We attended a Pinoy neighbour’s 7th birthday party. He’s a nice kid & his sister is even nicer. They’re always gentle with my toddler so I’m happy to get off my son’s back & leave him in their care.

The boys started to tease the girls by invading the sister’s room, where the nice-smelling girls were grooming each other. The boys on the other hand were all sweaty & when I checked their room I got out immediately. The smell was too overwhelming, magkasamang pawis at init. Anyway, the girls took Kelvin & he was only too happy to “guard” their door against the invading forces. They played for hours.

On the way home, hubby told me that when he checked on Kelvin, the birthday boy told him “Tito, kakampi namin si Kelvin, spy sya sa girls kasi may special powers sya!” Powers? They call him “Super Laway“. Kawawa naman anak ko. He was dribbling excessively that his chest was so wet, forming an “S” (like superman’s) on his shirt.

Tawa kami ng tawa. Mga bata talaga… At least di sila nandiri & my son loved being part of the game. I loved it, too.

We held our wedding date a month before my departure to London & two weeks before hubby’s return to England. We knew we wouldn’t be able to take any material gifts with us to our new “home”. We specified in the invites that we prefer gift certificates but this was only for our friends. The “older” guests (friends of our parents, the VERY few relatives) were told not to bother we just want them to witness our vows.

My Nanay & hubby’s parents were very scandalised (esp. when they saw my red dress!). They tried several times to change our minds, to withdraw that “line” from the invitations. But it was one of our best decisions ever. We used the ‘gifts’ for luggage, for additional clothes, tons of medicines & supplies. We got what we really wanted and needed. It’s akin to having a gift registry, but the oldies didn’t get it. Dahil na din kaya nasa probinsya kami?

Yesterday (15 April) we celebrated our son’s 3rd birthday party with selected family friends. We spent the entire day in the Colchester Zoo. We were all tired but everyone enjoyed themselves. We have special events booked for our group. The kids were given time with some farm animals & other critters. They were given some educational at the same time, which the parents themselves liked. Then my son took part in feeding the seals as the other Zoo visitors watched & cheered. We fed elephants, we even saw some disgusting rhino behaviour (i’ll post this later), we took part in the Easter fantasyland, and many more! It was really an amazing day.

Now here’s how it relates to my post…

We told the invitees that only the kids will have the free meal, they will have to pay for their lunch. We also told them not to bother with buying or wrapping their gifts, it’s optional. We really just wanted our friends and their kids with us on that day so it could be a group outing. If they felt they need to give something, we said maximum of 10 GBP is enough.

To some this will appear extreme. But given that the adults will have to fork out for their food and some will pay for the train fare to and from London, we felt it necessary to point out that their real gift is their presence. At the end of the day though my son still received nearly 100 GBP. We’re putting the loot in his savings account.

This is the way my hubby & I operate and we feel it’s pratical. Yes, we still spent good money on my son’s party but the idea is everyone will enjoy the day not just the adults drinking & eating themselves to death. And the money? Well isn’t it better to receive something you’d need rather than 10 punchbowls or dozens of GAP shirts?

Ito na siguro ang pinaka-unreligious easter ko. I didn’t get to do the station of the cross. Hubby didn’t manage to attend the confessions, partly my fault coz I didn’t help in coordinating his schedule. Since coming over to London, I’ve never attended Ash Wednesday. And I don’t see the “washing of the feet” mock -Last Supper rendition of the church any more (they do it here, too).

Tinatanong ko sarili ko kung nagi-guilty ako. Hindi naman, pero meron ding maliit na boses kahit paano, siguro e catholic guilt ko. We ate meat on Friday, nakalimutan ko kasi. Pero sa totoo lang kahit nung nasa Pinas ako, di ko talaga masakyan yang part ng tradisyon ng Pinoy (lang?) na wag kakain ng laman, wag maliligo bago mag-alas-tres, wag magsasaya, etc.

Anyway, masama mang pakinggan pero ang primary goal ko talaga sa 4-day break namin dito was to enjoy myself & to relax. And I did, actually - my entire family did. We went to Hyde Park. My kid fed the ducks, he ran around, he laughed a lot. Hubby & I watched a couple of R-rated films. We had an impromptu barbie on Sunday. The weather was so nice. My son didn’t take his nap & we didn’t ask him to. He just rode his bike again & again. All three of us played footie & “clean-up games” in the garden. I made some turon using plantain & also used Connie’s fish lumpia recipe for a late lunch/snack. Then to cap it all, we ate our dinner al fresco. My boy slept like a log & woke at 6am the following morning to ask for milk & slept again til 8am.

