The scene: Midnight arrival on a foreign country, a chaotic airport with missing baggage and a fear of missing your ride to the hotel.

I didn’t need a mirror to tell me how I looked – like a zombie. Bleary-eyed, messy hair due to static from rubbing against the plane’s headrest, uncomfortable skin in need of a bath, and I probably stank.

My worst nightmare was confirmed when I got to the exit. It was teeming with people waiting for friends, loved ones and customers. But not one was waiting for me. Where was the rep with the placard bearing my name or even my hotel?

The little dignity I have left contained the tears and tantrum that wanted so much to burst. I turned to the left and looked – nada. I turned to my right – nada.

Ahh hang on, turned right again and saw this hot guy checking me out. Tall latino with muscly arms and crazy hair that I find so attractive. He smiled knowing that I looked back to make sure I was the object of his attention.

I managed an exasperated smile.

Thank God for small mercies. Even if I was dogtired, hungry and getting madder by the minute, I felt flattered and a little bit better.

Wala makiri talaga ang lola nyo.

When I was 14 I saw a clean-cut guy in full-gala CAT uniform. He was s a Cdt Major then and he was practising saluting with his sword. I moved to get a closer look and saw his perfect white teeth and dimples when he smiled. I estimated he was a good 2-inches taller than me.

It was a Richard-Gere-moment, you know, falling for a guy in uniform.

Weeks passed before I told my barkada that I was salivating after this guy had a crush on this unknown guy. I had to because when he happened to pass by me one time, I turned red for the first time in my life. I have never liked anyone that much.

It was a good thing having a support group at that age. In a school of at least 4 thousand kids, it was a great help to have more than one pair of eyes to scope out your target.

One time it was raining so hard and the corridors were jampacked with students all the way down the wet stairs. We were pushing and elbowing our way and I was leading the charge. Then I felt a push and the next thing I knew my scream was fit for a horror film sound FX.

I landed on a sweet smelling embrace. He asked me if I was okay and if I saw who pushed me. Oh I could have died right there and I couldn’t have been happier. It’s like time stood still and obviously that scene’s forever etched in my memory. I bought my friends mami as thank-you.

So ngayon iniisip nyo ang lalandi namin que bata-bata pa. I will not argue, masaya naman!

When we learnt his name, my friends made it a game to call him and then hide leaving me red-faced. By the time we were formally introduced, obvious ba’ng alam na nyang patay na patay ako sa kanya?

My heart was beating so fast, I was sure everyone heard it. He said a lot of things and probably asked me something but all I could do was look in his eyes. Para kong tanga.

He started hanging out with us and things were looking rosy. Isip ko magkaka-first kiss na ko! Woohoo!

Then student election arrived and there was this nutter from section X in 4th Year who thought they were being discriminated against by not having an official party made up by the lower sections. He recruited the most personable people from those classes and unfortunately, my Major joined. I was so disappointed, I was running with one of the other “official” parties.

It was my fault, I let my immaturity stand in the way.

I’d overhear him defending me and my “section 1” friends from people when we’re doing classroom rounds campaigning. But I’d pretend I didn’t see him. He’d smile but I would turn away.

Eventually, he stopped coming over and then I never saw him again.

The last time I saw him, my kada told me to look up the school balcony and he was there waving at me.

I looked down again and regretted it since.

let’s see if I can write this in <3mins

friend: Di ba nag-injectables ka? Ok ba yun?

me: Oo, pero tinigil ko na. Sabi ni hubby wag na daw akong mag-contraceptive.

friend: (shocked) Ha?! Ano na gamit nyo? Nagbibilang?

me: Di na lang kami nag-se-sex.

friend: hehe

She thought I was joking.

I’ve been waiting and waiting but now that I’ve seen it (and repeated it twice) perhaps I shouldn’t have bothered. The film just evoked passion that I cannot quench – yet. “Lust, Caution” is… well what’s the right word? Intense?

The film itself was unbelievably long given that the storyline doesn’t necessitate that treatment (IMHO). But overall, great cinematography, superb acting & Tony Leung made it a compelling watch.Ganito pala ang matigang. Gad, it’s a hateful state.

