Aling pag-ibig pa ang hihigit kaya
Sa pagkadalisay at pagkadakila
Gaya ng pag-ibig sa tinub’ang lupa?
Aling pag-ibig pa? Wala na nga, wala…

Gat Andres Bonifacio

We’re going to make our 60kgs allowance count. We have the jars of coffee, a bunch of tshirts, along with the lotion and make-up. Typical balikbayan stuff, all packed and squeezed in our bags.

But more than that our hearts are expanding by the minute.

We’re going to see our Pilipinas after 3 years for pogiBoy & I and after 4 years for hubby. We’ve not seen our parents for just as long. We’ve not seen our dear friends and our close relatives and our native soil for what felt like eternity.

We’re going to cram as much memory as we could carry in 3 weeks.

I am thankful that my sister’s house will be comfortable for us to stay in. And I am very thankful they do not have a landline therefore no internet.

Ex-communicado.

I’m mentally preparing myself not to cry when we land in NAIA. But I know even if I manage that, tears will fall when I hug Nanay & Tatay. I miss them so much.

Goodbye for now and God-willing, our paths might cross in Makati or Ortigas!

KWK will be back end of April 2009.

Written in 2000 while in Fargo, ND
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Nagpapasalamat ako sa mapang-aliw na musika’ng nagmumula sa speaker ng laptop ko ngayon. Nagpapasalamat akong lalo sa taong nagbigay sa akin ng MP3 ng “pizza pie”, “harana” at iba pang kabalbalan.

Nawawala ang pagkainip ko at nakukuha kong tumawa habang naninigas na ang aking kamay sa pag-gawa ng lintik na killer testcase na ito. Malaking utang-na-loob ang aking tatanawin sa grupo ni Edgar pagka’t dahil sa kanila lagi kong naaalala ang aking nobyo sa aking pag-iisa. Hindi dahil sa kamukha niya si Buloy, kundi dahil sa kanilang tortang talong.

O, kabastusan ang inyong iniisip. Kaninong tortang talong? Kay Edgar. Sabi niya “he ate the tortang talong and he grew strong.” Kita mo na! Masustansiya pala siya.

Ngayon paano ko naalala si Dyuwel dito? Dahil he is strong. Hindi lang yan, hindi na rin uso sa kanya ang harana. Tapos mahilig siya sa pizza pie, lalo na kung Shakey’s. Pero kung ako ang may dala, kahit saan galing kakainin niya.

Hay Edgar… Maraming salamat sa iyong musika. Inilalapit mo sa puson, este puso ko ang mga minamahal ko… Tortang talong, pizza, aso, bisaya…

pogiBoy called me upstairs as soon as I got home.

He packed his Man Utd bag with his “essentials”: a pair of slippers and a hat in case we go the beach, his toys for entertainment, one pair of pants, a shirt and a short!

“I’m ready for the holiday, mum.”

Do you think if my child was a girl she’d need a bigger bag?

I’ve not packed anything but aside from my food list, I have started the “to bring” and “to buy” lists. Scores of stuff are pile in one corner of our bedroom. I add anything I could think of we might need & I might forget if I don’t put there NOW.

It still hasn’t sunk in yet. But we’re leaving for Pinas on Tuesday! WOW.

Bring on the heat!

Some jobs, especially those with obscure titles, are difficult to describe. When asked what I do for a living I’m torn between giving them the technical description and just blurting out the simplest explanation. Should I dumb down my answer? Will they even understand half of what I will say? Should I watch for clues that what I said sunk in? Or are their eyes glazing over?

There are three people so far who asked me this very question & I’ve been so uncomfortable with the experience I couldn’t forget.

The first is my mum. I started working during my last semester in Uni. I was hired by a small software house in Makati and the salary (allowance really as it was non-taxable) for the training period was just six thousand pesos (6K Php). Since I was renting a room at 4K a month, I ended up asking Nanay to pay for extra money the first two months (maybe longer, the detail’s hazy hehe). Probably pitying her daughter’s situation she ventured that our neighbour’s son who had the same degree is working in the local Coop bank, perhaps I should try that, too? I said no and besides I wasn’t a programmer.

Nanay’s follow up was to ask me what it was I do anyway. I told her I test the programmer’s work. The look she gave me said she didn’t quite understand how the heck my job was different from a programmer’s. Besides what’s a programmer anyway? She tried to ask a few more times (every few months) to find out exactly what it is I do and why I get sent abroad, what do I look for in these programs?? She eventually gave up after 4 or 5 years. These days she just tells neighbours and friends that her bunso works with computers. Clean and simple, everyone nods none the wiser.

