Are you a Pinoy/Pinay from the 80’s? If you’re a telly-addict like myself, then you would be familiar with this old show called “Joey and Son” starring Joey de Leon and a very young Ian Veneracion.

My kababata is a spitting image of Ian especially when we were kids. We’re talking 4-6 year olds here. He still looks like Ian now only rougher but not in a good way.

Marlon and I were friends with his cousin, She. The three of us would play all sorts of games like taguang pung, bahay-bahayan, langit-lupa-impyerno, etc etc. We’d spend hours in our silong looking for dropped coins or catching spiders.

We even went to the barangay Day Care together but Marlon and I didn’t last long. He didn’t like it period. I didn’t like the lugaw they made us eat & the kids smelt bad.

He would often be the Tatay in our games but will also do the cooking, because I sucked at the traditional Nanay role. He can actually light the fire and cook boiled rice & veg in my palayok-palayukan.

Though we were friends, we’d often fight for silly reasons. We’d call each other names like bruha, bayawak and he’ll always end up crying. When any of his family hears him fighting with me, they’d be sure to give him a knock on the head or a generous twisting of his ear.

But he was a gentleman. I learnt to count really late and knew even less about money so he’d go with me to the store and count my change for me. He’d never look at me when Nanay insists on giving me a bath at our artesian well. He’d pump with his head looking the other way, while I stare at him making sure his head stayed that way.

We played  less and less as we grew older. By the time I entered a private primary school, we barely talked. Then my family moved to a different street and  we saw each other less.

When I was 11-12 y/o I started noticing him hanging around our street. It’s all very barrio-tic. I’d see him watching from afar or whisper loudly to his friends that he knows me. There were times when I’d do the ironing next to our window on the first floor and Marlon would be across the street looking up. Naniningalang-pugad, ever heard of that?

During the barangay pa-Liga (basketball tournaments) I’d quietly join my sisters to check the schedule. Though we already live in Purok II, I’d only watch Purok I games. I got teased a lot at home but Nanay refusing to believe kumikiri na bunso nya was adamant I was only very attached to our old home, which was true.

How I’d wish in my heart the games would go on and on. I’d stifle a gasp whenever he falls. I’d like to imagine he deliberately elbows the boys I knew because they actually manage to talk to me. But that could just be the kiri in me.

I was falling in-love with Marlon.

After elementary I was wishing at the stars to let him be my first kiss, my first dance and my first boyfriend - not necessarily in that order.

So when Nanay said I will join She and Marlon when I enroll for high school my whole being was secretly dancing. But nothing happened. He wouldn’t even speak to me. He’d ask She questions directed at me, like “What section is she in?“, “Where is their room?“. I remembered because I wanted to answer him myself but I couldn’t speak. I was as timid as him.

When the school year started we reverted back to looking at each other across the street. Sometimes we’d take the same tricycle to school, me hoping that he’d at least once sit with me inside but he never working up the courage to do so. So we continue stealing glances from the sidecar mirror.

I’d convince my barkada to walk the long way around to the school canteen just in the hope that he’ll be outside their room. I was already planning to make the first move, you know smile at him or at least catch his eye. But whenever I manage to catch him looking at me, he always ducks away.

Summer of 1990 I went to Manila and coming back I was determined that I will speak to Marlon and end the madness.

Aling Emer came on the day I came back to Nueva Ecija. She was crying and Nanay told me to leave them. I eavesdropped and heard that Marlon got an 18-y/o girl pregnant. I felt my world spun too fast.

I quietly cried into my pillow that night. I couldn’t tell a soul what happened and how I felt because no one knew. Even if my sisters and Nanay had any inkling they didn’t let anything show.

Our charade was finished.

After so many years, I was home from Uni chatting to She in front of their house when I saw her cousin. He came over to say ‘hi’. He was still shy but at least from then on he wouldn’t need to avoid me like the plague.

So when I was manning our sari-sari store for the night and he drunkenly made to buy something and saw me, I was surprised. We talked about Uni, made jokes about the deep tagalog terms used in Laguna. We talked about almost everything except our past (or lack of it) and his family.

Then he just stood there, quiet. He stared while I pretended to be unaffected. Then he sighed and said “Sayang tayo ‘no?“

I wanted to agree but I didn’t answer. Ohhh if he only had that alcohol-fuelled courage 8 years past…

This is one of the biggest forks in my life. All the Could-have’s hanging in the air.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 17th, 2009 at 6:16 pm and is filed under friendship, love. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.