I had a fun two weeks when a college friend came back for the nth time. This time around she brought her younger sister with her and I took a couple of days off, too. They arrived when my workload was just starting to calm down & it was perfect timing. Even the British weather cooperated for most part of their stay.

We went clubbing on a Friday night & booked a five-star hotel in the Central London (courtesy of the younger ‘un). If my guests pull, we arranged it so I will stay with the other London-based pal. I had no plans, I just wanted to party & dance, taste proper cocktails… all of which I’ve not done in a while. Okay all of which I’ve not done in London since moving here, that’s about 7 long years.

My only target was to allow the girls as much fun as they can handle & make sure they’re safe. C, the Londoner, & I were basically pimping the younger sister. I was checking out if the guys she’s dancing with were “acceptable”, politely shoo them away if not. C was scouting until sister was okay & she got herself a guy, too. That left me and my friend, A, dancing together & really just have fun.

There was no shortage of male attention, but we kept turning them down. It’s a bit different from my experience before. Or maybe it’s the club we went to. But some men were quick to fence you in (read: bakuran ka ba) with a hand on your back. Para kong naka-electric chair dahil panay ang iwas at iling ko.

Nearing end of that night (ie. 1-2am) a group of men stood next to me & my friend. They’re not white, I thought they’re latino. Then I overheard this blonde talk to one of them. Type daw nang kaibigan nya itong si pogi, sabi naman ni pogi papahalik daw sya. The entire “conversation” was happening right behind me, as the guy was literally next to me. Cheeky huh.

But then one of them started dancing in front of me - as if we’re partners. For the nth time that night I shook my head. Bakit daw. I dunno what came over me but instead of just saying ’sorry’, what came out was “not you“. Ahh, he said, and made way for the hot guy who was apparently standing right behind him. Ano ‘to queue? (more…

When you’re done reading my post, some of you will be incensed and are likely to say the Title is harsh.

I only knew of another protest going round the Net via Kotseng Kuba’s post. Apparently some Middle East based kababayan are encouraging all overseas Filipinos not to remit any money on 1-2 November, that’s this coming Thursday and Friday. This is because of what they perceive as a false perception of a stronger Peso buoyed by the OFW remittances. Generally the feeling is that it is unfair that our converted pay is now lower than before and our families in Pinas are left shortchanged because of the ever rising inflation. One would expect that with the upward trend for a better Peso - Dollar rate that our economy should also show signs of reviving. Unfortunately, that is not the case. (more…

Kainis kapag umuulan at tulak-tulak ko ang stroller ni Kelvin. Mas nakakainis pag na-realise kong wala pala akong pera’ng pang-cab.

So kanina’ng umaga ang lakas ng hangin at ang lakas din ng ulan. Bumigat ang pantalon ko sa sobrang basa at para kong naligo uli. Pagdating ko sa opisina, sabi ng opismeyt ko kamusta daw. I was going to reply “I feel like a wet chick” but it doesn’t sound right. Paano ba ita-translate nang maayos yung “Eto parang basa’ng sisiw“?

Sa traffic light may couple na sobrang affected yata ng bed weather, halikan ng halikan. Gusto kong itulak nung nag-green man at sabihan nang “Pwede ba, mamaya na kayo mag-sipsipan ng mukha?“

I kept my cool. Naiinggit lang ako.

I have read about Oasis Airlines the first time it was publicised in mid-2006. Back then when I checked their London-Manila rate, the three of us could have gotten a return ticket at less than £500! But I didn’t push it. First, we needed a budget for allowance money & a Pinas trip for 2007 is not planned. Second, I wasn’t sure of their service (as they’re new) & I wouldn’t want the family to suffer from DVT (deep vein thrombosis).

Around March of this year, some people we know started talking about Oasis & they knew people-who-knew-other-people who used the airline daw. There is one girl in particular who managed a roundtrip flight for £200 daw.

So the other night, while hubby & I were looking for Eurostar Paris break for August, I showed him Oasis just out of fancy. Sabi nya agad mag-book na daw kami. Imagine, Emirates (which we always take) quoted a March 2008 flight for our family at around £2800. In Oasis it was just £750, including taxes and surcharges!

The following morning I called my sister in Dubai. The last time we spoke her hubby suggested we coordinate our hols next year. I have not seen my sister for 6 years & her daughter I haven’t kissed or hugged since birth! I was really excited. Then I called my ate in Pinas to tell her the good news. She got over excited, akala nya this year kami uuwi. Ay Mali. But in any case, when I told her I will book the tickets that night & the Dubai family will book theirs soon after, ate was really over the moon. It will be fantastic for our parents, too.