I kept receiving random hugs & kisses from my son and from my hubby, the entire long weekend. Now that’s a break…

I cannot concentrate at work. I’m too sleepy & a little bit traumatised by the failure of the public transport last night. Imagine, there was power failure on ONE line and it affected the ENTIRE network! It took me 4 hours to get home! I was so eager to get home as hubby’s off tomorrow which meant we can spend some and also my boy was being very cute when I left in the morning & I wanted to make it up to him by extending his bedtime & do some sticker game first.

My hell started because of sheer stupidity. I got to the rail station with delays already occuring, thinking it’s too far to walk back to the underground station near my office I stuck it out & got the first train available. That was my biggest mistake. Perhaps I was so agitated, my brain blocked the fact that the nearest underground station was just next door! Had I thought of it, I would have been on time or at least just an hour late.

Anyway, the train has been in one station for 40 minutes when I decided to take the DLR (similar to Pinas’ LRT). It was a smooth ride. Then I switched to the Jubilee Line which was even better. I was feeling very positive when I immediately got a District Line. I thought nearly home then, just 6 more stops. Actually that was my nightmare starting.

The tube stopped in-between station. After 15 minutes the lights were switched off, okay fine it’s only dusk & we were told they needed to cut the power off to let the c2c train through. Okay no griping from me, I just want to get home.

After 30 minutes, the driver asked whether there was any underground staff. Two came. After an hour still nothing & it was now dark. The driver switched on 2 lights in each carriage. Then a passenger learnt from another passenger in the next station that the c2c which passed us was instructed to halt so we could proceed, what did the passengers do? They jumped onto the track! Obviously causing more problems.

To cut the story short, we ended up on the tracks ourselves. On reaching the nearest station we were told there was no replacement bus to take us forward! By this time the entire District Line was suspended so the buses were full coming from the City. I had to elbow my way in the second bus that came along. It was 945pm when I reached a connecting bus stop. I just missed my bus! I waited for another 30 minutes (longer I think) in freezing wind, for my next bus.

I was anxious, I was hungry & I was cold! Hubby was waiting for me in a parking lot when I got off the bus. I was so hungry I stopped & bought some chips to sustain my 3 minute drive home — I can’t wait that long anymore. When I went upstairs hubby told me my son was saying I’m gone because they left the train station without me (I told them to go home by 730pm). He woke up & asked for water, then told me to lie down next to him. So the three of us slept together in one bed for the first time in many months.

It would have a good ending to a sordid day but I had a nightmare. I dreamt women were pulling out their placentas & the placentas, which looked like frog eggs, were rubbed on walls. They were mad & they were killing their unborn children. Where did this come from? I’m guessing I’m worrying about our decision to stop my injectables. I don’t want to get pregnant accidentally.

The madness probably relates to the managers of London’s public transportation.

Two things happened to me, one was elating and the other was depressing.

Good news first. We celebrated hubby’s birthday by visiting the zoo we want to book for my son’s birthday next week. It was a good day for several reasons. The place was nice, the weather was perfect, my kid enjoyed feeding the elephants, and my hubby & I made up. We fought the night before, yes hours before his birth-time. S’ya kasi…

Bad news. I want to expunge my demons by doing what I’m about to, that is admit to stupidity. I came in a meeting unprepared eventhough I was hosting it. I introduced a third party provider to our CIO and everything’s going well. But I am well aware that I am ever so quiet eventhough the work really concerns my department. I have a reason for this, wala akong experience sa pag-vet ng consultancy firms. I don’t know what sensible questions I could ask them, as for technical ones, limited pa din dahil di naman techie people ang kaharap ko kundi sales/marketing rep lang. So what happened? After the roundabout, humarap si bossing sa kin asking what I think and how we ought to go about dealing with this firm? OH SHIT. I will spare myself the humiliating details, suffice to say buti na lang superhero yung dev manager and he caught my face on the way to then floor.

I came home last night feeling like a super big loser. How can I be so stupid? Why didn’t I think of the possibilities? I keep ramming it on my person. If I am a masochist, I’d be drawing lines across my wrists now. As obvious from this post, I can’t stop obssessing! Last night I can’t help sighing or muttering “gees” every few minutes until I fell asleep. Hubby was there to give me a hug, too & some choice pearls of wisdom that made me feel better and prepared next time. But still… You know, first impression crap and all.

