Last Sunday was Mother’s Day here in the UK and in Australia. I wasn’t expecting rose petals on my bed, but I was hoping for a morning kiss and a breakfast made by someone else besides myself. I got squat. Nada. Nil. Zilch.

Kelvin woke me up at 6am saying he wants telly. I shooed him off to his Dad who turned over and snored his way out of the situation. Long story short I got up, fixed Kelvin his brekkie, did the fry-up for myself and hubby. Then sent some friends their “Happy Mother’s Day” greetings, answered a few calls and did some calling, too.

By 10am I was already grumpy. Hubby was bug-eyed and was wondering why I was being irrational. My so sweet a husband said that he sent his greetings to our friends and refrained from greeting me because he was holding out til lunch time. I don’t know where he gets this crazy idea that it will be a better surprise for me, when he was only going to say “happy mother’s day, mahal” to me. It’s not as if he was going to give me a 10-carat diamond ring. (more…

Around November-December of last year, Kelvin started telling me and his dad stories about this boy in his nursery. In his halting speech, he would explain that Bamboo hits him or pushes him or smacks him. At first we didn’t want to read too much into it knowing how kids can sometimes play rough and that some toddlers still don’t know how to share. Maybe it’s harmless.

We spoke to his main keyworker and she assured us that they will keep a closer watch on the boys.

2 January, Kelvin was back in nursery and the first thing he told me and his dad after school was “Bamboo hit me again”.  I  have not even asked him how his day was. This time the nursery manager spoke to us to assure us that they are taking this seriously. She felt, like us, it could just be boys you know playing rough.

Then last week I dropped Kelvin off and I was waiting for another mummy when I happened to look inside their room again. What did I see? Kelvin was with 3 other kids from his room and they were laughing then this Bamboo reached out and punched my son on the chest!

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Have you seen the film “One Fine Day” with Michelle Pfeiffer and George Clooney? It’s a feel-good romcom. Not great, but not bad either. I was already a mum when I saw that film & the biggest thing that struck me was Michelle’s bag.

It was huge. At one point in the film, she produced a zip-lock plastic with her son’s toy cars. The toy cars sealed a contract for the firm she works for as the cars provided some focal point in her building (?) model.

When I was single, my bag was an accessory. True, I was a girlscout & you can find most things you’d need in my bag. But the bags were stylish & petite. Since becoming a mum, my bags went from medium size to combat-ready-size.

I carry less stuff now that Kelvin is nappy-free but I still need an extra shirt, some wipes, food, juice, and other munitions to keep him amused whenever we go out. So rather than go thru the trouble of re-organising my bag-containers, I just keep that huge bag & use it all week (or month at work). Imagine what I look like when I’m also lugging a laptop & struggling to stay upright in the Tube.

Anyway, you know what they say when some people are given storage, we find ways to fill it to the brim? It’s 100% true for me.

So my daily bag is filled with my packed lunch’s container, scarf, gloves, makeup bag (that I rarely use), papers, clips, band-aids, mints, moleskin, pen, map, train schedule, etc etc.

The laptop bag? I manage to fill that with my water bottle, papers from work, mouse, arm brace, and every now & again, stuff for Kelvin. See below.

okay that’s my lunch “box”

See now that’s how you balance your work and family commitments. Use everything at your disposal, no matter how heavy. Afterall, when you’re in love the weight drops off the scale.

Dear friend,

Nung weekend para kong may flu dahil sa severe symptoms ng hay fever. Di ako makakilos, even combing my hair was a huge effort as my scalp felt really tender. Then the limited breathing. Maaawa ka sa akin, I was breathing through my mouth for 2 days!!! There were times I really felt like dying. I felt guilty too that I couldn’t play with Kelvin properly. Talagang telly-time lang sya. Friday night I planned on taking him to the town fair and even to the cinema, I didn’t count on my “enemy” arriving on Saturday morning. KAINIS.

This morning when I was about to leave for work, Joel said Kelvin has temp last night. I felt my stomach lurch. If Kelvin is not better this evening that will mean one of us will have to take a leave of absence. And that thought made me feel worse because ideally when Kelvin has a temp, we let him stay at home for 2 days. But if we keep on doing that & he gets fever at least once a month, that would mean our work-attendance will be blatantly pockmarked.

Nakakaloka.

I really hope Kelvin recovers today. I blame the stupid weather… Come on sky, where’s our Summer sun & warmth?!

As for me, it looks like I will have to wait a little longer for the hay fever vaccine to become available in the UK. Crap.

So how was your weekend again?