I started emailing Pinas-based friends. All day long I’ve had visions of what I will do. How we will arrange our itineraries. I started dreading the suggestion that we stay with my outlaws for a few days. I mentally checked my shopping list for the family: jeans, hankies, ilocos kornik, and chocnuts are but a few.

Then I couldn’t resist it, I peeked at Oasis one more time. Ngek, they only have schedules for March 2008. Wala pa April. I was miffed because hubby said before bed that we ought to go in April in time for Kelvin’s 4th birthday. It made sense but still… you know, I was put back to Earth & made to face my reality.

I will have to wait perhaps until end of July (I emailed Oasis to enquire) before we can book our Pinas flights to Hongkong & connecting flights to Pinas. I know I will also wait for 8 months before we can fly home. But if I just have the booking confirmed & the printout framed in front of me, I’m sure the coming cold winter will be a breeze.

I miss Pilipinas so much.

I am from an OFW family. Tatay left for Saudi when I was 6-7 years old. He retired when I was 16 and about to leave for college. To say that I didn’t really know him until then was an understatement. It was a shock to both of us. I knew then that I don’t ever want to break up my family for an overseas work. It’s all of us or nothing.

But I ate my words. We left our 1 month old baby in the care of my parents. I agreed with hubby when he said we need to recoup, sort out our mortgage and take Kelvin back after a year. We were in pain, but I knew it was the right decision. Perhaps to justify it even further, I know a lot of Pinoys were doing the same thing. Still it hurt though when people openly criticise our decision, as if they can help us with childcare. I have to put on a brave face in every gathering. I cannot show that I cry at night or on the bus on the way home to an empty house. I cannot tell anyone that I want to kill myself on my son’s first Christmas because we’re not together. I have to be brave & strong for us.

When my son was nearly one, we went home to bond with him & prepare him for the flight back. I cannot tell you the emotions that surged through me when I first saw him at NAIA. But I can tell you the pain that ripped hubby & I many times when he won’t come near us. For three days we endured sleepless nights because he won’t go to sleep when we try to put him to bed. He’d wake up several times at night asking for his Lola. We nearly gave up when Kelvin lost his voice from too much crying. Finally on the fourth day he became used to me. He allowed me to give him a bath without a fight. We went to bed with no problem & he slept soundly next to Daddy & myself.

Our flight back to England was wonderful. Arriving home he immediately settled in. On his first week here he even managed to walk on his own! Wala na kasing karga ng karga. He was always smiling. He always wakes up in a happy mood. I was in Heaven.

Then reality arrived soon enough. The first 2 weeks of nursery was pretty bad. But that wasn’t the problem, he got sick too often. I think he caught everything that every kid in their room have. For the 6 months that we paid for his place, he probably spent just 3 months of it in there. We were constant visitors to the GP and the A&E (i.e. ER). It was a struggle to keep him “plump” as he’d lose weight the instant he falls sick. Hubby & I rotated our absences from work. Sometimes I manage to work from home. But still we never felt like giving up to send him back to Pinas. No. He will stay with us, we’re happy, he’s happy.

Then I received a call from one of my sisters. It is expected that they will worry about Kelvin but her words were “napapabayaan nyo na ang bata, dapat hindi trabaho ang inuuna nyo“. To be accused of neglect by other people is bad enough but my own family? I just dropped the call. Our oldest sister called to explain that the words didn’t come out right. I think they did. I didn’t talk to ditse for a while but I do know she had only the best intentions for her nephew.

Hubby & I were killing ourselves taking care of our son. We were looking at all sorts of avenue to get him seen by the right people. We were spending serious money on his health & his care. We are good parents to our son. He stays in the nursery because that is the reality here in England. We don’t have a Lola to rely on. We are doing our best, no one can say otherwise.

These days Kelvin is thriving. He’s been with his current nursery for over a year. He’s developing well even given his persistent glue ear. We managed to take a break in Pinas in 2006 & this time around, he wouldn’t go near his Lola & aunties, but only for a few hours.

It seems like all those hurt happened a long time ago. It’s funny because it’s only been three (3) years.

Hubby, his aunt & I were talking about retirement last night. We know of several people, mostly couples, who opted to spend their retirement in Pinas.

