I had a fun two weeks when a college friend came back for the nth time. This time around she brought her younger sister with her and I took a couple of days off, too. They arrived when my workload was just starting to calm down & it was perfect timing. Even the British weather cooperated for most part of their stay.

We went clubbing on a Friday night & booked a five-star hotel in the Central London (courtesy of the younger ‘un). If my guests pull, we arranged it so I will stay with the other London-based pal. I had no plans, I just wanted to party & dance, taste proper cocktails… all of which I’ve not done in a while. Okay all of which I’ve not done in London since moving here, that’s about 7 long years.

My only target was to allow the girls as much fun as they can handle & make sure they’re safe. C, the Londoner, & I were basically pimping the younger sister. I was checking out if the guys she’s dancing with were “acceptable”, politely shoo them away if not. C was scouting until sister was okay & she got herself a guy, too. That left me and my friend, A, dancing together & really just have fun.

There was no shortage of male attention, but we kept turning them down. It’s a bit different from my experience before. Or maybe it’s the club we went to. But some men were quick to fence you in (read: bakuran ka ba) with a hand on your back. Para kong naka-electric chair dahil panay ang iwas at iling ko.

Nearing end of that night (ie. 1-2am) a group of men stood next to me & my friend. They’re not white, I thought they’re latino. Then I overheard this blonde talk to one of them. Type daw nang kaibigan nya itong si pogi, sabi naman ni pogi papahalik daw sya. The entire “conversation” was happening right behind me, as the guy was literally next to me. Cheeky huh.

But then one of them started dancing in front of me - as if we’re partners. For the nth time that night I shook my head. Bakit daw. I dunno what came over me but instead of just saying ’sorry’, what came out was “not you“. Ahh, he said, and made way for the hot guy who was apparently standing right behind him. Ano ‘to queue? (more…

One late meeting, hot guy announced we need to make it short as he needs to pick-up his dry-cleaning. The CIO joked hot guy should find himself a woman and sort out his domestic issues.

I am the only girl in these meetings - most of the time. Without meaning to, almost by reflex I blurted out “What did you say?!”

Laughter, guffaws then CIO  backtracked and said “I mean find someone, a woman, a man… here” pointing to the office manager, who is a guy! Which of course made everything worse if there was a PC police insight.

As soon as I spoke those words though I regretted it. I’m not the most PC person and I knew his words were not meant to demean. In fact, I’m sort of glad… Now I know hot guy is not only single, but also available. *Meow*

The next sentences I will write gives me deja vu so if I have mentioned this before, please excuse me as I am too lazy to search thru my archive.

A friend has not tasted “luto ng Diyos” in a while. Impertinent as I am, I keep prodding her to find the next hot thing and do the dirty. You know, before “it” heals and close up (cue fave quote from Vagina Monologues: If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it!). So many puns there, don’t know where to start/stop.

She said that her sex drive’s gone awry and she’s not interested anymore. But when I showed her my hot guy’s picture, she backtracked. She now says her sex drive is in the right gear afterall. But there’s a distinct lack of potential mates.

Over in my corner of the world, I’m buried over neck-deep in work and I can’t help feeling a little naughty. Perhaps I’m a escapist, or perhaps I’m really just “makiri“. But I enjoy thinking what it would be like to put my head on his chest esp when we’re standing next to each other & I can smell his clean, clean self.

To be young and free!

When I mentioned this to hubby, all he said was “subukan mo at nang putulan kita“. Such an understanding fellow.

I recently called a high school friend in Pinas. As often the case with oldies like us, we got to talking about our past escapades. At one point she mentioned common friends who got married early (due to pregnancy). Some she said were demure in high school. “Tsk, tsk“, she said “you can never tell” but what followed nearly had me fall off my chair.

She said “Di ba ikaw nga ang panay tsikinini nung high school?“

OMG! Did I really? I might have accidentally blocked that out of my memory. It’s been so long since I last heard the word tsikinini (kissmark) that there was a synaptic delay before I reacted. When I did I couldn’t contain my mirth and my embarrassment. I was probably a little red on the face.

I can honestly say though I was not alone in sporting those red spots of “love”. Yes, my then bf would have some, too (more…

In Kat’s recent post she was wondering whether she was sub-consciously censoring her posts. It really made me think. Are my posts censored, too? By posting the following racy admission, am I going to turn some readers away? Am I opening myself to ridicule? Do I care? hehe Of course, I do. But people, what I’m going to say (or write) is nothing but universal truth. Take it like Sally revealing that women fake orgasm (When Harry Met Sally).

