caution: best not to read this while eating

Several weeks ago hubby said his bowel movement has changed. See he’s almost always constipated but now he says he’s always got diarrhea. I diagnosed it (yes I did) as lactose intolerance which he never suffered from until now. I urged him to see the GP anyway just to be sure & perhaps get some tablets for it.

So on & on it went, I’d see hubby absently rubbing his stomach. Sometimes I’d hear his stomach grumble. Then he developed real pain and it’s on the same side where his operation from last year was.

He did go to the GP & asked to be referred to a specialist. Today is he undergoing colonoscopy. For those who don’t know what that is, read the first sentence on the Wikipedia entry & you can imagine the face I made when I knew about it.

There are issues upon issues here.

The most important of course is the line of inquiry all those symptoms are pointing at. Colon cancer. Wow, the big C.

In the name of Jesus, we cancel that possibility and tonight we will go home with smiles on our faces. We can’t wait to testify this coming Sunday.

The next issue is not as big but just as worrisome - at least for me.

My teammate is on-leave and we have a Live release this Friday, which means I really shouldn’t be out of the office.

It’s been bugging me for days. Why can’t I sort out my priorities? What am I scared of? What are the REAL big issues in my life?

To some, this dilemma may seem crazy, a none issue. And you’re Blessed to have that conviction. Me, I’m still growing a backbone.

I remembered what I read that if you are with God, then your life priorities are re-aligned to His Will and you will want to fulfill His purpose.

I am my husband’s katuwang, his partner. He needs my support and I have to be by side.

Tuesday night I emailed my bossing to say I will take the afternoon off today.

As a church elder said, nothing in this life is bigger than God. And I believe that will all my heart.

I realized now, fear really has no place in my life. Ito pala yung claim nila when they say they are “victorious with Jesus Christ”.

It wasn’t only my pocket that was hurting last week, I came down with flu! I couldn’t believe it. London was suffering from heatwave and I can barely sit up.

I thought it was just the Monday-blues but by midday, I had to excuse myself and go on home. When pogiBoy came home, he also had a slight temp.

My entire body muscle was in pain because of very dry cough. My throat hurt so much I didn’t want to eat.

When I called the GP, I told the receptionist I want to make sure it’s not swine flu. She said the advise for swine flu was to stay home. I asked “How are we going to know it’s swine fle? Are you coming over here to check & give us our meds?”

After a brief silence she said, “You can come in at 11am”.

The doctor was surprisingly nice. He gave me some amoxicillin for the coughing & said pogiBoy doesn’t need one because his is viral - yes his favourite diagnosis for pogiBoy.

After 2 days, pogiBoy also developed coughing. Last Friday he was also given amoxicillin.

pogiBoy was probably so sick of being cooped up at home, he cried on Friday saying he doesn’t want to be sick anymore. He said his head and his throat hurt but he wanted to go back to school.

Thank God, he’s fever settled over the weekend. We’re both back to “work” today, my cough’s not as bad.

I’ve forgotten how to be sick. Gaadd… I don’t like it.

Hubby’s been complaining that his sides hurt. He managed to go to work on Saturday. We went to church on Sunday, did a little food shopping, he even did the ironing (yes, he doesn’t shy away from housework).

Then I got a voicemail from him, he said he didn’t go to work today because he’s in too much pain. Thankfully (!) he got an appointment from the GP and even more fortunate it was with the “better” doctor. He got the BUPA referral and a scan request for his gall bladder. Now if he waits for NHS that will mean weeks for the results and weeks, if not months, for the consultant.

He’s due for his scan tomorrow and the only consultant near our place is available Wednesday. Hubby says if his pain becomes worse he will go to A&E (that’s the British ER). I asked him if he wants me to be there with him tomorrow. He doesn’t answer straightaway & I don’t look at him.

Deep inside me, I know he wants me to come. I want to come. BUT our Phase 1 release is this week, Friday. It’s problematic and I am needed at work. I feel responsible. BUT I am feeling horrible just thinking about it.

Hubby releases me and initially ventures the scan will be over by 10am. I know though that since the hospital is 2.5 hours away, I will not be in the office until high noon. I will be missing at least 3 meetings and the leave of absence will be without warning as the appointment was only made tonite.

So I asked him in vain really. I feel rotten, my priorities are skewed and the worst thing is I do this almost every month. I feel horrible when I can’t be with my family every time they’re sick. I cannot tend to pogiBoy every day. I cannot tend to my husband every day.

Times like these, I really feel that I did bite more than I can chew.