caution: best not to read this while eating

Several weeks ago hubby said his bowel movement has changed. See he’s almost always constipated but now he says he’s always got diarrhea. I diagnosed it (yes I did) as lactose intolerance which he never suffered from until now. I urged him to see the GP anyway just to be sure & perhaps get some tablets for it.

So on & on it went, I’d see hubby absently rubbing his stomach. Sometimes I’d hear his stomach grumble. Then he developed real pain and it’s on the same side where his operation from last year was.

He did go to the GP & asked to be referred to a specialist. Today is he undergoing colonoscopy. For those who don’t know what that is, read the first sentence on the Wikipedia entry & you can imagine the face I made when I knew about it.

There are issues upon issues here.

The most important of course is the line of inquiry all those symptoms are pointing at. Colon cancer. Wow, the big C.

In the name of Jesus, we cancel that possibility and tonight we will go home with smiles on our faces. We can’t wait to testify this coming Sunday.

The next issue is not as big but just as worrisome - at least for me.

My teammate is on-leave and we have a Live release this Friday, which means I really shouldn’t be out of the office.

It’s been bugging me for days. Why can’t I sort out my priorities? What am I scared of? What are the REAL big issues in my life?

To some, this dilemma may seem crazy, a none issue. And you’re Blessed to have that conviction. Me, I’m still growing a backbone.

I remembered what I read that if you are with God, then your life priorities are re-aligned to His Will and you will want to fulfill His purpose.

I am my husband’s katuwang, his partner. He needs my support and I have to be by side.

Tuesday night I emailed my bossing to say I will take the afternoon off today.

As a church elder said, nothing in this life is bigger than God. And I believe that will all my heart.

I realized now, fear really has no place in my life. Ito pala yung claim nila when they say they are “victorious with Jesus Christ”.

I received the same email from my sisters about this Chinese couple who had a May-December affair.

I proceeded to reply, talking about hubby and I, but I ended on a different love story.

I miss her with all my being it hurts even after 6 years.

(more…

After weeks of speculation and doubts, we’re finally going. Hubby had dreamt of visiting the Theater of Dreams eversince landing on English soil. And this Saturday it’s finally going to happen.

We’re going to say hello and goodbye at the same time.

It’s Ole Gunner Solskjaer (sols-shire) testimonial and we’ve been lucky enough to grab some seats before the Norwegians take them all.

I have to confess though, I’m not really a football fan. I’m not averse to it. I know some players, I know what an offside rule is (I should say I *believe* I know…, but I can survive an entire season without it. I do not need the most expensive cable channel on my subscription.

But Hubs is a different matter. We got Sky just because… He has x-number of Utd shirts. He shouts & jeers at home or in the pub during matches — and these even when he’s alone! Yes, he goes to pubs & communes with like-minded individuals and bonds with other Red Devil supporters.

(more…

Hubby’s been complaining that his sides hurt. He managed to go to work on Saturday. We went to church on Sunday, did a little food shopping, he even did the ironing (yes, he doesn’t shy away from housework).

Then I got a voicemail from him, he said he didn’t go to work today because he’s in too much pain. Thankfully (!) he got an appointment from the GP and even more fortunate it was with the “better” doctor. He got the BUPA referral and a scan request for his gall bladder. Now if he waits for NHS that will mean weeks for the results and weeks, if not months, for the consultant.

He’s due for his scan tomorrow and the only consultant near our place is available Wednesday. Hubby says if his pain becomes worse he will go to A&E (that’s the British ER). I asked him if he wants me to be there with him tomorrow. He doesn’t answer straightaway & I don’t look at him.

Deep inside me, I know he wants me to come. I want to come. BUT our Phase 1 release is this week, Friday. It’s problematic and I am needed at work. I feel responsible. BUT I am feeling horrible just thinking about it.

Hubby releases me and initially ventures the scan will be over by 10am. I know though that since the hospital is 2.5 hours away, I will not be in the office until high noon. I will be missing at least 3 meetings and the leave of absence will be without warning as the appointment was only made tonite.

So I asked him in vain really. I feel rotten, my priorities are skewed and the worst thing is I do this almost every month. I feel horrible when I can’t be with my family every time they’re sick. I cannot tend to pogiBoy every day. I cannot tend to my husband every day.

Times like these, I really feel that I did bite more than I can chew.

Dear friend,

Nung weekend para kong may flu dahil sa severe symptoms ng hay fever. Di ako makakilos, even combing my hair was a huge effort as my scalp felt really tender. Then the limited breathing. Maaawa ka sa akin, I was breathing through my mouth for 2 days!!! There were times I really felt like dying. I felt guilty too that I couldn’t play with pogiBoy properly. Talagang telly-time lang sya. Friday night I planned on taking him to the town fair and even to the cinema, I didn’t count on my “enemy” arriving on Saturday morning. KAINIS.

