This morning in the Tube I was verbally abused by a “young man” for telling him to mind his elbow as it was jabbing me on my sides as we’re sat next to each other. It was before 7am, the train was not jampacked but it was full enough to have people standing around the aisle.

This moron started callig me a slag, told me to “shut your face“, that I didn’t know “nuffink” and many other words that for the thickness of his uneducated accent, I couldn’t comprehend. I told him to take a cab if he was so bothered by sharing with strangers. I added that he should watch his language and manners when in public.

The buffoon answered that I shouldn’t tell him what to do as I didn’t know him. I said I can see enough to not want to know him. I ignored him from then and he removed his filthy arm away from me.

Nearing my destination, he probably remembered he was pissed so he started jabbing me again…

This time I raised my voice and when he started launching another verbal abuse at me I told him I will call the cops to fetch him at the next stop. Luckily there was an off-duty policeman, who told him to “behave or else”. Guess what the genius did? He proceeded to abuse the guy for siding “with a chink“. When the guy told him one more word and he’s done, the idiot shut up.

All the while this was happening none of the men in the carriage dared look at us. Many of the women, esp. Asians, were giving me sympathetic looks.

When this youth started whispering threats about doing something when I get off at my stop, I said to him in a loud voice to “Stop muttering idiot we can all hear your threats! If you so much as come down my stop, I will make sure you go to jail. You and your kind do NOT SCARE me!”

Siempre pa takot ako, I decided to move away from him. There’s nothing to be had there. I know I should have done so in the first place and I could have avoided that drama. But you know what? Why should I move?

I am paying for the education and in most cases, the livelihood of these demonic teenagers! Why should I fear them?

The answer? The Government does not provide me with protection.

The off duty policeman, yes thank you for the 2-minute assistance, but the effing follow-up was to get off in the next stop after giving him a talking to. Was that responsible?

Did he think the mal-educado will behave now that the nanny is gone?

The biggest fear in this country is getting knifed by a youth (a gang of youths, in most cases). The elderly and those paying taxes are shortchanged.

My biggest worry? These airheads are breeding! These are the people who are supposed to hold this country’s economy in the future. And as a working citizen, I have the right to a life not ruled by white yobs and black gangsters.

When I stood up to this guy, I was thinking of other Pinoys and minorities. Who knows how many people he’s already abused and who bowed to him? I hope that next time, he will think twice and decide against it. I hope he changes and becomes enlightened.

How that will happen I don’t know. But I certainly don’t want to grow old in this place. I pity those who won’t have a choice. No matter how lovely the United Kingdom is, if it’s ruled by dogs, then… need I say more?

Hubby’s been complaining that his sides hurt. He managed to go to work on Saturday. We went to church on Sunday, did a little food shopping, he even did the ironing (yes, he doesn’t shy away from housework).

Then I got a voicemail from him, he said he didn’t go to work today because he’s in too much pain. Thankfully (!) he got an appointment from the GP and even more fortunate it was with the “better” doctor. He got the BUPA referral and a scan request for his gall bladder. Now if he waits for NHS that will mean weeks for the results and weeks, if not months, for the consultant.

He’s due for his scan tomorrow and the only consultant near our place is available Wednesday. Hubby says if his pain becomes worse he will go to A&E (that’s the British ER). I asked him if he wants me to be there with him tomorrow. He doesn’t answer straightaway & I don’t look at him.

Deep inside me, I know he wants me to come. I want to come. BUT our Phase 1 release is this week, Friday. It’s problematic and I am needed at work. I feel responsible. BUT I am feeling horrible just thinking about it.

Hubby releases me and initially ventures the scan will be over by 10am. I know though that since the hospital is 2.5 hours away, I will not be in the office until high noon. I will be missing at least 3 meetings and the leave of absence will be without warning as the appointment was only made tonite.

So I asked him in vain really. I feel rotten, my priorities are skewed and the worst thing is I do this almost every month. I feel horrible when I can’t be with my family every time they’re sick. I cannot tend to pogiBoy every day. I cannot tend to my husband every day.

Times like these, I really feel that I did bite more than I can chew.

Religion is not a friendly topic — Nanay

I better write this before I get snowed under again. The company that showed the bride kidnapping in Krygyztan, has this segment called Cutting Edge. I manage to catch it’s latest offering called Baby Bible Bashers. If you thought, abducting women and forcing them to marry strangers is a disturbing TV moment, watching a toddler evangelise in front of an abortion clinic is just painful.

The show presented three kids: Samuel, 7, from Mississippi, Terry, 9, from Florida, and Ana from Brazil who started preaching at the age of 3.

All three kids had a common denominator, zealots for parents. Bringing up God-fearing children is something most Christian parents wish to be. But in this case, these parents went and sowed fear in the hearts of their children. These kids carry guilts the size of the world and they are tasked with impossible responsibilities. And all the parents seemed convinced that their kids are the ones who started it all. It’s a common theme, the kid “want to do it”. They feign surprise at how their kids apparent fervour.