I thought it’s already weird that I got a crush with Stephen Chow. But OMG I was not ready for (little) Tony’s sex appeal. The way he portrayed his character was strangely hypnotic. Nakakatakot at nakaka-excite. Sucker talaga ko for dominant males. Gusto ko sya’ng sigawan “sige be rough to me“.

Makauwi na nga…

But… if you happen to know him, do ask him to contact me. charing.

I had a fun two weeks when a college friend came back for the nth time. This time around she brought her younger sister with her and I took a couple of days off, too. They arrived when my workload was just starting to calm down & it was perfect timing. Even the British weather cooperated for most part of their stay.

We went clubbing on a Friday night & booked a five-star hotel in the Central London (courtesy of the younger ‘un). If my guests pull, we arranged it so I will stay with the other London-based pal. I had no plans, I just wanted to party & dance, taste proper cocktails… all of which I’ve not done in a while. Okay all of which I’ve not done in London since moving here, that’s about 7 long years.

My only target was to allow the girls as much fun as they can handle & make sure they’re safe. C, the Londoner, & I were basically pimping the younger sister. I was checking out if the guys she’s dancing with were “acceptable”, politely shoo them away if not. C was scouting until sister was okay & she got herself a guy, too. That left me and my friend, A, dancing together & really just have fun.

There was no shortage of male attention, but we kept turning them down. It’s a bit different from my experience before. Or maybe it’s the club we went to. But some men were quick to fence you in (read: bakuran ka ba) with a hand on your back. Para kong naka-electric chair dahil panay ang iwas at iling ko.

Nearing end of that night (ie. 1-2am) a group of men stood next to me & my friend. They’re not white, I thought they’re latino. Then I overheard this blonde talk to one of them. Type daw nang kaibigan nya itong si pogi, sabi naman ni pogi papahalik daw sya. The entire “conversation” was happening right behind me, as the guy was literally next to me. Cheeky huh.

But then one of them started dancing in front of me – as if we’re partners. For the nth time that night I shook my head. Bakit daw. I dunno what came over me but instead of just saying ‘sorry’, what came out was “not you“. Ahh, he said, and made way for the hot guy who was apparently standing right behind him. Ano ‘to queue? (more…

One late meeting, hot guy announced we need to make it short as he needs to pick-up his dry-cleaning. The CIO joked hot guy should find himself a woman and sort out his domestic issues.

I am the only girl in these meetings – most of the time. Without meaning to, almost by reflex I blurted out “What did you say?!”

Laughter, guffaws then CIO  backtracked and said “I mean find someone, a woman, a man… here” pointing to the office manager, who is a guy! Which of course made everything worse if there was a PC police insight.

As soon as I spoke those words though I regretted it. I’m not the most PC person and I knew his words were not meant to demean. In fact, I’m sort of glad… Now I know hot guy is not only single, but also available. *Meow*

The next sentences I will write gives me deja vu so if I have mentioned this before, please excuse me as I am too lazy to search thru my archive.

A friend has not tasted “luto ng Diyos” in a while. Impertinent as I am, I keep prodding her to find the next hot thing and do the dirty. You know, before “it” heals and close up (cue fave quote from Vagina Monologues: If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it!). So many puns there, don’t know where to start/stop.

She said that her sex drive’s gone awry and she’s not interested anymore. But when I showed her my hot guy‘s picture, she backtracked. She now says her sex drive is in the right gear afterall. But there’s a distinct lack of potential mates.

Over in my corner of the world, I’m buried over neck-deep in work and I can’t help feeling a little naughty. Perhaps I’m a escapist, or perhaps I’m really just “makiri“. But I enjoy thinking what it would be like to put my head on his chest esp when we’re standing next to each other & I can smell his clean, clean self.

To be young and free!

When I mentioned this to hubby, all he said was “subukan mo at nang putulan kita“. Such an understanding fellow.

I recently called a high school friend in Pinas. As often the case with oldies like us, we got to talking about our past escapades. At one point she mentioned common friends who got married early (due to pregnancy). Some she said were demure in high school. “Tsk, tsk“, she said “you can never tell” but what followed nearly had me fall off my chair.

