Calvin is the man…   We’re both dreamers and lazy as heck.

We attended a children’s party last week. As usual you get people commenting how fast your kid’s growing up, how he looks well now, etc. Yes, mundane things to those who cannot relate. But those comments can spin for a long time if you’re a parent.

The hostess said pogiBoy is not only mummy’s lookalike, she said he’s also got my personality. I only heard the last bit in passing & I was busy talking to others. But I didn’t forget. I’m actually puzzled by the comment. I’m torn whether I should be flattered or insulted or worried.

See in Pinoy context, when people mention my personality more often than not it’s negative. They find me intimidating, insulting, scary, over-opinionated, arrogant, etc etc. No, no one’s ever told me that direct to my face, but I know and those close to me confirm that’s how some people see me. Sometimes they do, too, but they love me just the same. In fact, there are times when I realise that yes I have those characteristics. If I look at myself from the outside, it’s not difficult to understand where those remarks would come from. Afterall, my facial feature’s either sad or mad, it’s rarely “friendly”.

Because I’m anal-paranoid-obsessive (choose one) the comment’s been bugging me for a week. Is pogiBoy un-likeable? Did he catch an unpleasant attitude from me?

You’re now thinking there must be something wrong with me. E hindi pa ba naman obvious yun by now?

You cannot avoid talking about the past during reunions. According to my ditse, she couldn’t believe I remember so many details. I get this reaction all the time. Some probably think I am making them up, but I don’t.

Some of my memories go back to when I was as young as three I think.

That early memory is of my Tatay chasing me around our dinner table, an office table from NIA and our only piece of “furniture”. I thought it was a game, but I apparently made him furious, he was after me to give me a good spanking. I remember jumping to Nanay’s lap and trying to hide under skirts.

I love my memories. These are my only companions when I feel alone and isolated from the rest of the world. I tell and retell them to myself, trying to describe everything as it was when they happened. The scene, the atmosphere, my feelings, my reactions and if I could, how others reacted.

I re-live each moment and sometimes I can still feel the emotion I felt at the time.

The captive audience would often comment I tell the stories very well. That I lived a very interesting life. A close friend in Uni once said she wished her life was as colourful as mine.

But I don’t see my life experiences as special or unique. They are certainly special to me, however I do not tell them to impress or boast or look for pity.

I tell them because it makes me feel alive.

It’s always been in my nature since I can remember, to always “review” my life. Perhaps that comes with being emotional (read: nuts).

Last year, I’ve resolved to start writing these down. Because I do fear losing them. Like the way I lost my passion for poetry.

So that’s a warning, you’ll re-live these with me.

Some would say my work is very “negative”. I assure the quality of our products. Test the beejesus out of it. Make sure nothing is broken. Make sure that if something is broken, it’s isolated. I can go on for a long time.

One of my better managers once said that we actually have the best job in the software industry. We find a bug, it’s great. We don’t find a bug, we give an all-clear, it’s great. But underneath that second statement is a lot of sweat & some nerve-shaking decisions (read: risk management and cost-cutting).

Anyway, that’s my job, it’s me, it’s part of my life. I’m a software tester, and I love it.

I am pretty reasonable. I don’t go loggerheads with developers or management (okay I do gnash my teeth a lot). Experience taught me that there’s no point. At the end of the day, I am here to get my money at the end of the month. I am not here to fan anyone’s ego. Or be someone’s fall-guy. Eff you if you think that. And you’ll have a rude awakening if you think, I’m a pushover.

I guess most non-Pinoys I worked with, think I am a soft touch because of my mild demeanour. I wish I could tell them that’s not how my Filipino colleagues would describe me (or could I be mistaken? hmm). I do encounter attitudes but most are tolerable & I let them pass, so yes that’s probably why they would say I’m “nice”. But whenever someone pushes me a little too far, I can be like Wolverine and turn them into muttering brats.

In my second London job for example, there was this Irish “call-me-Dr” know-it-all. I’m not sure if I blogged about him in the past, but here goes. I reported a major crash on our Symbian application. Our phones were crashing with KERNEL-whatever errors and his code’s log weren’t sufficient. The problem was straightforward to reproduce & I allowed him some attempts to send it back to me with a lame “fix” and at least 3 “not reproducible”. The latter was a push to close and forget about it. I told him we can work in tandem & showed him the steps & voila! The crash. Then he stood up and said “Okay, reproduce it again and call me.”

“No! You sit down, watch what I’m doing & FIX your bug!“

I must have looked like the Furies. He can only manage a barely audible ‘ok’ & meekly sat down. When I finished, I slammed the phone in front of him so hard, I thought I’d broken it. The nerve of this PhD-wielding-weasel! He picked himself up & said something about going to work. That afternoon, I received a fix that actually worked.

London offices are open-planned, so yes my raised voice carried throughout the floor which houses the sales, marketing, HR, support, and dev teams. Everyone in the dev team were smiling and looking at our direction. My then manager gave me two thumbs up and later on in the pub bought me a pint. Then everyone gave their “horror” stories about the red-haired geek, apologies to good geeks out there. Well, let’s just say he wasn’t very popular.