The second person who asked me this worked in my last job. She was part of the commercial team and I, being QA/testing, belong to the Technology department. I told her what I do and gave a few examples relating to our product/platform. She smiled and asked, “so is it hard?”

Ohhh. How do you answer that one? I don’t want to say it’s easy because it’s not. But I didn’t know what her reference point was. So I just said technically speaking it’s from the other end of the spectrum as our programmers. Technical know-how is essential to be effective but to have the domain expertise is also a must. A few nods were made to indicate she got it, but I don’t think so.

Okay in the “real world” QA/testing as a profession still needs a lot of make-up. We’re still seen as dumping ground for those that cannot code. But that’s another topic.

My point is, can I say nursing is easy? Or that writing as profession is easy? I’m not qualified and I don’t want to boast. I just know there are times in my job that I can do it with my eyes closed (that’s the time I need to look for new opportunities) and there are many times when I pray my skills are enough because I feel really stretched.

The third person actually was with several other people. They all look at IT as if I earn 24-carat gold coins and they earn gold-plated coins. When I told them what I do for a living, this guy said “IT is easy“. Afterall didn’t he know how to use a computer? It apparently takes some practise to master what us professionals takes years to learn. I was too disgusted/disappointed to say anything I just looked at him and then I turned to someone else.

Was he talking about practising using Word? Or was he thinking of mastering object-oriented programming?

One of the “listeners” said she’s thinking of taking some lessons in I.T and ditch nursing in the UK. Do I think she can do it? I said anyone can do anything they want, it depends on the person whether their life will be any different than what it is now.

I guess I was too profound they lost interest. Or perhaps they turned away with disgust, too?

I do get stumped a lot of times when asked what I do. I answer and still I hear “so, what does it mean? what do you do?”

I work for the MI6 as a Filipino counter-intelligence in the international arms trade. Will that be easier to understand?

We attended a children’s party last week. As usual you get people commenting how fast your kid’s growing up, how he looks well now, etc. Yes, mundane things to those who cannot relate. But those comments can spin for a long time if you’re a parent.

The hostess said pogiBoy is not only mummy’s lookalike, she said he’s also got my personality. I only heard the last bit in passing & I was busy talking to others. But I didn’t forget. I’m actually puzzled by the comment. I’m torn whether I should be flattered or insulted or worried.

See in Pinoy context, when people mention my personality more often than not it’s negative. They find me intimidating, insulting, scary, over-opinionated, arrogant, etc etc. No, no one’s ever told me that direct to my face, but I know and those close to me confirm that’s how some people see me. Sometimes they do, too, but they love me just the same. In fact, there are times when I realise that yes I have those characteristics. If I look at myself from the outside, it’s not difficult to understand where those remarks would come from. Afterall, my facial feature’s either sad or mad, it’s rarely “friendly”.

Because I’m anal-paranoid-obsessive (choose one) the comment’s been bugging me for a week. Is pogiBoy un-likeable? Did he catch an unpleasant attitude from me?

You’re now thinking there must be something wrong with me. E hindi pa ba naman obvious yun by now?

I used to mentor an Oxford intern. We were talking about literature during downtime and she said she’s into classics. I said I was too and said Edgar Allan Poe’s short stories and the Hunchback of Notre Dame are two of my all-time faves.

“Oh I meant Austen and the like.” hehe

So I bought “Jane Eyre” and to this day it’s on my stack of “to read/finish”. Talagang natapos ko na yung Pullman trilogy (Northern Lights) but I couldn’t get past the first chapter of Eyre.

This year I have had the pleasure of accidentally catching old English films on “Pride and Prejudice” (na talaga namang halos magasgas na sa dami nang remake), “Emma”, “Jane Eyre” and last night “Persuasion”, though I missed the first 30 minutes. Since it’s not BBC, I was almost reluctant to wee in case I missed a minute of it.

Para kong tangang kinikilig. I even sigh — hhaayyy. Salamat na lang at di ko nababasa ito nung high school ako. Kundi baka wala akong naging boyfriend. Lagi na lang akong magiging sawi.

Sana next time maabutan ko naman “Wuthering Heights”.

The last british film that I enjoyed was a teen flick called Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging.

It’s funny and romantic and brought my own high school memories back.

At the end of the film, crush ko na din yung object of the heroine’s affection.

Who can blame me naman?

Dapat ito ang gigolo!

Eto na, tomorrow is D-Day for us. We’re live hahaha

Fingers and toes crossed tightly.

A few things to note:

1. Si Dong ay mabuting anak sa kanyang ina, at least in terms of superficial distant letters. Nung Pasko at ngayong Mothering Sunday may card syang naka-ready to send. So hindi naman sya heartless jerk.