She said “Di ba ikaw nga ang panay tsikinini nung high school?“

OMG! Did I really? I might have accidentally blocked that out of my memory. It’s been so long since I last heard the word tsikinini (kissmark) that there was a synaptic delay before I reacted. When I did I couldn’t contain my mirth and my embarrassment. I was probably a little red on the face.

I can honestly say though I was not alone in sporting those red spots of “love”. Yes, my then bf would have some, too (more…

In Kat’s recent post she was wondering whether she was sub-consciously censoring her posts. It really made me think. Are my posts censored, too? By posting the following racy admission, am I going to turn some readers away? Am I opening myself to ridicule? Do I care? hehe Of course, I do. But people, what I’m going to say (or write) is nothing but universal truth. Take it like Sally revealing that women fake orgasm (When Harry Met Sally).

I love feeling flirty & having that ticklish feeling of a teenager with a major crush: giggly, self-conscious, you put multiple meanings from an accidental glance, or construe electric vibes during casual conversations.

I am in-love with hubby and he can get me all hot just by naughty text messages or casually dropped innuendos while telling me to pick up groceries. But the thrill of the “chase” can still get my blood boil-a-degree, too. It’s not just men who have open sexual desire, you know.

Married women, a mum in my case, still desires (a lot). Marriage did not bind my libido. It didn’t blind me to other men, and it certainly didn’t blind my husband to other women. Marriage and the promise of monogamy can make some rebellious, I’m not (yet). But it certainly didn’t take my (animal) instinct away. The only thing I’m not sure of is whether menopause will, sad if it does.

I am a flirt by nature. I like it when the men I like likes me back. Who doesn’t? When I was single, I was terrified of committing to hubby (then bf) because I was having so much fun dating and he was way too serious. (Un)fortunately I didn’t sleep around, just dated & flirted. You know: you chat, you hold hands, there might be a touch here and there. Sometimes you cuddle. Sometimes you engage in teasing kisses. Most of the time you just exchange loaded glances. Other times you let yourself go stare longingly at each other but do nothing.

It gets me going. Thinking, wondering. Perhaps I’m masochistic, more likely it’s just the hopeless romantic in me. But it’s fun. It’s a recreation. It doesn’t really matter if it was an unrequited desire (note: not love).

Perhaps brought on by my returning glory, I now have McAvoy staring at me on a daily basis when my desktop (@work) shows up. Since I have two monitors, I have two McAvoys sending shivers down my spine – joy! Soon I will have more.

I also found a more human (i.e. physically here) eye-candy. Every time I remember Jason, I wish I could post this guy’s photo here to show you WHY. Hot dude’s into kite-surfing so he’s really buff. He smells clean. He wears tattered jumpers (sweatshirts to non-Brits) when casual, business suit when formal. He’s single and a real hottie. Funny though, I discovered he also knows about Owen Wilson’s problems. Hmmm.

But in any case, just having these guys to entertain my dull moments, makes up for the 8-9 hours I spend stuck in the grind of daily work. If I wasn’t married & I do have an office-affair, I think that might make the Tube a bit tolerable, too.

For now, I just enjoy the ride.

xxx
Oh yeah, hubby knows. And come to think of it, this is not so risque afterall.

That’s James McAvoy. I met him last week while watching the “Last King of Scotland”. I couldn’t get him off my mind since then. At first I was apprehensive he will be like most men that catch my eyes these days – younger than me. Well, he is but only by 2 years not 10. So I guess we can make it work, as long as his wife doesn’t find out. Oh yeah, my hubby is best kept in the dark, too.

Nak ng tokwa naman kasi! Look at those sexy eyes and what could possibly be the second most kissable lips on Earth (hubby’s is the best! — hi Mahal). I saw his bum on the film while he was cavorting with Idi Amin’s “third wife” (real life, Kay was Amin’s second wife). hihi -> yup I giggled & felt really nice all-over. “TURNAROUND, HOT STUFF!” But he couldn’t hear me.

I guess even if I wasn’t impressed with the book, I’ll have to watch “Atonement” to see him again.

auee@swooning

UPDATE 12 Sept AM:
Hubby claims to looking like my dreamboat. HMMM