About 8 years ago, a first time mum confessed to me that she was turned off by sex immediately after giving birth. She says she’s terrified of getting pregnant again. Since the husband doesn’t want her taking pills as she “may gain weight”, my friend resorted to having injectables without telling the guy.
Back then I was single & I couldn’t comprehend how someone can lose interest in sex just like that. Childbirth must be bloody painful, I thought.
Fast forward & I gave birth to a boy on 2004. It was via caesarian & there was no labour pain as it was a scheduled delivery. Hubby & I slept together, I think, a week after. At the back of my mind, I was thanking God I didn’t lose my sex drive like my friend.
Then tragedy, after a month, I can’t bear hubby’s touch. My skin felt too sensitive. Hubby would kiss my shoulders and I’d be cringing. I couldn’t bear the ticklish sensation.
Sex became a burden for me. I didn’t enjoy it anymore. I kept spurning hubby’s advances. It came to the point that we just do it 3 times a month! Poor hubby, but poorer me.
At first I attributed it to childbirth. Perhaps my decreased libido was a common “side-effect” of pregnancy. But I couldn’t find any evidence to support that assumption.
Looking at my life in the last 3 years, we can easily find out why I had no enthusiasm in bed. We left my son with my parents when he was just one month old (a painful decision I will talk about later). Then we took on a mortgage which went terribly wrong because of stupid Nationwide advisor. I then moved to a better paying job but lost my supportive boss & was replaced with a far-from-supportive manager. We brought our son to England on his 1st bday & struggled with hubby to adjust to overseas life with child & no househelp. I endured the first 6 months in nursery of a constantly sick child which resulted in me taking many days off from work which gave me a sickening feeling, too. I had my parents over here in the hopes that they will at least stay a year, but they could only take 3 months of London. We replaced them with my inlaws and that made my life nearly unbearable. From 2005 to 2006, the only thing constant with my exchanges with hubby are reminders. These are all just family matters. I was stressed period.
On the physical aspect, there was me. Not wanting to spend on myself, not wanting to waste food, not wanting to spend time on myself — I looked like a freaking blimp. I shopped for Kelvin’s shoes and clothes. I ate their leftovers. I don’t want to exercise or put on make up or do my hair, because those take time away from the “important” things I should be doing like cooking, preparing my son for bed/going-out, or just sleep & rest! Then of course, I felt depressed every time I look at myself, making me feel very un-sex-y.
Near end of 2006, I wanted changes. I want changes at work or I’m out. I want hubby & I to mature & improve our relationship, or I’m out. I want to look good & feel better about myself. After a while things started to improve. By December hubby & I were convinced everything will be okay. We can manage our affairs a lot better. But it’s not improving in the bedroom.
At the start of 2007, I found a better workplace. I am also on a makeover warpath. Recently I have been feeling more “up to it”. Perhaps it’s because I’m more positive now? Or could it be down to the nuts & avocado’s I have been eating due to my South Beach Diet?
Whatever the reason, I’m just glad the bitch is back!
that’s right, the day Obama won, the husband told me to get a paper. I said, “why?” ” because he made history, you...