Oh well, better start researching then?

Hubby’s birthday on Sunday. Una sabi nya mag-La Tasca na lang daw kami. Okay naman sa akin dahil masarap naman talaga ang tapas dun plus child friendly ang service nila nung kumain kami duon. So yes we can come back.

Kaya lang na-mention ko na birthday na nga pala ni kulit next month. Kako kung sa bahay ang party, dapat mag-book na kami ng catering (dahil ayoko nang magluto para sa buong barrio) at ng entertainment (clown? magician? face painting? o rent na lang ng bouncy castle?). Dahil wala kaming idea sa mga presyo nito I mentioned a rounded figure of £400. Natingin sa akin si hubby nanlalaki ang mata! (I like his astounded look)

Mag-Pizza Hut kiddie party na lang daw kaya kami? Veto ako, sabi ko baka walang dumayo sa Essex para lang mag-pizza. Saka ayoko talaga, mana pa kung Jollibee yun!

So this Sunday, pupunta kami ng Colchester Zoo. I really like this idea. Una dahil gusto ko naman mag-enjoy talaga ang bebe ko. Pangalawa gusto ko yung may activity ang mga bata hindi kainan lang. Pangatlo outdoor pa sya. At ang huli, yung close friends lang namin ang iimbitahan namin. Marami-rami pa din sa totoo lang pero dahil lang maraming anak yung isang pamilya. 10 kids lang, tatlo e below 2 years old pa. Yung malaking pamilya e 4 agad ang anak na puro mga close naman namin. Anim na pamilya kami. Ang makakabigat sa bulsa palagay ko e yung bayad ng adults. Pano ko ba sasabihin na “pwede ba mare, ikaw lang sumama?” or better yet say something like, “pare wag na kayong sumama ni mare at kami ng mag-asawa ang magsu-supervise sa mga bata”… aay palpak di ba? Ang gastos. Malamang bawasan ko pa din yang mga bisita na yan na alam kong mahirap gawin.

Anyway balik tayo sa original topic ko, magiging scouting ang birthday celebration ng asawa ko. Kelangang matuloy yan dahil wala na syang weekend off. At sana e wag umulan.

He’s turning 34 at sa totoo lang e napaka-conscious. Di ko na alam kung ilang beses ko na narinig sa kanya ang “ang tanda na ng mukha ko”. Gusto kong sakalin e. Sabi ko magpa-Botox na sya hehe

Dumating na ang tulong na inaasahan namin. Siya na ang mag-aasikaso ng karamihan ng household chores na talagang di ko na nagagampanan. Aalalayan din naman namin syang mag-asawa pero at least yung day to day running ng bahay e di ko na pro-problemahin. At in around 5 months’ time, siya na ang magiging nanny ni bebe.

Malalagay na sa government sponsored preschool si bebe by September. 3 hours sya dun then the rest of the time si tita na titingin sa kanya. When that happens, she doesn’t have to tinker around the house as much. We’ve told her that the reason we ‘hired’ her is to have someone look after bebe when he moves to the local school.

Ilang araw pa lang naman sya pero yung burdened feeling talagang nawala na. Di ko nga alam na ganun ako ka-anxious pala but in the 2 days I’ve been back to work, for the first time in 2 years, parang mas relaxed ako. Relaxed ang isip ko na safe ang anak ko, relaxed ang isip ko na di ko kelangang magmadaling umuwi etc etc.

Siempre may nagging feeling pa din na baka mamaya pakitang tao lang ito. Baka mamaya saktan nya si bebe when they’re alone, etc etc. Pero I believe God will protect my son. And of course, vigilant naman ako. Still I pray daily & nightly na “she” is the one na nga.

Daming nangyari. My toddler turned two, we went back to Pinas, we went back to London, and now I’m back to work.

I’ve had “crying freeman” moments with my husband, with my nanay, with my sisters and with my self.

There were so many time when I was telling myself I’ll be okay while wiping my tears & snot, that I paused and wished I have a laptop so I can type my emotions away.