(more…

Of course, I first knew of Penelope Cruz via Tom Cruise and I was in Pinas then. Since coming to London though, I’ve seen a couple of her Spanish films & I really like her now. All of her films that I saw were very well-chosen & she is an impressive actress.

I saw Volver just last week, courtesy of my Amazon DVD rental (really cheap!). If you haven’t seen it yet, I suggest you do especially if you’re a woman or a mother to girls. This film revolves around women, their relationships as sisters, as mothers and daughters. It also dealt with child abuse and the twists were very well played. I guess the film did lose some “feelings” because of the sub-titles but even then you’d be captivated by the simple yet charming cinematography & flow of the whole film. It’s really a must-see!

A few weeks ago, my family and our friends & their kids went to check out the Kids AM on offer at our local cinema. There were 3 adults and 3 kids and we only paid £4.50 (est 450Php)! Really Nice. The film was “Meet The Robinsons” & it was pogiBoy’s first time to experience the “big telly”. He enjoyed it! And he was very, very well behaved! I thought he’d be scared but he was so happy he kept looking at his dad & I with a huge smile on his face. He even held our hands as if to hug us but not wanting to take his eyes away from the screen. We missed the Kids AM showing of the Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles, but we’re hoping to catch Shrek 3 next week. It’s a good thing, too, because everytime pogiBoy remembers the cinema he’d smile really sweetly & then purr “muuumm big telly please”.

Well, we went back to the big telly last night, but just daddy & myself. We watched the Fantastic Four. It’s a family film & I did enjoy it with a few good laughs in-between my admiration for the sexy Silver Surfer. But I don’t think my son can sit still for 90 minutes for this film.

What I really want to talk about are two films they’ve shown on preview. This is Steve Carell, for those who don’t recognise him, he’s the uncle in another great film, “Litte Miss Sunshine”. I think the UK is behind in Hollywood films compared to Pinas so you might already know this, but I saw clips of the “Evan Almighty” & it cracked me up. So I will make sure to catch this, even if it means I will leave my hubby at home to look after pogiBoy (it’s not rated yet so I’m not sure if it’s suitable for a 3-y/o)!

And do you recognise this hunk of metal? Yes! It’s like a dream-come-true! Sad I know but hey I used to run as fast as I can just to singalong to “transformers more than meets the eye“. In fact I can still hear Optimus Prime shout “Autobots! Transform!”

Well, should I still say it? I am defintely going to see this film! By hook or by crook. And pogiBoy will not be there, it’s too violent. But mama’s cool to go! “Ride!”

Now, the “horror” bit of my entry. On our way to see Fantastic Four, we had a near-miss accident! Hubby was driving and when he turned right towards the cinema, he entered the opposite lane!!! I’ve seen this on the news countless of times and often I go “what are they thinking?!” But when I saw where hubby was going the only thing I could say was “mahal!” Thankfully, it wasn’t a busy lane. The only oncoming car managed to swerve away from a great distance & probably cursed us, too, for which I wouldn’t blame them. Then hubby managed to get on the rightcorrect lane (meaning the left lane). Only when we were “back on track” did I realise my mouth was hanging open all the time. To think our experience was probably no more than a 1 minute or 2, it did feel like forever. When we were parked, hubby was so flustered (and perhaps shaken) he nearly forgot to switch off the engine & lock the doors! Poor guy. Thank God nothing happened.

Naniniwala ka ba sa mga kababalaghan?
Roughly translated, “Do you believe in superstitions?”

A family friend just came back from their 5-week Pinas holiday when their 5-year old son developed coughs & colds. After 2 days he developed fever & the coughing became severe. After 2 weeks & a round of antibiotics, the boy was vomiting & was unable to eat and his fever was on & off. The parents have brought him to two hospital A&Es, and if you know NHS, you’ll know how frustrated they felt. Anyway, malaria and dengue were ruled out by blood tests. The mum & her family back in Nueva Ecija then consulted an albularyo (faith healer). The woman asked for the boy’s picture & immediately said he fell from a white staircase & hit an elder (nuno) on the stomach. The family in NE has no staircase but my friend said they went to Baguio where her son did fall from a white staircase! She was then told to gather holy water, blessed oil, palaspas, dried sampaguita & incense. I don’t know the entire ceremony involved but they were told to pray “Ama Namin” (Our Father). The boy was better the following day! Indeed I saw him last Sunday (three days after the pray-over) and he was running about like he’s never been sick.

I had goosebumps when my friend told me that story over the phone last week. She asked me do I believe in “such things”? I was hesitant to answer because part of me wants to say “No”, but a greater part says “Yes”.

