his head and his throat hurt but he wanted to go back to school.

Thank God, he’s fever settled over the weekend. We’re both back to “work” today, my cough’s not as bad.

I’ve forgotten how to be sick. Gaadd… I don’t like it.

My neighbour woke me up with an early phone call. She asked “weren’t you supposed to see Michael Jackson in o2?”

I said yes, we are booked for January 2010. “Well”, she says slowly and slightly amused, “he died yesterday”.

I can’t believe it. I was really hoping to see him before he goes. I even planned for it to be pogiBoy’s first concert.

I hope & pray his kids will be okay, that they don’t suffer like he did. Perhaps their mum’s well-grounded & they’ll be able to live normally.

That’s the home I grew up in. I often romanticize how this shack came to be. I’d like to think Tatay lovingly built it by hand. How Nanay must have asked him to add one more room and another year after year.

I was used to sleeping on the floor. First where the sala was. Then next to my sisters’ papag. Then next to Nanay’s room. I didn’t really have a bed of my own until I went to University. But I did graduate from floor to papag to cushioned bed by the time I entered high school.

Our first pieces of furnitures were a mixture of hand-me-downs and DYI. An old office table was used for dining. Tatay made two long chairs that aren’t really benches. We had an old black-and-white television which occupied half of the living room because of the size of its wooden casing. We ram it with our fists to get better reception.

The routine was simple growing up. Each of us had a chore and since I was the youngest, I have the “easiest” tasks. I wax the floor and buff it with cloth and bunot (coconut husk). I swear that’s the reason why my calves are pamalo ng palos in size. I was on “morning duty” too. That meant boiling water, buying pandesal and butter, fetching water from our poso and filling our water jars. From memory our drinking water was cool and sweet but I don’t think I’ll dare drink poso water now, even if it comes from the cleanest tapayan. Read more »

Hayfever is the bane of my life. The last 5 years were cursed, I dreaded going out of the house. I felt humiliated when I’m in enclosed spaces because I sniff, snort & sneeze my way home. Often my eyes are so itchy, red & raw that I do look positively dying. I often often pray and beg God that if I have to lose my job, that it doesn’t fall in the summer time.

It irritates me no end when someone completely ignorant of hayfever, or those who have vague ideas about it, act as if they can’t believe I have done nothing about this plague.

Most of the time I just say “yeah I suffer a fate worst than others“. But nooohhh, these people are intent to discuss the subject. As if I have not thought to ask my GP for “stronger” medication.

I have exhausted every means at my disposal to ease my suffering. I drank disgusting concoctions. I  have tried more expensive non-NHS desensitization treatments. And last year up until Spring 09 I was doing more pricking-with-needles treatment with NHS. It was only stopped because it’s already peak season & the recommendation was to continue in Autumn.

Now that I am cured I can breathe & not worry so much. BUT I am still affected by pollens. So when a colleague said yesterday that my hayfever was bad, I had to laugh. Bad?? This is me cured!

Scene at breakfast this morning…

Me to pogiBoy: I have an interview today and let’s pray to Jesus He helps me.

pogiBoy: Why?

Me: Because the questions might be tough and I need to answer correctly so I can get the job.

pogiBoy: Okay. Pauses then says… I know!… Use your brains.

He gets off his chair, comes to me & touches my forehead as if flicking on a switch.

pogiBoy: There. Switch your brain on.

Now I’m even more ready for that interview.

Thank God! I’ve found the combination that works for my hayfever.

The key is this new medicine, Levoceterizine. My itchy eyes are not so bad. Some days, I don’t get itchy eyes at all!

However, I was still Darth Vader, breathing through the mouth the whole time. A church member recommended this OTC nasal spray. I said I tried it before as well as most OTC & prescription nasal spray with no joy. But I bought one anyway.

What have I got lose anyway?

One scratch of a miracle… I managed to sleep through the night with clear airways on my first try. The following morning was the first summer morning in many years that I woke up with a clear throat.

Today is only my second day but I am happy and confident now. I need not worry anymore about looking sick during job interviews or being lightheaded at work.

My arsenal is complete with Optrex Eye Spray. It helps soothe my itchy eyes or what threatens to be one. And for shortness of breath or tightening of the chest which instigates coughing I still have Bricanyl from my cancelled hay fever desensitation treatment.

You wouldn’t understand my joy and relief if you haven’t suffered as much as I did or don’t know anyone who did. But oh! The release!! Ahh finally I can live normally.

Are you a Pinoy/Pinay from the 80′s? If you’re a telly-addict like myself, then you would be familiar with this old show called “Joey and Son” starring Joey de Leon and a very young Ian Veneracion.