There were moments when I felt so little and inadequate which “homecoming” seem to do to me every time. I become the kid sister who knows nothing about life, I morph to a little whimpering girl. At least to my family’s eyes I’m always their bunso. So some of them can’t hold their tongue & really feel they need to tell me to prioritise my son; to look after his health as he’s becoming too sickly, as if my husband & I aren’t moving heaven and earth to give our son the best care in this world. When I replied (one time) to remind a sensitive soul that I don’t need reminding as I am the mother & though I don’t want my son to get sick, it can’t be helped; that even if I don’t want him to stay in a nursery, I need to work. The next thing I knew I was being told not be too defensive. OH COME ON!

The continuing saga with my inlaws ended with them hanging up on me when I called. Sorry but all I can say is “ang bastos naman”. As far as I’m concerned I’ve done my part. That’s it. No more in-laws.

Before I even contacted those oldies I tried getting in touch with the half-brother-in-law. I was told “they said they’re not in”. Oooh what a classic mistake(?). To get involved in something they’ve nothing to do with is… low. Where did all the “pakikisama” I’ve done gone? Thru the window apparently.

The holiday I was supposed to spend wasn’t much of a holiday. I fleeted between hospitals-clinics-dentists the whole time. So obviously spent a lot of money there. Hopefully money well-spent, but not on what I wanted (i.e. liposuction?).

Now with everything that’s transpired between me and my husband’s kin, we’d need to talk about a lot of things. Two weeks on and we still haven’t had the time to discuss anything. We’re tip-toeing around each other & we’re totally skipping that subject. When I broached it last week, he wasn’t too keen to listen. We’ll try again.

A lot of friends have been separating with partners left & right, in Pinas and here in London. I hope we don’t come to that. Aside from inlaws of course we fight about other things & it does get to me. For me all the “problems” we’re facing are minor as long as we stick together, we stand as one & make our love a priority. Unfortunately, to act and behave like reasonable, mature people is more difficult in practice. Our marriage is still young & maybe the honeymoon period is over. But I hope our relationship withstands whatever is coming our way & that we weather what we’re facing now.

I thought the whole month’s gonna pass without any problems. But last weekend after a kiddie party, my son got sick. Hubby & I have to juggle work & nursing the little boy. There’s much discussion about who should stay at home. I insist I did last time & it’s his turn.

We’re both very busy. But of course I felt I deserved to work coz it’s my last 2 weeks & I’m still recruiting & training the testers. I feel guilty that I might leave the company in a lurch (yes I know I should be guilty of thinking that when my son is sick). Thankfully hubby’s got 2 days off so it wasn’t that bad. For his side, he insists he’s needed at the hospital coz he’s a “sister” & the rest of the staff are juniors.

The perils of parenthood with no grandparents as backup.

Anyway, two nights ago, my son was fighting with hubby to stay awake though he’s clearly sleepy. He hasn’t been eating well and… well, he’s got gastroentiritis, it’s not pretty.

I was groggy & tired from work, I just want to sleep. It was 8pm & was half-awake when my mobile phone rang. There were so many voices in the background all giggly & I thought maybe I know them, I just don’t recognize the number. A guy said hello & said “ayan na” & gave the phone to someone else. Still patient but yawning, I asked who it was. This time a Filipino girl answered, said my name & said “Nanay mo” (your mother) & started to giggle. I hang up.

We’re miles away from home (the Philippines) and Filipinos still waste each other’s time with crank calls. So two days later I remembered & gave the number a call. A girl answered & when I told her who I was she was very apologetic. She won’t say who she was except that she’s a nurse. I asked why she felt the need to call me at night to celebrate their drunken-ness & she started to stammer. Naman… We’re all trying to make a living far away from loved ones & you still get idiots following you around.

Mother’s Day here in Britain last Sunday, 26 March. It’s discomforting because of two reasons: First, it’s so commercialised, you can’t go into a shop without seeing “bouquet for mum” with an astronomical price tag. Second, because in the Philippines we celebrate Mother’s Day in May (tama ba?). So I need to hoard a few cards to send in out in the “off-season”. The bad thing is I forgot. So sorry Nanay, sorry sisters.

And does anyone know why the English spell ‘mom’ as ‘mum’? I’m being constantly corrected by American-English taught friends!

Buti na lang my son is here this time of year & he’s even old enough to carry light weights. My hubby made Kelvin give me their gift of ‘mum’ frame & ‘mum’ coffee mug with a hug & a kiss. Of course my 21-month old son thought they were his.

I can’t wait until he’s actually old enough cut out his own cards & maybe cook me breakfast in bed. Now that’s a plus for Mother’s Day!