Lovingly yours,
me

I am from an OFW family. Tatay left for Saudi when I was 6-7 years old. He retired when I was 16 and about to leave for college. To say that I didn’t really know him until then was an understatement. It was a shock to both of us. I knew then that I don’t ever want to break up my family for an overseas work. It’s all of us or nothing.

But I ate my words. We left our 1 month old baby in the care of my parents. I agreed with hubby when he said we need to recoup, sort out our mortgage and take Kelvin back after a year. We were in pain, but I knew it was the right decision. Perhaps to justify it even further, I know a lot of Pinoys were doing the same thing. Still it hurt though when people openly criticise our decision, as if they can help us with childcare. I have to put on a brave face in every gathering. I cannot show that I cry at night or on the bus on the way home to an empty house. I cannot tell anyone that I want to kill myself on my son’s first Christmas because we’re not together. I have to be brave & strong for us.

When my son was nearly one, we went home to bond with him & prepare him for the flight back. I cannot tell you the emotions that surged through me when I first saw him at NAIA. But I can tell you the pain that ripped hubby & I many times when he won’t come near us. For three days we endured sleepless nights because he won’t go to sleep when we try to put him to bed. He’d wake up several times at night asking for his Lola. We nearly gave up when Kelvin lost his voice from too much crying. Finally on the fourth day he became used to me. He allowed me to give him a bath without a fight. We went to bed with no problem & he slept soundly next to Daddy & myself.

Our flight back to England was wonderful. Arriving home he immediately settled in. On his first week here he even managed to walk on his own! Wala na kasing karga ng karga. He was always smiling. He always wakes up in a happy mood. I was in Heaven.

Then reality arrived soon enough. The first 2 weeks of nursery was pretty bad. But that wasn’t the problem, he got sick too often. I think he caught everything that every kid in their room have. For the 6 months that we paid for his place, he probably spent just 3 months of it in there. We were constant visitors to the GP and the A&E (i.e. ER). It was a struggle to keep him “plump” as he’d lose weight the instant he falls sick. Hubby & I rotated our absences from work. Sometimes I manage to work from home. But still we never felt like giving up to send him back to Pinas. No. He will stay with us, we’re happy, he’s happy.

Then I received a call from one of my sisters. It is expected that they will worry about Kelvin but her words were “napapabayaan nyo na ang bata, dapat hindi trabaho ang inuuna nyo“. To be accused of neglect by other people is bad enough but my own family? I just dropped the call. Our oldest sister called to explain that the words didn’t come out right. I think they did. I didn’t talk to ditse for a while but I do know she had only the best intentions for her nephew.

Hubby & I were killing ourselves taking care of our son. We were looking at all sorts of avenue to get him seen by the right people. We were spending serious money on his health & his care. We are good parents to our son. He stays in the nursery because that is the reality here in England. We don’t have a Lola to rely on. We are doing our best, no one can say otherwise.

These days Kelvin is thriving. He’s been with his current nursery for over a year. He’s developing well even given his persistent glue ear. We managed to take a break in Pinas in 2006 & this time around, he wouldn’t go near his Lola & aunties, but only for a few hours.

It seems like all those hurt happened a long time ago. It’s funny because it’s only been three (3) years.

If I could be half as good as my Nanay in being a mother and a third as good at being a wife, I will be the luckiest & happiest person on Earth.

She is selfless. She always sees the good in people. She thinks everyone is pretty especially if they are kind. She is kind to a fault. She readily forgives. She is made of steel but is soft & sweet like a marshmallow.

My Nanay’s attained “just” gradeschool education. But she is the wisest woman I know. Her words ring true and they’re meant to strengthen me when I’m flailing. Her words endure and they’re meant to guide me when I’m lost.

Nanay is a feminist. She told me once that women’s issues need to be heard in government. The labour parties have enough representation, she told me to support women’s & children’s causes instead. Why didn’t I think of that?

My Nanay doesn’t know how to use the computer so she will never get to read this online. I miss her everyday these last 6-7 years, her cooking, her hug, her smile.

So when you visit your moms this Sunday, give them a tighter hug & double kisses on both cheeks. The extra will be for us who can only call home.

Happy Mother’s Day to all!

We attended a Pinoy neighbour’s 7th birthday party. He’s a nice kid & his sister is even nicer. They’re always gentle with my toddler so I’m happy to get off my son’s back & leave him in their care.

The boys started to tease the girls by invading the sister’s room, where the nice-smelling girls were grooming each other. The boys on the other hand were all sweaty & when I checked their room I got out immediately. The smell was too overwhelming, magkasamang pawis at init. Anyway, the girls took Kelvin & he was only too happy to “guard” their door against the invading forces. They played for hours.

