A friend once said I am a sentimental fart, and it’s true, I am.

I count the few friends I have as God’s Blessing for He knows I have so many issues and insecurities I need people I can depend on to make me laugh, to lift me up and to make me face reality & bring me down to Earth. I would like to think I am also a Blessing to them, that in little things or ways I add colour and comfort in their lives.

I have lost a friend to Death and it hurt so much. I’ve also seen some of my friendships fade.

And I just realized that another one is slowly dying.

Maybe I’ve been too busy to notice the dwindling emails, the delayed or sometimes lack of response. And now I found out that there’s been no how-are-you since the start of the year.

Of course, I reasoned with myself that everyone can be busy, everyone has a life & emails do not matter. When I saw this familiar name on the “People you may know” on Facebook, I reasoned that not hooking up with me doesn’t count. What is FB anyway but a waste of time?!

But when I came home, I didn’t feel the warmth I was expecting. The excitement and thrill was unidirectional.

I felt my heart break. This person meant a lot to me. Sa salitang kalye “idol ko yan“. The guy was my confidante, my rock  and teacher.

I should dig deeper and we could talk about this. But I’ve been asking myself if it’s worth it. It’s not something I’d want to do. Beg or ask for a friendship extension? At least that’s what it feels like to me. If you are my friend, you are my friend for life & even if you live in the moon.

How difficult is it to maintain a friendship really?

You don’t buy your friends. Same as every normal person on Earth, all I ask is their presence in my life and these days, it’s virtual anyway. Apparently even low maintenance friendships are hard to maintain.

Yes, yes, I am one sad-chip-on-the-shoulder-looney. But as I said, I am a sentimental fart and like the memories I collect, I did hope that my friend will be a friend forever.

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