This morning when I was about to leave for work, hubby said pogiBoy has temp last night. I felt my stomach lurch. If pogiBoy is not better this evening that will mean one of us will have to take a leave of absence. And that thought made me feel worse because ideally when pogiBoy has a temp, we let him stay at home for 2 days. But if we keep on doing that & he gets fever at least once a month, that would mean our work-attendance will be blatantly pockmarked.

Nakakaloka.

I really hope pogiBoy recovers today. I blame the stupid weather… Come on sky, where’s our Summer sun & warmth?!

As for me, it looks like I will have to wait a little longer for the hay fever vaccine to become available in the UK. Crap.

So how was your weekend again?

Lovingly yours,
me

I am from an OFW family. Tatay left for Saudi when I was 6-7 years old. He retired when I was 16 and about to leave for college. To say that I didn’t really know him until then was an understatement. It was a shock to both of us. I knew then that I don’t ever want to break up my family for an overseas work. It’s all of us or nothing.

But I ate my words. We left our 1 month old baby in the care of my parents. I agreed with hubby when he said we need to recoup, sort out our mortgage and take pogiBoy back after a year. We were in pain, but I knew it was the right decision. Perhaps to justify it even further, I know a lot of Pinoys were doing the same thing. Still it hurt though when people openly criticise our decision, as if they can help us with childcare. I have to put on a brave face in every gathering. I cannot show that I cry at night or on the bus on the way home to an empty house. I cannot tell anyone that I want to kill myself on my son’s first Christmas because we’re not together. I have to be brave & strong for us.

When my son was nearly one, we went home to bond with him & prepare him for the flight back. I cannot tell you the emotions that surged through me when I first saw him at NAIA. But I can tell you the pain that ripped hubby & I many times when he won’t come near us. For three days we endured sleepless nights because he won’t go to sleep when we try to put him to bed. He’d wake up several times at night asking for his Lola. We nearly gave up when pogiBoy lost his voice from too much crying. Finally on the fourth day he became used to me. He allowed me to give him a bath without a fight. We went to bed with no problem & he slept soundly next to Daddy & myself.

Our flight back to England was wonderful. Arriving home he immediately settled in. On his first week here he even managed to walk on his own! Wala na kasing karga ng karga. He was always smiling. He always wakes up in a happy mood. I was in Heaven.

Then reality arrived soon enough. The first 2 weeks of nursery was pretty bad. But that wasn’t the problem, he got sick too often. I think he caught everything that every kid in their room have. For the 6 months that we paid for his place, he probably spent just 3 months of it in there. We were constant visitors to the GP and the A&E (i.e. ER). It was a struggle to keep him “plump” as he’d lose weight the instant he falls sick. Hubby & I rotated our absences from work. Sometimes I manage to work from home. But still we never felt like giving up to send him back to Pinas. No. He will stay with us, we’re happy, he’s happy.

Then I received a call from one of my sisters. It is expected that they will worry about pogiBoy but her words were “napapabayaan nyo na ang bata, dapat hindi trabaho ang inuuna nyo“. To be accused of neglect by other people is bad enough but my own family? I just dropped the call. Our oldest sister called to explain that the words didn’t come out right. I think they did. I didn’t talk to ditse for a while but I do know she had only the best intentions for her nephew.

Hubby & I were killing ourselves taking care of our son. We were looking at all sorts of avenue to get him seen by the right people. We were spending serious money on his health & his care. We are good parents to our son. He stays in the nursery because that is the reality here in England. We don’t have a Lola to rely on. We are doing our best, no one can say otherwise.

These days pogiBoy is thriving. He’s been with his current nursery for over a year. He’s developing well even given his persistent glue ear. We managed to take a break in Pinas in 2006 & this time around, he wouldn’t go near his Lola & aunties, but only for a few hours.

It seems like all those hurt happened a long time ago. It’s funny because it’s only been three (3) years.

Hubby’s auntie is leaving next month. We gave it a try but it didn’t work out so back to Pinas she goes. It means I’ll have to cook during week nights for next day’s meal. It also means we cannot just book our GP or dentist or our social life as easily. Even more so it means I would have to ask my bossing for flexible working hours. You’ve heard it before “ang hirap ng walang katulong”.

But as I keep telling hubby, if these westerners can do it, why can’t we? Actually, we managed to do it for 2 years, auntie was only here for 5 months. It’s just the lazy bones have been too comfy in their current state. The looming “inconveniences” are the real killer. Whether you’re in Pinas or abroad we all have the same domestic chores to finish coming home from work. It sucks but that’s life.

So this early, hubby & I are already in transition phase. He has to pick up the ironing as with my busted elbow I cannot do that anymore. We also need to synchronise our schedules & activities. One example, in days he takes pogiBoy to the nursery, I need to be in the office by 7am so I can leave by 4′ish & pick up our son. But hubby also must not forget to take out the meat/fish from the freezer so it’s thawed by the time our son is in bed (8pm). By 8pm I should have finished reading the story for the night, proceed to fold the dried clothes, put more laundry in the washing & cook the meal for tomorrow. Around 9pm hopefully this time around I am still okay to relax or do some exercise.

Well, Houston it’s back to normal.