I was thinking of how to best open this post… Should I grovel? Should I detail my husband’s diagnosis-operation-recovery?

Maybe I should just say - THANK YOU - to all those who commented, emailed, SMS’d their concerns.

A thousand pardons please for ignoring your blogs and not bothering to answer all your comments.

When I joined my current job I knew we will be insanely busy this year, but I didn’t realise I’d be up to my neck with family-related situations, too. So Blogging had to take the back seat. Family and work come first.

There are a couple of things I need to catch-up on quick but I have no idea how fast I can find out:

1. Have I been kicked out of PMN?

2. Has Sassy released her cookbook yet?

3. What is Angel’s book about?

4. How is Ana’s pregnancy?

5. How is J’s lovelife?

But first newsflash: We’re not going to Pinas this year. We cancelled it due to hubby’s operation. We’re going home next year daw.

So there, first post done & it’s about thanking all of you for checking my blog out & for forgiving me for not visiting your sites. Of course I take it I’m forgiven na! hehe

Hubby’s been complaining that his sides hurt. He managed to go to work on Saturday. We went to church on Sunday, did a little food shopping, he even did the ironing (yes, he doesn’t shy away from housework).

Then I got a voicemail from him, he said he didn’t go to work today because he’s in too much pain. Thankfully (!) he got an appointment from the GP and even more fortunate it was with the “better” doctor. He got the BUPA referral and a scan request for his gall bladder. Now if he waits for NHS that will mean weeks for the results and weeks, if not months, for the consultant.

He’s due for his scan tomorrow and the only consultant near our place is available Wednesday. Hubby says if his pain becomes worse he will go to A&E (that’s the British ER). I asked him if he wants me to be there with him tomorrow. He doesn’t answer straightaway & I don’t look at him.

Deep inside me, I know he wants me to come. I want to come. BUT our Phase 1 release is this week, Friday. It’s problematic and I am needed at work. I feel responsible. BUT I am feeling horrible just thinking about it.

Hubby releases me and initially ventures the scan will be over by 10am. I know though that since the hospital is 2.5 hours away, I will not be in the office until high noon. I will be missing at least 3 meetings and the leave of absence will be without warning as the appointment was only made tonite.

So I asked him in vain really. I feel rotten, my priorities are skewed and the worst thing is I do this almost every month. I feel horrible when I can’t be with my family every time they’re sick. I cannot tend to Kelvin every day. I cannot tend to my husband every day.

Times like these, I really feel that I did bite more than I can chew.

Gordon Brown, the British PM, is under fire again. He should have realised this from the start, anything to do with genetic manipulation will be highly controversial & should be delicately handled. Instead the initial reaction from his camp was to disallow ministerial vote on the embryonic treatment which entails a hybrid human and animal embryo.

I have not been following the news lately so I’m not sure whether Brown’s controlled the threatened revolt.

But I have been asking myself, why is the thought of a possible cure to a lot of suffering people very abhorrent to me? When the first cloned sheep hit the news, I was disgusted and I feared the wrath of God will fall upon us. I have tried to reason with myself. I know the benefits of this scientific investigation. I pitied Christopher Reeves and sympathised with his campaign but I know deep inside I will never support it.

I feel horrible because on my own, I am condemning the afflicted to death and pain. And the thing all these are only in my head!

I carry so much guilt and my entire being seemed to recoil at the chance that I am trying to convince myself to side with the pro’s.

It has to do with my Catholic upbringing. It is ingrained in my being that anything that resembles an attempt to copy what should be a God-only privilege, is evil.

The media treatment and the doomsday type of films that ever dealt with cloning didn’t help either.

So today, although I understand the aim is good, I will say NO to cloning and fusing an animal gene with that of a human’s. For me, it’s taboo.

oohh but “taboo” is so naughty :-P

At least that’s what I wanted to tell our supplier. The nightmare that is our software vendor continue to haunt me.

I was not meant to be involved until the UAT phase, but now I’m supposedly running the show. And as I pointed out to the CTO my hair is turning grey even faster because of this disastrous relationship.

It started well last year, hot guy came around bearing 4-5 brollies (umbrella po) bigger than my son. The “supplier” courting the prey, us. They came around at least two more times. By the third visit, I have enough brollies to last a lifetime. Now I want to shove them up their puckered ass.