My kababata is a spitting image of Ian especially when we were kids. We’re talking 4-6 year olds here. He still looks like Ian now only rougher but not in a good way.

Marlon and I were friends with his cousin, She. The three of us would play all sorts of games like taguang pung, bahay-bahayan, langit-lupa-impyerno, etc etc. We’d spend hours in our silong looking for dropped coins or catching spiders.

We even went to the barangay Day Care together but Marlon and I didn’t last long. He didn’t like it period. I didn’t like the lugaw they made us eat & the kids smelt bad.

He would often be the Tatay in our games but will also do the cooking, because I sucked at the traditional Nanay role. He can actually light the fire and cook boiled rice & veg in my palayok-palayukan.

Though we were friends, we’d often fight for silly reasons. We’d call each other names like bruha, bayawak and he’ll always end up crying. When any of his family hears him fighting with me, they’d be sure to give him a knock on the head or a generous twisting of his ear.

But he was a gentleman. I learnt to count really late and knew even less about money so he’d go with me to the store and count my change for me. He’d never look at me when Nanay insists on giving me a bath at our artesian well. He’d pump with his head looking the other way, while I stare at him making sure his head stayed that way.

We played  less and less as we grew older. By the time I entered a private primary school, we barely talked. Then my family moved to a different street and  we saw each other less. Read more »

I have decided to change a couple of things in myself and in my life. Yeah, this is going to be a sappy post.

Q4 2008 my watch stopped ticking. After 26 years, I decided I don’t need one anymore. My mobile phone tells me the date and time anyway. I hate the habit I developed of always looking at my wristwatch when I’m not doing anything or worse when I’m doing something & I seem to time every action, every word.

I thought it would be difficult. I hate being late, I am a stickler for following schedules, but nothing has changed. I felt liberated. Okay I’m not completely free, I do check my phone for time. But now I’m not chained. When I’m in church or in a meeting, I don’t have the urge to whip out my phone ‘just to check the time’. I can concentrate more.

I have also made the biggest jump of my life. It’s a move I have never thought I will ever do.

I’ve become a Born-again Christian.

There are many definitions about what it means to be a born-again. Here are some. In Pinas they’re called by so many derogatory terms. People would say “ayan na yung praise-the-lord“. Praning.  I wasn’t very fond of them either. Some of them badger you, others walk and talk like you’re all condemned.  Sila lang ang masasagip.

I insisted that they have no monopoly over the term “Christian”. Catholics, Baptists, x-tists… We’re all Christians because we believe Jesus Christ is God’s Holy Son. Actually I still think this.

The difference though is the real acceptance. You know, accepting that He is your Saviour and accepting everything that follows after that declaration.

I have been feeling lost and without direction for a long time. The Sunday masses at the Catholic church weren’t sufficient. I tried to get in touch with some Catholic groups but to no avail.

It’s a long story how I have finally decided to make the jump of all jumps. But all I can say is I have never been happier and more at peace with myself  (and the world). Finally I really know I cannot control everything, I don’t need to. He’s in-charge.

I’m not holier than everyone else. I’m still me. I’m just better.

And you know what? I still want to change. There’s a lot of work to do.

We’re very close to either receiving a lifeline or receiving the dreaded redundancy letter.

I came in Monday and there was a huge browning map on a table near the boardroom. When I asked what it was for, they said it was the map of the DDay landing in Normandy that Bossing put there for everyone to see. Everyone meaning the German Bossing.

All PC huh? Jops folded it up.

So I have had two successful first stage interviews. I was confident, the situational questions brought out my seasoned expertise — naks! Then the agents called me this week and told me I’m not having further meetings with the people. Apparently they received more applicants than expected and a couple were more senior or more experienced than me. Dang!

God Blessing though both interviewers gave me glowing recommendations with the agents. Basically securing me a name recall in case they come across other job openings that might suit me. I had the presence of mind to tell one not to pigeonhole me with management positions, “I’m very much a hands-on tester. If you have a blah blah blah”. God’s will, I’m waiting for confirmation on my next interview given by this agent.

It’s not all rosy though, my third interview last week stank big time. But let’s focus on the positive here!

Next week, you and I will know if I will jobless next month. And God-willing, a week after, we will learn if I will be receiving my next paycheck from a better job.

——-

X’S

So… walang announcement. Wait daw kami nang 2 weeks pa. Aray.

On the bright side, lahat nang top bossing confident. Pati yung target funding positive ang sinabi. At least ang assurance niya kung matuloy ang deal ang financial support e 2 years hindi months or 1 year lang.

Sundan ang susunod na kabanata…