I love feeling flirty & having that ticklish feeling of a teenager with a major crush: giggly, self-conscious, you put multiple meanings from an accidental glance, or construe electric vibes during casual conversations.

I am in-love with hubby and he can get me all hot just by naughty text messages or casually dropped innuendos while telling me to pick up groceries. But the thrill of the “chase” can still get my blood boil-a-degree, too. It’s not just men who have open sexual desire, you know.

Married women, a mum in my case, still desires (a lot). Marriage did not bind my libido. It didn’t blind me to other men, and it certainly didn’t blind my husband to other women. Marriage and the promise of monogamy can make some rebellious, I’m not (yet). But it certainly didn’t take my (animal) instinct away. The only thing I’m not sure of is whether menopause will, sad if it does.

I am a flirt by nature. I like it when the men I like likes me back. Who doesn’t? When I was single, I was terrified of committing to hubby (then bf) because I was having so much fun dating and he was way too serious. (Un)fortunately I didn’t sleep around, just dated & flirted. You know: you chat, you hold hands, there might be a touch here and there. Sometimes you cuddle. Sometimes you engage in teasing kisses. Most of the time you just exchange loaded glances. Other times you let yourself go stare longingly at each other but do nothing.

It gets me going. Thinking, wondering. Perhaps I’m masochistic, more likely it’s just the hopeless romantic in me. But it’s fun. It’s a recreation. It doesn’t really matter if it was an unrequited desire (note: not love).

Perhaps brought on by my returning glory, I now have McAvoy staring at me on a daily basis when my desktop (@work) shows up. Since I have two monitors, I have two McAvoys sending shivers down my spine - joy! Soon I will have more.

I also found a more human (i.e. physically here) eye-candy. Every time I remember Jason, I wish I could post this guy’s photo here to show you WHY. Hot dude’s into kite-surfing so he’s really buff. He smells clean. He wears tattered jumpers (sweatshirts to non-Brits) when casual, business suit when formal. He’s single and a real hottie. Funny though, I discovered he also knows about Owen Wilson’s problems. Hmmm.

But in any case, just having these guys to entertain my dull moments, makes up for the 8-9 hours I spend stuck in the grind of daily work. If I wasn’t married & I do have an office-affair, I think that might make the Tube a bit tolerable, too.

For now, I just enjoy the ride.

xxx
Oh yeah, hubby knows. And come to think of it, this is not so risque afterall.

That’s James McAvoy. I met him last week while watching the “Last King of Scotland”. I couldn’t get him off my mind since then. At first I was apprehensive he will be like most men that catch my eyes these days - younger than me. Well, he is but only by 2 years not 10. So I guess we can make it work, as long as his wife doesn’t find out. Oh yeah, my hubby is best kept in the dark, too.

Nak ng tokwa naman kasi! Look at those sexy eyes and what could possibly be the second most kissable lips on Earth (hubby’s is the best! — hi Mahal). I saw his bum on the film while he was cavorting with Idi Amin’s “third wife” (real life, Kay was Amin’s second wife). hihi -> yup I giggled & felt really nice all-over. “TURNAROUND, HOT STUFF!” But he couldn’t hear me.

I guess even if I wasn’t impressed with the book, I’ll have to watch “Atonement” to see him again.

auee@swooning

UPDATE 12 Sept AM:
Hubby claims to looking like my dreamboat. HMMM

About 8 years ago, a first time mum confessed to me that she was turned off by sex immediately after giving birth. She says she’s terrified of getting pregnant again. Since the husband doesn’t want her taking pills as she “may gain weight”, my friend resorted to having injectables without telling the guy.

Back then I was single & I couldn’t comprehend how someone can lose interest in sex just like that. Childbirth must be bloody painful, I thought.

Fast forward & I gave birth to a boy on 2004. It was via caesarian & there was no labour pain as it was a scheduled delivery. Hubby & I slept together, I think, a week after. At the back of my mind, I was thanking God I didn’t lose my sex drive like my friend.

Then tragedy, after a month, I can’t bear hubby’s touch. My skin felt too sensitive. Hubby would kiss my shoulders and I’d be cringing. I couldn’t bear the ticklish sensation.