On the way home, hubby told me that when he checked on Kelvin, the birthday boy told him “Tito, kakampi namin si Kelvin, spy sya sa girls kasi may special powers sya!” Powers? They call him “Super Laway“. Kawawa naman anak ko. He was dribbling excessively that his chest was so wet, forming an “S” (like superman’s) on his shirt.

Tawa kami ng tawa. Mga bata talaga… At least di sila nandiri & my son loved being part of the game. I loved it, too.

Last night, I was trying on the clothes I bought online last weekend. My son was watching me very intently because I was parading back and forth our mirror and he’s so excited by colourful parcels I keep throwing on the bed.

When I tried on a monochrome tunic, his face lit up. I asked him if it was nice and he said “yeah”. Sa isip isip ko siguro nase-seksihan sa mummy nya. Then I stripped and tried on a cropped denim. He suddenly said “bigger”, confused I asked my 2-year old what he said and again he said “bigger”… Now ewan ko kung ano ibig nyang sabihin or nakakabasa ng isip ang anak ko pero I can only imagine him thinking “her bum looks bigger in this”…

This morning, I took my fave jeans out of the hanger. I haven’t used this pair for 3 weeks, lo and behold OMG I can hardly close the button & zip up!!! And I thought cutting out the rice at night was enough to at least not gain anymore. Yun pala tama ang anak ko “bigger” nga.

I whipped out the measuring tape which I haven’t used on my body for at least 2 years. I checked my waist, I checked several times. It was 32, well 31 if I suck in the fats hanging around. Then I measured my hips, wow 36, I can’t help but laugh. I still remember when I was 16 y/o my waist was just 24in. When I went home (Pinas) last April, my waist was just 28in, that’s when I bought my nice pair of jeans.

Anyway, I am squeezed into this pair of jeans. I will be all day and night if I don’t manage to take it off.

If I count how many times I’ve wished I never have to work, I’d run out of numbers. Today is one of those days when I seem to have a weekend-hangover. The sun is pleasantly bright but the air is a bit chilly. It’s just a perfect day out. I’ve been at work since 7am & all I could think about is how I wish I can spend the day, with hubby & son, strolling in the park.

Then there would be days when my toddler’s sick & I wish all the more that I could stay at home & just be with him. Or days when he gets frustrated ’cause he can’t form words & I wish I could be there 24/7 for him & tutor him. But I know I can’t & it will not happen. Also the practical me shoves my dreams away as domestic chores will not disappear when I’m at home. I’d probably be frustrated at home too because nowadays during weekends, I spend at least 20 hours doing housework instead of “relaxing” with my kid. Yes there are days we do relax & play, but those are exceptions.

Maybe I have been born lazy because I feel like I’ve been working all my life. I never get to “chill” and spend my savings on an around-the-world-trip. Shortchange? Not really. I am just in a pensive mood.

It was time for my son’s nursery quarterly review (at least that’s what I call it). Hubby was supposed to go but I wanted to be there too. I have a list of questions I wanted him to ask the keyworker & the look on his face was becoming desperate. I know what he was thinking — that if he messed up & forgot to ask one of my KEY questions, I’ll go berserk. So I turned around & just told him to pick the earliest slot on any day I’m supposed to take Kelvin to day care & I will meet up with the keyworker instead. He sighed & agreed instantaneously. He wants to be there too but there’s no available schedule for both of us.

So today I had a chat with Sonia, Kelvin’s keyworker, and whom I really like from the start. She’s very mum-sy yet firm. She suggested we get Kelvin a velcro trainers so he can easily put his shoes on/off like the other kids. All his shoes are lace-up so he’s struggling & gets frustrated when a staff needs to help. She also told me to force Kelvin to “ask” for things he wants, instead of just giving him what he’s pointing at.

Overall she said his progress was remarkable in the four months he’s been with them. He’s also shown proficiency in 3D puzzles and wooden jigsaw. That he plays nicely with kids though he loves rough play & wants to wrestle & tumble which some bigger toddlers do not understand. Amongst his class he’s the only one who can barely speak but she says we shouldn’t worry as he is starting to use words more often & that he’s just a bit lazy. She says he’s lovely & very likeable & has good concentration & eye-contact. He does understand simple instructions & has settled into their routine very well. He apparently love singing & dancing/prancing around. One thing they noticed though is he easily dozes off in the mornings. I told her about his weekend routine of nap time twice a day.

So it’s done. But I forgot to ask for a copy of the report - d’oh! I might hear it from hubby hehe