Are you getting the picture?

Now, as in an hour ago, a developer whose component has been the weakest of our entire trading system, had the gall to tell me he “doesn’t have much time to look at the problem” because he’s busy! WTF?! I told him the bug (which is really at least 3 months old as it’s related to other failed fixes!) is with his dev manager & they will deal with it appropriately.

I am a software tester, not your “debugger”, jack—.

I wasn’t hot at all. In fact, he probably went away thinking “I showed her”. Thing is, I am the QA Manager, mate. Even before you gave me that attitude, your lack of, uhmm what’s the nicest word to use?, let’s say: your lack of focus has given me cause for concern for a while. I already had a 5-minute chat with your boss about my observation, albeit I didn’t pointedly say you’re “not good”. He did.

Okay that’s it. WHEW. It’s been a while since my last work-related post ah.

“I live to break your world”

Please accept my grovelling apologies for not responding to the tags I received in the last two weeks.

I am slowly ploughing through them now. I swear if I can only type while standing in a crowded train, I wouldn’t be so late in my blogging-addiction.

So first off my to-do list is Kathy‘s ‘hate’ tag — Thanks sis!

1. Food you hate
–> Falafel. Being a foodie (read: matakaw) I tried this falafel sandwich back in 2001. I’ve seen a lot of people go for it & I thought I’d give it a bite. EGAD! It was the first time in my life I actually had to spit out my food. I wasn’t ready. People say it tastes great, perhaps the restaurant I went to was no good, but I don’t want to try falafel again.

UPDATE: Sorry forgot to describe what falafel tasted-like for me. Mapaklang-mapait-na-sobrang-tuyo (Acrid-Bitter-very-dry). Yummy…

2. Fruits that you hate
–> I can’t think of any. Even the fruits I didn’t like growing up like Apples & Mabolo, I like (and miss, in the case of mabolo) now.

3. Veggies that you hate
–> Brusells sprouts. Honestly after liking ampalaya, I thought they’re making such a big fuss over the tiny-cabbages. I tried it with my sunday roast (from a gastro-pub) and I don’t think I will be serving my family this stuff lest my son forces me to eat it up!

4. Celebrities or people that you hate
–> I’d like to say I don’t hate anyone as hate is such a strong word & it conjures ‘revulsion’ of a fellow man. But if we’re talking about leeches in politics & some power-tripping civil servants, then I can reserve that term of endearment for them.

5. Event/Incident/Situation that you hate
–> US immigration. The first time I arrived on an American airport I was really shocked at their officers’ abrasive manners. They might using their rough treatment of people to fend off potential wrong-doers but there’s really no need for the aggravation. I didn’t want to live there, I never wanted to live there & the only reason I was there was because a US-based company needed my services. To stand there & be glared at & nearly humiliated is intolerable. I thought that treatment was reserved for non-white like me, but white British officemates told me they got the same deal.

I think if the US customs are trying to catch people offguard they’re using the wrong strategy. Being polite & professional & perhaps even chatting casually to people may get them more information than their bullying tactic.

6. TV Shows or Movies that you hate
–> I don’t ‘hate’ any shows or films but I don’t like a number of them. Top of my list are reality shows especially the American one (some years ago) about marrying a millionaire. After the “wedding” the winning girl wanted to divorce. I wonder why?

7. Type of Music that you hate
–> I was going to put garage & trash metal BUT I remembered the proliferation of those OPM songs that insinuates sex & other lewd topic. What are they called again? Every time I see youngsters & really old women (as in grans) cavorting to those songs, I feel humiliated. And every time I see parents, mostly mothers, encouraging their young ones to act like a-go-go dancers, I get the urge to give them a whack on the head.

8. Household chore that you hate
–> It has to be ironing. I used to be okay with it, but since my series of RSI problems, it’s a no-go area for me now.

9. Things you hate about the world
–> War and greed, they’re one & the same aren’t they?

10. Things that you hate about yourself
– > Physically, I am very conscious of my double-chin and every time I mention it I can still hear the Batibot song “alagang-alaga ko si puti, bakang mataba, bakang maputi…”. I’m seriously damaged ain’t I?

I’m now supposed to tag people but I’d rather you pick it up if you feel up to it. Come on, tell us what makes you go “hmp!”

Warning: Walang kwentang post ahead.
Okay I succumbed. I’ve seen this on several blogs & I knew I wanted to try it, too.

You Are 47% Vain

You’re a little vain, but more than anything you have a healthy amount of confidence. Thinking the world of yourself is great. Just don’t think less of those who aren’t as pretty as you!

How Vain Are You?

Okay na di ba? But then it reminded me of those quizzes I used to take in “Woman’s Home Companion” mags. I couldn’t stop myself. Before I realised it, I did another test…

You Are 43% Scary

You’re a pretty normal, nice girl… but you definitely have your scary moments. As long as you acknowledge them and apologize, you’ll probably keep your guy around.