Sex became a burden for me. I didn’t enjoy it anymore. I kept spurning hubby’s advances. It came to the point that we just do it 3 times a month! Poor hubby, but poorer me.

At first I attributed it to childbirth. Perhaps my decreased libido was a common “side-effect” of pregnancy. But I couldn’t find any evidence to support that assumption.

Looking at my life in the last 3 years, we can easily find out why I had no enthusiasm in bed. We left my son with my parents when he was just one month old (a painful decision I will talk about later). Then we took on a mortgage which went terribly wrong because of stupid Nationwide advisor. I then moved to a better paying job but lost my supportive boss & was replaced with a far-from-supportive manager. We brought our son to England on his 1st bday & struggled with hubby to adjust to overseas life with child & no househelp. I endured the first 6 months in nursery of a constantly sick child which resulted in me taking many days off from work which gave me a sickening feeling, too. I had my parents over here in the hopes that they will at least stay a year, but they could only take 3 months of London. We replaced them with my inlaws and that made my life nearly unbearable. From 2005 to 2006, the only thing constant with my exchanges with hubby are reminders. These are all just family matters. I was stressed period.

On the physical aspect, there was me. Not wanting to spend on myself, not wanting to waste food, not wanting to spend time on myself — I looked like a freaking blimp. I shopped for Kelvin’s shoes and clothes. I ate their leftovers. I don’t want to exercise or put on make up or do my hair, because those take time away from the “important” things I should be doing like cooking, preparing my son for bed/going-out, or just sleep & rest! Then of course, I felt depressed every time I look at myself, making me feel very un-sex-y.

Near end of 2006, I wanted changes. I want changes at work or I’m out. I want hubby & I to mature & improve our relationship, or I’m out. I want to look good & feel better about myself. After a while things started to improve. By December hubby & I were convinced everything will be okay. We can manage our affairs a lot better. But it’s not improving in the bedroom.

At the start of 2007, I found a better workplace. I am also on a makeover warpath. Recently I have been feeling more “up to it”. Perhaps it’s because I’m more positive now? Or could it be down to the nuts & avocado’s I have been eating due to my South Beach Diet?

Whatever the reason, I’m just glad the bitch is back!

When we were just dating, I complained a lot to hubby that he’s always staring at the girl (sometimes girls) across us from the jeepney, from the street, from the restaurant, etc. etc. It used to bother me so much.

One time I told him off again (always away from the perpetrators) & said I feel disrespected when he looks at other women in my company. What he said shut me up, at least for a while. He said he never tells me what I can & cannot do and he never complained when I ogle men when he’s with me. I probably looked shocked (to hear the truth & that he notices pala) because he said it was okay, that he understands as I don’t engage in flirting anyway. It was akin to window shopping because you see something you “appreciate”. So like the mature twenty-something that I were in those days, I said fine as long as we understand each other he is not to look at other women when I’m around!

These days when we a sexy woman passes I check my hubby now & again. Sometimes I ask him a trick question like “she’s got nice shoes, ‘no?” He’s learnt so his answer will invariably be similar to “whose shoes?“

Do your men ogle? Do you ogle? Are you bothered?

I’m nearly 31 & sometimes I hate to admit it, but I look at men in their 20’s and I can only shake my head. So many men, but I have let the time pass – naughty!

Kaninang umaga nasilipan ko yung cute na officemate ko. Nasanay yata na tatlo lang sila dito sa opisina. ABA e ginagawa palang dressing room yung meeting room?! May appointment ako for 9am, ni-request nung consultant na gagamit daw sya ng projector, so ich-check ko sana kung ok pa ang set-up sa meeting room.

Pagbukas ko nung pinto ng meeting room, may narinig na kong kaluskos. Akala ko naman kasi e “normal” na tao lang yung nandun. Bakit ko naman kasi iisiping may semi-naked bod duon? Hehe Kita ko boxer shorts nya, kumikinang na puti. Siempre labas ako agad. Sya naman nagkakandarapang magtago sa likod ng isang pillar, inaalis nya kasi yung isang leg ng jeans nya so nagkakandirit sya — let me laugh — haha

Kikindatan ko sana pagpasok nya sa office namin. In fairness, pwede syang pumasok ng naka-boxer shorts lang at di pangit tingnan ha!