My first example is this couple who spent their first year in Pinas, well, spending. They sold their maisonette here in the UK, cashed part of their pensions and proceeded to build what they thought would be their multiple homes. The husband built a house in his hometown in Pangasinan. They also built a house in Tagaytay. Their main residence is Bulacan where they have two houses: one is shared with the woman’s family (everyone pitched in), and the other a 4M house which now stands empty. They returned here last year to everyone’s surprise. I haven’t spoken to them since but I can imagine what happened. Finances aside (the endless spending), they’re bored. Once the houses were built, they have no more project to work on. They missed working. So at the age nearing 70, the woman, I was told, is back in NHS doing “agencies” (replacement nurse). The sad part really is they’re co-habiting with friends as they have nowhere to stay here.

Now we have another couple, originally from Pangasinan, who both worked for the Royal Mail. They received handsome pensions when they opted to retire. They sold their house to their daughter for cheap. In Pinas, we were told, the couple bought a mango orchard with 400 fruit-bearing trees. They also bought a “palaisdaan”. They own a house & lot near the beach where the compound’s neighbour apparently includes Gretchen Barretto. When my friend went to visit them last month, the couple took her & her family to an island via their newly-bought fishing boat. And of course, these retirees have no plans to come visit grey London anytime soon.

Some people have this grand vision that when they retire, they will enjoy doing nothing. But I have yet to see that pan out.

There are so many pitfalls for balikbayans thinking of spending their grey years in Pinas:
- If the person doesn’t have enough money then old age in Pinas will not be kind. Remember old age = aches & pains = high medical bills & maintenance.
- I don’t think anyone will really want a life with nothing to do. Even your closest friend cannot chat with you day-in & day-out.
- Balikbayans are accustomed to work, hardwork even. If they suddenly face what they see as “doña’s life”, they’d go stark raving mad.
- Some balikbayans will not settle to Pinas life anymore. It’s a fact. Yes, you visit once a year, you think you still know the place, but it’s a different story when you’re a permanent resident once more.

Like many other employees, I have designs for my own retirement. I know that to enjoy my retirement in Pinas I need enough money to support myself (& hubby). I have a very long “to do list”. Painting, photography, writing, see Pinas: those are just few of MY wants. But I also want to be able to “give back”. I don’t know how, I don’t know where, but I want to give my time not just money.

Retirement doesn’t mean stagnancy. As proven by Sexy Mom & Annamanila (ok she’s nearly retired), there’s more to life out there. I see it as my freedom to finally do what I want. I’m just hoping I will have enough fuel to sustain me.

Hubby’s auntie is leaving next month. We gave it a try but it didn’t work out so back to Pinas she goes. It means I’ll have to cook during week nights for next day’s meal. It also means we cannot just book our GP or dentist or our social life as easily. Even more so it means I would have to ask my bossing for flexible working hours. You’ve heard it before “ang hirap ng walang katulong”.

But as I keep telling hubby, if these westerners can do it, why can’t we? Actually, we managed to do it for 2 years, auntie was only here for 5 months. It’s just the lazy bones have been too comfy in their current state. The looming “inconveniences” are the real killer. Whether you’re in Pinas or abroad we all have the same domestic chores to finish coming home from work. It sucks but that’s life.

So this early, hubby & I are already in transition phase. He has to pick up the ironing as with my busted elbow I cannot do that anymore. We also need to synchronise our schedules & activities. One example, in days he takes Kelvin to the nursery, I need to be in the office by 7am so I can leave by 4′ish & pick up our son. But hubby also must not forget to take out the meat/fish from the freezer so it’s thawed by the time our son is in bed (8pm). By 8pm I should have finished reading the story for the night, proceed to fold the dried clothes, put more laundry in the washing & cook the meal for tomorrow. Around 9pm hopefully this time around I am still okay to relax or do some exercise.

Well, Houston it’s back to normal.

This seems to be true for our Pinoy nurses no matter where they are. Much more apt to those I have met here in the UK. They left Pinas because their salaries cannot support them and their families. Staying in Pinas meant their dreams will remain just that. Our nurses in the Middle East moved here, too.

When the UK opened its doors, those “lucky” Pinoys did all they could to come over. Some are still trying to get in eventhough NHS has stopped hiring. Those who have been here for 4-5 years are now either permanent residents or are British citizens. I’m sure at least 80-90% of them have debt in the form of loans (for that mansion in Pinas) and multiple credit/store cards, or even a mortgage and/or a new car.

