About 8 years ago, a first time mum confessed to me that she was turned off by sex immediately after giving birth. She says she’s terrified of getting pregnant again. Since the husband doesn’t want her taking pills as she “may gain weight”, my friend resorted to having injectables without telling the guy.

Back then I was single & I couldn’t comprehend how someone can lose interest in sex just like that. Childbirth must be bloody painful, I thought.

Fast forward & I gave birth to a boy on 2004. It was via caesarian & there was no labour pain as it was a scheduled delivery. Hubby & I slept together, I think, a week after. At the back of my mind, I was thanking God I didn’t lose my sex drive like my friend.

Then tragedy, after a month, I can’t bear hubby’s touch. My skin felt too sensitive. Hubby would kiss my shoulders and I’d be cringing. I couldn’t bear the ticklish sensation.

Sex became a burden for me. I didn’t enjoy it anymore. I kept spurning hubby’s advances. It came to the point that we just do it 3 times a month! Poor hubby, but poorer me.

At first I attributed it to childbirth. Perhaps my decreased libido was a common “side-effect” of pregnancy. But I couldn’t find any evidence to support that assumption.

Looking at my life in the last 3 years, we can easily find out why I had no enthusiasm in bed. We left my son with my parents when he was just one month old (a painful decision I will talk about later). Then we took on a mortgage which went terribly wrong because of stupid Nationwide advisor. I then moved to a better paying job but lost my supportive boss & was replaced with a far-from-supportive manager. We brought our son to England on his 1st bday & struggled with hubby to adjust to overseas life with child & no househelp. I endured the first 6 months in nursery of a constantly sick child which resulted in me taking many days off from work which gave me a sickening feeling, too. I had my parents over here in the hopes that they will at least stay a year, but they could only take 3 months of London. We replaced them with my inlaws and that made my life nearly unbearable. From 2005 to 2006, the only thing constant with my exchanges with hubby are reminders. These are all just family matters. I was stressed period.

On the physical aspect, there was me. Not wanting to spend on myself, not wanting to waste food, not wanting to spend time on myself — I looked like a freaking blimp. I shopped for pogiBoy’s shoes and clothes. I ate their leftovers. I don’t want to exercise or put on make up or do my hair, because those take time away from the “important” things I should be doing like cooking, preparing my son for bed/going-out, or just sleep & rest! Then of course, I felt depressed every time I look at myself, making me feel very un-sex-y.

Near end of 2006, I wanted changes. I want changes at work or I’m out. I want hubby & I to mature & improve our relationship, or I’m out. I want to look good & feel better about myself. After a while things started to improve. By December hubby & I were convinced everything will be okay. We can manage our affairs a lot better. But it’s not improving in the bedroom.

At the start of 2007, I found a better workplace. I am also on a makeover warpath. Recently I have been feeling more “up to it”. Perhaps it’s because I’m more positive now? Or could it be down to the nuts & avocado’s I have been eating due to my South Beach Diet?

Whatever the reason, I’m just glad the bitch is back!

When we were just dating, I complained a lot to hubby that he’s always staring at the girl (sometimes girls) across us from the jeepney, from the street, from the restaurant, etc. etc. It used to bother me so much.

One time I told him off again (always away from the perpetrators) & said I feel disrespected when he looks at other women in my company. What he said shut me up, at least for a while. He said he never tells me what I can & cannot do and he never complained when I ogle men when he’s with me. I probably looked shocked (to hear the truth & that he notices pala) because he said it was okay, that he understands as I don’t engage in flirting anyway. It was akin to window shopping because you see something you “appreciate”. So like the mature twenty-something that I were in those days, I said fine as long as we understand each other he is not to look at other women when I’m around!

These days when we a sexy woman passes I check my hubby now & again. Sometimes I ask him a trick question like “she’s got nice shoes, ‘no?” He’s learnt so his answer will invariably be similar to “whose shoes?“

Do your men ogle? Do you ogle? Are you bothered?

I’m nearly 31 & sometimes I hate to admit it, but I look at men in their 20′s and I can only shake my head. So many men, but I have let the time pass – naughty!

Kaninang umaga nasilipan ko yung cute na officemate ko. Nasanay yata na tatlo lang sila dito sa opisina. ABA e ginagawa palang dressing room yung meeting room?! May appointment ako for 9am, ni-request nung consultant na gagamit daw sya ng projector, so ich-check ko sana kung ok pa ang set-up sa meeting room.

Pagbukas ko nung pinto ng meeting room, may narinig na kong kaluskos. Akala ko naman kasi e “normal” na tao lang yung nandun. Bakit ko naman kasi iisiping may semi-naked bod duon? Hehe Kita ko boxer shorts nya, kumikinang na puti. Siempre labas ako agad. Sya naman nagkakandarapang magtago sa likod ng isang pillar, inaalis nya kasi yung isang leg ng jeans nya so nagkakandirit sya — let me laugh — haha

Kikindatan ko sana pagpasok nya sa office namin. In fairness, pwede syang pumasok ng naka-boxer shorts lang at di pangit tingnan ha!