They’re not only unprofessional, they’re liars, too. Is that one and the same?

Thursday night I snapped and sent out an email containing some words that when transposed read like “you’re a pain to deal with” and “you call by 9am on the dot or else”. What else will be I had no idea. I just felt so much better. When I hit the Send Button, I was ready to rip out his heart from his throat and eat it.

If you were in my place, you’d feel the same thing. First of all, it’s not my effing job to be chasing them for status on their progress. Our last call at 4pm their project manager said they found a bug and they were correcting it and will be bouncing their site. I went to my school run and attended to my son, logged in at 8pm and what do I see?? NOTHING. Did they fix it? Did they bungle it? WHO KNOWS?

Who do you think my bosses will look disappointingly at for being ignorant?? If I am running the show, I want to know right here, right now where the heck I stand.

Friday morning I read their top honcho’s email and I nearly had a fit. The nerve of this jerk telling me, the representative of their client, to tone down my email!!! He had the gall to tell me that I am impeding the project’s progress with my incessant need for information. He even implied that I may not have enough software development experience to understand that the “drip drip” kind of delivery will make things work than alleviate them. He ended to say he will contact my CTO.

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It was grey, wet and freezing but Kelvin was not complaining. I don’t think he registered any discomfort. It was always “Where next?” after each ride or stop. You ask him to pose for pictures and his face will be in your direction and his eyes looking somewhere else.

Legoland Windsor is perfect for our little man. Most of the rides were for kids his age (or height). It was perfect hubby and I because we went solo, that is no family friends were there. Else, we’d have trouble with Kelvin wanting to go on rides he cannot possibly join with the big boys.

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I came home late yesterday as has been the case since the start of 2008. Kelvin was still wide awake and was bouncing up and down when I came in the door. He looked at his dad with a knowing smile and asked him “How about upstairs, Dad?”

Hubby nodded his approval and Kelvin led me upstairs all the while shouting “Close your eyes, mum!!”

He switched on the lights in the room and shouted “Surprise! Happy birthday, mummy!”

Of course, it wasn’t my birthday. It is our 7th Wedding Anniversary this coming Sunday and hubby thoughtfully prepared the surprise in advance. He’s working on the 23rd.

I was so surprised I thought I forgot our anniversary again! Hubby’s trying to make up for his behaviour on Mothering Sunday. And it did hit the right spot. I got a bag to boot! The tag on the card says “… shopping ka na mummy, lipat ko na savings natin sa card mo?…” Loko talaga.

He also wrote his most open and heartfelt letter to me. I guess I was so happy he finally admitted his weaknesses and pride that I ended up crying buckets of tears.

I do love my family so much. They’re my treasure and strength and they’re the reason I keep getting up in the morning to work & persevere.

Marriage can be a bitter pill to swallow. After 7 years I can’t say I’ve enjoyed the entirety of the ride. A lot of times I’ve been tempted to jump ship. But Love can overcome anything, I know.

I took over a project when the manager tasked to oversee it went on holiday. The handover was smooth and I thought it’s no big deal. Yes, I’m neck-deep in work already but I didn’t think the project will take much of my time.

The only only truth in the above is “I didn’t think”.

The project is really a simple web portal. So simple that it’s biggest feature is AJAX and all I need to do is conduct a UAT (User Acceptance Testing). Please ignore the techno-babble. The point is it’s not supposed to be frustrating me this — MUCH (((arms wide open))).

The supplier is a small software house, who we’re looking to be Partners with. So I’m stuck between reaching down their throats & pulling their guts out and being diplomatic but stern.

The third-party’s project manager got sick and didn’t notify me. How inconsiderate of this guy to fall sick, I’m now thinking. He managed to email me late in the day that he was in fact ill and I should email someone else. He failed to say who the effing elf is taking over. I trawled thru the contact list from the handover sheet and called each one. No one knows what’s happening.

Then one worker ant told me he’s just a “grunt” and as far as he’s concerned his job is done and he doesn’t know what happens to the other 90% of the effing project!

I emailed bossing, should I really be chasing these a-holes?!