However, they also realise that the health service in the United Kingdom is akin to that of Pinas - it’s very low-paid. Unlike the fire service, they cannot go on strike to demand more money. So they are stuck. Then it hit most of them that the cost of living is “too high”, especially since everyone insists on living in & around London. Add to the fact that the culture is quite different from that of their real American dream.

So we have a list of enumerable complaints. The houses are too small. The facilities are antiquated. The weather sucks (compared to California). The cars are too expensive. Applying for a decent mortgage is near impossible. All these are heard everywhere from every Filipinos’ mouth, of course those are in comparison to the lives of their bros/sis/cousins in America, in Canada, or in Australia.

I have a number of friends who flew to America and Oz and many are to follow this year, their kids in tow. There goes the noc Filipino again searching for a better life. But is it really that bad? Here we get free medical and dental (to an extent for adults, free for kids til 18 y/o). We now have 1 year maternity leave with pay, paternity leave has been extended to 3 months. We have parental leaves. Most companies do not impose a set number of allowable sick leave. We have proper bank holidays and nurses are allowed 1 month vacations where they have a total of more than 35 days off in a year! Yes sometimes education sucks, but it’s the same anywhere. You have to find your child a decent school (free or semi-private or private). Eventhough it’s a common notion that Europe has far to go in terms of racial equality, there is racial integration in London and Human Rights count for something not just lip service.

It boils down to contentment. It is difficult to please everyone & of course if you don’t feel comfortable where you are, you move. I’m just thinking that some Pinoys seem very difficult to please. Or perhaps some of them didn’t know what they were getting themselves into when they jumped on their first plane to UK. Let’s hope they know now.

I revisited my Drafts and found this saved from Q2 of 2006

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The title is supposed to be a literal translation of the Pinoy proverb “isang kahig, isang tuka“. Mostly associated with the working class struggling to make ends meet.

But does it still apply to OFWs across the globe when they’re earning more than their counterparts back home? Of course!

Hubby & I live and work in London. Yes, if we convert our income to peso (php), we’re mucho dinero but since we have a mortgage, a car, childcare costs, household bills & taxes (there are so many in the UK!) to pay, we have no spare cash after every pay day. Our wallets are as thin as Kate Moss, if not thinner.

I’d like to think we’re not destitute but we can’t save a penny - yet. Right now our earnings’ just enough. We’re gritting our teeth but our situation will ease in a year’s time. By then, hopefully we should have completed our payment in our Tagaytay property & we’ll have that spare dime we can then stash in our starving savings account.

Another year & the car would be paid, which would mean we can upgrade if want to. Or even decide to get another property in Pinas or even here. We could opt to work on that extension on our house… So… yes, we’re tightening our belts so we can live it out in comfort & we can secure our future back home. We’re not greedy, we’re realistic. I tell hubby the reason for all the “struggle” is because we can do this while we’re still young & can handle the “stress”. But can we?

I thought the whole month’s gonna pass without any problems. But last weekend after a kiddie party, my son got sick. Hubby & I have to juggle work & nursing the little boy. There’s much discussion about who should stay at home. I insist I did last time & it’s his turn.

We’re both very busy. But of course I felt I deserved to work coz it’s my last 2 weeks & I’m still recruiting & training the testers. I feel guilty that I might leave the company in a lurch (yes I know I should be guilty of thinking that when my son is sick). Thankfully hubby’s got 2 days off so it wasn’t that bad. For his side, he insists he’s needed at the hospital coz he’s a “sister” & the rest of the staff are juniors.

The perils of parenthood with no grandparents as backup.

Anyway, two nights ago, my son was fighting with hubby to stay awake though he’s clearly sleepy. He hasn’t been eating well and… well, he’s got gastroentiritis, it’s not pretty.

I was groggy & tired from work, I just want to sleep. It was 8pm & was half-awake when my mobile phone rang. There were so many voices in the background all giggly & I thought maybe I know them, I just don’t recognize the number. A guy said hello & said “ayan na” & gave the phone to someone else. Still patient but yawning, I asked who it was. This time a Filipino girl answered, said my name & said “Nanay mo” (your mother) & started to giggle. I hang up.

We’re miles away from home (the Philippines) and Filipinos still waste each other’s time with crank calls. So two days later I remembered & gave the number a call. A girl answered & when I told her who I was she was very apologetic. She won’t say who she was except that she’s a nurse. I asked why she felt the need to call me at night to celebrate their drunken-ness & she started to stammer. Naman… We’re all trying to make a living far away from loved ones & you still get idiots following you around.