You see, I grew up in a family where relatives develop enlarged genitals, lumps & all sorts of pains & aches that all go away immediately when the albularyo’s words were followed. And more often than not, those relatives all encounter these beings at my house! I’ve seen how grains of rice (newly removed from husks) or drops of candle form very recognisable figures. We order platters of rice cakes (bila-bilao talaga) for offerings & we all pray & ask forgiveness from the unseen.

I was told another story of a Pinay who got voodoo’ed here in London! Of course, this ranks of kwentong kutsero now, but let me tell it anyway. This nurse was complaining of serious headaches & pain on the nape. After scans & xrays, the doctors told her she’s probably just stressed. Frustrated she boarded a plane to Pinas but stopped in Dubai instead due to the severe pain she was felt. In Dubai (where she has friend to house her), she was introduced to an Indian “healer”. As soon the guy saw her, he told her that she has upset a dark person (read: maitim). All the guy did was link her small fingers point-to-point & the pain was gone. The girl said it was if something was pulled out of her nape!

Ah to live in constant fear of upsetting something you cannot see, or someone you can see but who has some sort of magical power. How to find a balance in modern life? Well you have your Faith, you have your Science. And also you have bigger things to worry about like the increasing crime rates.

But in my life there is a space for superstition. I say my “tabi po, apo“, and I will buy my son a small crucifix to pin on his shirt when we go visit Pinas. As one friend said with regards to these preventive measures, it doesn’t hurt to give them a try.

So you think being away in Pinas makes a First World country safe from the engkanto ha?

What can be more distressing than seeing your child is in pain and you’re powerless to help?

Last night my toddler choked on his meal and the whole family descended on him. I thought a fishbone got lodged in his throat. I wanted to put my index finger in his mouth and force him to regurgitate, but I’ve been growing my nails & feared I might scratch his throat. My husband did it for us. Out came everything my son ate but no sign of bone. He was crying his eyes out & to me it sounds like he’s hurting and he’s in pain.

I didn’t know what to do. Where the hell is mother’s instinct? Am I not supposed to suddenly get a rush & know whatever medical manoeuvre available for these situations? Nope, I had none of that. Common sense, I’ve always agreed and affirmed, is the rarest breed of all.

After the bone search, I took my son’s shirt off and cuddled him. He was still upset & crying. By this time I know I’m such a loser. My husband’s disapproving glare seem to confirm what a failure I was/am.

I decided to show my son the mirror & make funny noises & faces at him, he loves play-acting in front of the mirror. Lo & behold he laughed. Another minute and he’s fully-recovered. A ton of blocks were lifted from my chest. He finished his dinner whilst sitted on my lap. The rest of the night went smoothly.

This is the second “motherhood” episode I will never forget. I panicked. I pitied & still pity myself. I have no belief in my own strength. I am loser. But you know what? I love my son and I know life is a learning experience. I know that I will do my best not to let him down - ever.

Now that the lag in my workload is over, my virtual in-tray is starting to outgrow my son. I have to admit though, I feel more alive than ever. Drained but alive. Does that make sense?

Three major events (not sure if that’s the proper term) happened last week. Weekend of 2d July saw the Live8 concert held in Hyde Park. We were tuned in, my toddler was headbanging & my husband reminiscing. He saw kids in the crowd and wondered if we should have ventured to Central London… I said ah-uh. What risk my son getting dehydrated or infected in the common urinals which I doubt will have changing rooms?

Then Tuesday, 5 July, D-Day for the IOC decision from Singapore. London was jubilant. People were dancing and cavorting in Trafalgar Square. The City will host the 2012 Olympics! Fantastic! I was excited too. Wow I’ll be there and by that time my son will be old enough to actually enjoy it. My husband is ecstatic too, he keeps saying it will boost the price of our property. Well let’s hope so!

The most unforgettable was Thursday, 7 July, 4 bombs were detonated in Central London’s busiest routes during the morning rush hour. I missed it thankfully. I was already safe in the office when I received hubby’s call. I told my officemates and we were tuned in to the telly for the better part of the day. The information we’re getting were all confusing… No it’s just train collision, no there are 7 explosions… But one thing’s for sure it was mayhem and people are maimed, hurt and some are dead. I was lucky a rail station was still operating going to Barking. I walked towards Fenchurch Street from Hatton Garden. London mid-day with no traffic was an eery sight. As I told friends over and over, it was a scene you only expect to see in horror / thriller films. Patrol cars zig-zag from nowhere, people were walking, the few buses I saw were parked, police cordon were in every station I pass.

The Heavens seem to commiserate. The sky was sad with grey clouds and pouring rain. I did’t know what to feel first: rage, sadness, relief? I picked up my son on the way home and slept beside him by 6pm… Thank God the day was over.

I received calls, SMS, emails from friends. I sent a lot as well asking if they are okay, telling them we are okay. Up to now I know London is just praying for the souls of the victims, most of which are still not recovered from the Underground. I know I am one of millions hoping it never happens again.