Every other person in their company, including the CEO seemed to wash their hands off the entire affair. I’m not even sure why they’re bothering to be software providers when they don’t effing deliver. None of them seemed to care what happens with their relationship with us.

You thought this bahala na attitude is unique to Pinas? I’ve had the misfortune of actually working with foreigners like these even in the past. Patumpik-tumpik lang. I hate people who slow me down.

Last year I wrote about my radio and komiks love affair. Today I received a comment from someone who can obviously read and write, but also apparently has no comprehension.

It was from a student asking for materials on radio programs and also had the temerity to instruct me to email the requested materials to him/her.

I know this plagues most bloggers and other sites. Sassy Lawyer blogged about this at least once. And these sort of stupid comments caused my fave poetry site to close years ago.

It’s bad enough they’re asking you to do their work for them, but they didn’t even bother to read and understand what the topic their “commenting” in is about.

The internet is vast source of knowledge. I could easily give this person crap and he’d probably pass it to his professor. It’s just worrying because in all likelihood the Philippines education system has not yet put proper guidelines/checks on info sourced from public sites. Compounded by the fact that you do get students who are not actually craving knowledge, rather are looking for cheat-sheets ala-Recto’s offering, then in a few years time Pinas will not only have massive brain drain because of the professionals flying abroad, you are also left with an inept workforce and even more stupid & corrupt politicians.

Why such a bleak outlook? Because those who do crave knowledge will think they’re too good to stay and they will have the opportunity to leave. Those who looked for the easy way out will not have benefited from their education and will not be export-material so they become President and Senators and asswipes.

One late meeting, hot guy announced we need to make it short as he needs to pick-up his dry-cleaning. The CIO joked hot guy should find himself a woman and sort out his domestic issues.

I am the only girl in these meetings - most of the time. Without meaning to, almost by reflex I blurted out “What did you say?!”

Laughter, guffaws then CIO  backtracked and said “I mean find someone, a woman, a man… here” pointing to the office manager, who is a guy! Which of course made everything worse if there was a PC police insight.

As soon as I spoke those words though I regretted it. I’m not the most PC person and I knew his words were not meant to demean. In fact, I’m sort of glad… Now I know hot guy is not only single, but also available. *Meow*

She was one of the first girls I spoke to in high school. I tasted my first beer with her. Smoked my first cigarette with her. I even saw her first kiss and she was with me on my first date. We were close friends, but she was posh I was poor. It never mattered and I never felt discriminated against by her family.

She went to UPD, I went to UPLB.

Time made its mark and our paths never crossed except once during our four years in University. She said she was not used to wearing the same attire in campus within the same month, very Hollywood huh. I said I attendended classes wearing tsinelas and pambahay. I guess I grew up and realised if I’m late after a hardnight of cramming, I don’t care about my appearance, I will turn up to class no matter what. Or I grew up and turned into a slob. But it was clear our priorities were now different.

In high school, we were both very shallow. We wanted to be campus figures. We wanted to have fun. Who am I kidding our high school is not Ivy League, we didn’t sweat over the lectures. It was your typical algebra mixed with boys on the side. As long as we’re acing the oral recitations and periodical exams, we’re good to go.

In college I didn’t have that luxury. My sisters were paying my tuition and I had to graduate on time or that’s it. I wasn’t shooting for a merit, I was praying for my diploma. While she, she was aiming to be well-known or at least well-liked in the big pond that is Diliman.

Fast-forward and a few years of toil, we had a reunion. I was in the province and of course, I tried to hook up with the old barkada I have not seen in years. She was there, the same energetic, powerhouse that she was. Bumabangka pa din as always. To be honest, I do that too, bangka sabi nila. But somehow I couldn’t relate to her anymore.

She claimed stature that no one can neither deny nor confirm. She screamed money & ability, but complained of the 200Php fee. She dropped a few names from my internship in a TV network and from my former job, asking if I knew the people. I wondered if she was validating my claim to those or whether she was hinting at knowing people.

With some, even after years of silence there’s warmth in seeing them again. There wasn’t even a spark. I didn’t know the woman who stood amongst us.

The sad thing was a few years before the reunion I was telling my boyfriend (now hubby) I wanted to get in touch with this person. I felt I was ready to re-connect with old friends but I was clutching at straws.