2. Si Consultant sobrang nag-i-stress sa dami nang trabaho namin. Ako naman parang in-denial na very calm. I keep telling Consultant to chill. Kaso sabi nya nagising daw sya nang 5am at ang nasa isip daw nya e “I haven’t finished this and that”. Before lunchtime sumasakit daw sikmura nya. Sabi ko very stressed kasi sya and it showed. Consultant was even testier than me! But I tried not to make patol & today sabi nya okay na sya.

3. I watched a British porn film for the first (& last) time over the weekend. I nearly fell asleep. Western porn films are boring. Mas na- titillate (basahin uli ang word for maximum impact) pa ko sa mga sexy na pinoy films like yung original na Scorpio Nights.

Wag nyo nang isipin na dahil sa #3 kaya relaxed ako sa #2. Naisip ko na yun.

I often wish I can clone myself or turn myself into something else. A butterfly maybe?

It’s crunch time at work. We’re going Live at the end of the week and we’re still receiving builds and patches. It’s bad enough we have not had a proper code freeze, but to be given changes a few days before Live??!

The lone consultant helping me out with the functional testing was moaning yesterday. Wishing there’s at least a week to complete the tasks. I try to calm the person a little bit by saying we’re not expected to complete a bulk of our manual regression testing, and to focus on the new changes.

Unfortunately the change released confounded the fact we didn’t have the time to re-jig our test data due to lack of resource. Now we’re having to work doubly-hard to get this halfway-done and for completion post-Live.

Gaaadd. My team’s like a never ending tasklist. You should see our WIKI page. It’s a testament to my OCD.

Then yesterday afternoon the neighbour called and said pogiBoy threw up in school. He was complaining of headaches and couldn’t breathe due to heavy colds. Hubby calls to ask me IF I can go home… He always does this, why can’t he volunteer for once? Because his Ward is busy and they cannot have a replacement etc etc.

How about me? I will end up leaving the consultant and miss my allergy desensitization.

I feel bad already about not being there with pogiBoy but he knows what pickle I am in right now.

Hubby goes home only to call later on that he has migraine and boy! was he “glad” he went home.

My desensitization yesterday was increased to the same level as two weeks ago. This dose caused me to have an alarming breathing problem. Naturally I was worried again.

God is merciful. I didn’t have any breathing problem. I took a few puffs of Bricanyl just to ease my breathing but I’m generally okay up to today.

pogiBoy was feverish and he really couldn’t breathe but he believes Jesus will heal him and we do, too.

Hubby is his baby-self. Waking this morning to ask me to work from home, which I can’t agree to. He’s okay, he tends to clamour for attention at the slightest chance.

I do want to stay home and play nurse to my two boys. But I can’t.

It’s a hard life, but we chose this. I guess you really can’t have your cake and eat it, too.

Sa Amerika kaya common din ang charitable causes? Dito kasi parang laging big deal.

Tatakbo ako o magha-hiking ako for AIDS sufferers, sponsor me.

Wala namang masama, medyo alien lang yung concept sa akin. Sa Pinas nagtataka nga ako kung bakit may mga game show na artista minsan ang contestants, don’t they have enough money already? E dito parang lahat nang “celebrity” may charity na sinusuportahan. Imagine the shame and shock kung bigla sasabihin nung contestant, “actually Chris I’m taking the prize to my bank, I need a deposit for my dream kitchen”

Anyhu, Red Nose Day nga kahapon. All week may fund raising activities sa school ni pogiBoy. 20p na cakes, biscuits, etc. plus bring some money for donation. Bukod dyan e may separate letter pa dahil may trip daw sa Brighton yung isang year (I forget which year exactly) sa Brighton at nanghihingi nang stuff for selling to raise funds.

Medyo naiirita ko sa ganyan. Imagine ha, hihingi nang stuff to sell to raise money. They don’t actually go to car boot sales to sell them, they sell them back to you, the parents. Bakit di na lang manghingi nang pera? Parang ganun din naman ang kinalabasan, papakahirap pa kong mag-reminder na kelangang magdala nang something.

I know, kusang-loob dapat. Nagkukusang-loob naman kami e. Pag siguro bilog ang buwan talagang lahat nang bagay napapansin ko.

Ahh no, i’m not having one of those red periodic days.

BUT before you get the impression I’m a total scrooge, I in fact love Red Nose Day.

BBC’s shows and all those wonderful skits, TV-addict heaven. I love the Stella McCartney shirts this year :-)

pogiBoy enjoyed it as well.