Last week pogiBoy told me one of his classmates wants to come with us to see the Snowman. I told him it’s okay as long as the boy’s parents say yes. Aba e di naman ako seryoso, ni wala pa nga kaming ticket for the Snowman, but still I humoured my son.

Friday, hubby says he saw the boy talking to pogiBoy and pointing to him. Immediately hubby knew what that was about.

When I arrived home, pogiBoy was so excited. He tried to sound casual when he said “Lemar’s dad said yes”.

Ayan nalintikan na. . I know I shouldn’t make a promise I cannot keep. So I just told him, we don’t have tickets yet but if we do buy them & classes are still in session we will talk to Lemar’s parents.

Then I dug deeper hole for myself by asking, what does Lemar look like. He couldn’t describe the boy. Sabi ko na lang, puti ba, itim o pana? Siempre sa ingles dahil di pa marunong mag-Tagalog si pogiBoy.

Naku he said I said a bad word. Bakit kako?

Aba e di daw ako dapat nagsasabi nang “itim na bata“. Pinipigil nang asawa ko yung hagikgik nya dahil di ko ngayon malaman sasabihin ko at paano ko ii-eksplika na wala naman akong masamang ibig sabihin.

To cut the story short, I told him some people are offended & he is right to be careful in using that word to describe others. But I said I only wanted to know who Lemar is. Turns out the boy is the tallest in class & has curly hairs. Asus!

I asked him who told him it was bad. He says he just knows… hmmm.

Same old excuse… Busy, too tired, too lazy… Whatever. The point is I’ve neglected my hobby. I do wish someone could invent a way to have those dictate-machine to convert entries to word processors.

There are so many things happening around me that I do want to talk or rant about. Like the fascit party BNP leader’s appearance in Question Time. Or why I am again looking around for work.

But heck, I’ve been itching to blog about my life.

My teammate is gone & is now on maternity leave. Even before she left I have been mulling over the idea of having another child. I’m in my early 30’s. I’m probably the only one in my family that can have another child. And pogiBoy’s been asking for a baby since before he turned 4 and he’s now 5!

It was disappointing to see hubby struggle with the idea. He wanted to be keen & pretended to want the same, but I know & I can feel that he’s not convinced. In the bedroom, he didn’t show his hesitation. He almost fooled me, I was suddenly scared to get pregnant & we’ve not really discussed the future logistics yet.

A few days after, bang! The pretence started to unravel. Hubby became irritable, sullen, withdrawn… AY NAKU! PWEDE BA?!

Our first 3-years as parents started replaying in my head. Sorry, but OMG! I can’t go through that anymore. I cannot possibly sustain a more demanding job, being a parent  to a schoolage boy, and an anchor for a flailing husband.

Di bale nang maging solong anak si pogiBoy.

I told hubby to stop pretending & enough with the illusion he’s trying to paint for me. I wouldn’t want a pet if it means I’m going to lose my mind again. Does he think I’d want to destroy my figure again?! However I may look now, I still prefer this than what it was 4-years ago.

I already have peace-of-mind, I got my groove back, my pogiBoy is independent. Honestly, I ask, is becoming broody worth having all those taken away?

It’s sad though. All these money concerns, which is really the main reason why hubby hesitates, they will never go away. That’s the joke. It’s always been the case even before pogiBoy came to being.

I don’t really know what the difference is & how he cannot see why I find his reaction ridiculous.

On a semi-positive note…

I was freaking out the other night. I wanted to rip someone’s head off & unfortunately, I was at home. I don’t remember if this episode was related to the offspring-craving.

Anyway, I was mean to my boys.

Later on I apologized to pogiBoy. After the hug I asked him if he can forgive me.

What he said made me cry.

“But mum, I have already forgiven you.”

Truly unconditional. I hope I can be a better mum to my only child.

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image: http://www.stockvault.net/

pogiBoy’s become interested in poetry very recently. I was helping him memorise a simple one about a caterpillar fretting about becoming a butterfly.

When we came to part where the caterpillar asks “will i still recognize myself — in wings?” pogiBoy got excited.

He just remembered the experiment they did in his nursery back when he was 4-years old. He tried to describe what happened:

The caterpillar eats and eats.

Then he lives in a…*scratches his head*… a coconut.

Then he grows wings, mum.

Sounds family?

We were on our way pogiBoy’s childminder for holidays and he started interrogating me again. He began with “you look old mum”. He’s been obsessing about this since the first time he said it.

mummy: There’s nothing wrong about getting old. you will grow up and be old as well.

pogiBoy: I don’t want to be old

I didn’t answer because I was thought of “Peter Pan”, which we watched on the weekend. Maybe that started his curiosity again?

When I didn’t say anything, pogiBoy asked “after old, what’s next?”

mummy: We join Jesus and the Father.

pogiBoy: I don’t want to go to Heaven.

mummy: (nauubusan na ko nang Ingles) If you’ve been following God’s will you will go to Heaven, there you can have a mansion maybe a castle!

pogiBoy: What’s ‘will’?

mummy: (racking my brain, bakit ba kasi ganun ang sinabi ko??)  God’s will is for you to be good like Jesus. You love Him more than anything, you love your friends and enemies, you love and respect your parents. Who are your parents?

pogiBoy: Mummy and daddy. I don’t want a castle in Heaven, I want to stay home with mum and dad.