Do You Scare Off Men?

… and another.

You May Be a Bit Obsessive Compulsive…

Meticulous and detailed oriented, you have some irrational obsessions. Maybe it’s your super neat closet or washing your hands a gazillion times. You probably know it’s weird, but you just can’t stop thinking about it. In fact, the more you think about your quirks, the more you have to do them.

What Personality Disorder Are You?

Okay enough.

Huli man at magaling, matsing pa din?

Sexy Mom, I really feel bad that I have been late in reading about your first “flame” encounter. Reading both Connie‘s & Noemi‘s post alone inflamed me, too. But you were all right, turn something negative into something positive.

What is sex? What is sexy? What is it about Pinays being categorised as “exotic” (dancer, entertainer, bride etc etc)? Nakakainis. Nakakapanggigil.

They say it’s time to fight back & reclaim our identity. Gabriela, Princesa Urduja? Are you girls out there? If you are, hey look at me, I’m here, too.

I am a Sexy Filipina.
Indeed I am a super Sexy Pinay.
If you google it, I can also be a Sexy Philipina.
I am a minx in the bedroom, in the office, and mostly, in my head.
I am to be adored, I am a demi-god.
I am powerful, I am sex incarnate.
I am my husband’s dominatrix.
I am the ruler in the roost.
I am a Sexy Pinay Mom.

Pardon me people if I confess that, yes, I can be a slut, I can talk dirty, I can even tut-tut. But heck, my brain won’t stop churning & cavorting. My imagination’s fertile.

I shake and grind my booty day in, day out.
I leave my scent everywhere I go.
I make my mark on everything I touch.

I am gold.
I bring food to the table.
I take care of our loot.
I look after our children.
I look after my folks.
I also look after me.

I am a woman of the world.
A proud wife, a proud mother,
A very proud daughter,
An even prouder Filipino.

What is wrong with that?

In case someone asks, no I’m not a whore, I’m not ‘for sale’.
I am a woman.
I worked my way to the top.
Challenged men and women and the third-sex alike.
I am me, a modern Pinay.

UPDATE 20 June: Truly embarrassing, this meme was supposed to be kakikayan facts. Tsk, tsk. Oh well, sorry folks but I changed the rule at this end unwittingly.

===========
Noemi tagged me to divulge 7 random facts about the woman behind KWK. I have been chewing on this topic for a whole week. I always find it difficult to come up with answers about myself. So here are some really random facts about Auee:

1. When I was in high school I get teased a lot about being Ms Eveready, you know the battery? I hate not having what I need. So on most days my bag is filled with band-aid, bottle of water, brollie, baby powder, 2 hankies (I need a spare!), hand gel, hand lotion, lip balm, post-it notes (or small notebook) & a pen. Those are just the minimum content.

2. I started dyeing my hair when I turned 18 because my mestiza mother gave me their white (grey) hair not her complexion. My colour of choice is red, as in a head you can see from far away if the sun is very bright.

3. I hate math but I chose Computer Science in my UPCAT application because it sounded cool. The first time I saw our syllabus, I wanted to shift to Psychology straightaway. I have maths and statistics until I graduate?? Thankfully I didn’t move out & stayed the course. Though talking in my dream about “X’s value” is not my idea of sleepless nights.

4. I love cartoons, actually make that addicted to cartoons. Even when I was single I used to drag friends to see animated films. Nope not just adult-targeted animation, even Rugrats and Pokemon movies. I think this is one of the reasons why my niece, Gella, and my son loves me so much.

5. I’m a voracious eater even when I was young. Every time we attend Fiestas, the host often remark how nice it is to see “your kid loving our food”. Translation? “Susme ang takaw naman ng anak ninyo!” I even devised a strategy when attending all-you-can-eat events, if we’re visiting a number of houses, I would feast on the main courses for the first 3 houses and finish off the round with desserts from the remaining places-to-eat (ok, see). I also limit the rice intake to accomodate more lechon or similar fare. Just remembering this is already making me salivate! I miss Fiestas & their open houses…

6. I’m a dreamer. I dream about tomorrow, about conquering the world, about a vacation in Pinas or in Venice, about being a rockstar, about being a Palanca winner. It’s endless. Thankfully, I get a lot of stale time on the train to & from work so I can indulge in these fantasies.

7. I’m a hoarder. Eversince I can remember I love keeping “remembrances”. The oldest keepsake I have is the very first Christmas card I received. It was given by my then gradeschool ditse’s closest friend (can’t remember her name now) and it is dated “12 1981″. It’s one of those small cards you get when you buy a bag of crisp in the sari-sari store (local variety store). I also kept letters I have received from suitors and even pictures of my crushes & High School boyfriends. I love going through boxes of these things whenever we visit Pinas.

Well that’s it. Now for the fun part, to tag some of you!
:-)
I tag Vernaloo, Jason, and Rose.

Thanks Noemi for this meme, it wasn’t as ‘painful’ as I thought hehe