I hugged him very, very tightly. Kaya pala worried sya.

mummy: Everyone you love will be in Heaven. There we will never grow old or be sick.

He skipped all the way to the neighbours.

I am encouraged with pogiBoy. He does know how to share and he doesn’t seem to have any bad bones in his body. Actually sometimes I worry that because he’s so nice, he might be abused or be easy to bully.

Often I observe him from a distance and I restrain myself from going over and mediate. He needs to grow up on his own and mummy cannot always be there. Of course, there are times when I do jump in.

pogiBoy’s school holiday is in full-swing. He’s staying with a neighbour in the meantime. They’ve got kids so pogiBoy’s well entertained.

On Saturday we passed by a toy shop & as usual he asked if we can go in. I said yes but added that we’re not going to buy anything as he just got a bike. He didn’t miss a beat when he replied we should buy Jem, the youngest child of our neighbour, a toy.

This isn’t the first time he asked me to buy those kids something. He’s been bugging me to buy Jem a toy, a shirt, etc. every time we went out shopping. Yesterday coming home from church I asked him if he wants some “special” doughnuts when I pick him up today and he said yes then added I should buy “1 box for me and 1 box for jem, kuya ben and ate nikki”.

So tonight I will be lugging home these special treats for those kids and for my very thoughtful hero.

He deserves these and more.

I love cartoons… I don’t think I will outgrow them. I remember spending Saturday mornings in front of the tube, waiting for my 2D friends. And now I’m sitting and cuddling next to my pogiBoy. He’s so used to it now that we’ve come to an agreement that we alternate which shows we watch. He gets to choose first then he doesn’t complain when I say “my turn”.

Last month I got hooked on Nickeledeon’s “As Told by Ginger” (pictured above). It’s the cartoon version of a chick flick. pogiBoy resisted at first, but last weekend (while out shopping!) he just blurted:

I like Ginger

I thought he was talking about the spice… No, he said he liked the cartoon.

A part of me went yey, another said uh-oh… I mean not that I have anything against the third sex, I just don’t want my son to be getting the wrong ideas. In any case (I tell myself) we both enjoy manly shows like Transformer, Avatar and Ben 10.

Maybe it’s not so bad for pogiBoy to like Ginger, Simpson, Wild Thornberry and All Grown Up.

He’s got a balance of violence, stupidity, toilet humour and teenage mush.

To those who will scoff that I’m encouraging a bad habit, killing his grey cells and all that: Mind your own beeswax.

I was prepping pogiBoy for school the other day and noticed he was looking intently at my face.

pogiBoy: Mum (holding my face), you look old.

He hugged me tight and said:

“I don’t want you and dad to be old. You’re the best mum and dad ever…”

I’m not really sure what he means & where that came from - but man I feel old.

Scene at breakfast this morning…

Me to pogiBoy: I have an interview today and let’s pray to Jesus He helps me.

pogiBoy: Why?

Me: Because the questions might be tough and I need to answer correctly so I can get the job.

pogiBoy: Okay. Pauses then says… I know!… Use your brains.

He gets off his chair, comes to me & touches my forehead as if flicking on a switch.

pogiBoy: There. Switch your brain on.

Now I’m even more ready for that interview.

Rizal isn’t really my hero. But since he is the national hero of Pinas, well I have no choice ‘eh?

I got this fab shirt during our holiday. I forgot the name of the shop but it’s wonderful. Sobrang tuwa ko nga, pinigil ko lang sarili kong magshopping nang sobra. Pinoy pop-culture at its best.

There was one shirt that said “Sana sa Crisis” he he Ironic kung yun ang binili nang pinsan ko. Yes, nilibre lang ako.

I don’t know how much it cost, but the shirt is really worth it. Quality make and it’s cotton, sarap sa balat. Ganda pa nang fit.

Now this the work of my real hero. pogiBoy’s been consistently asking for a baby since last year.

While waiting for dinner he drew the picture above. He said it’s mummy and pogiBoy walking hand-in-hand in the park. I asked him what the shirt designs were and he said “no, mum, that’s a baby in your tummy“.

I looked closer, aba e baby nga! :-D

When we went to Pinas, he’d cosy up to me whenever I’m holding a baby. Touching and kissing and asking to hold them.

Yes we know. He is ready and has been ready in the last two years.

Last year I wasn’t too keen on having another child. Talagang traumatized pa ko. But I’ve been warming to the idea, especially on our return from Pinas.

If only the situation was different! We’ll see next year…

pogiBoy called me upstairs as soon as I got home.

He packed his Man Utd bag with his “essentials”: a pair of slippers and a hat in case we go the beach, his toys for entertainment, one pair of pants, a shirt and a short!

“I’m ready for the holiday, mum.”

Do you think if my child was a girl she’d need a bigger bag?

I’ve not packed anything but aside from my food list, I have started the “to bring” and “to buy” lists. Scores of stuff are pile in one corner of our bedroom. I add anything I could think of we might need & I might forget if I don’t put there NOW.

It still hasn’t sunk in yet. But we’re leaving for Pinas on Tuesday! WOW.

Bring on the heat!