Companies and employers do not encourage staff to discuss their renumerations. I worked in one place where it’s actually against the Company Policy to talk about your salary and benefits.

We’re trying to build up the QA team by hiring permanent members. At the moment 90% are consultants.

Part of the hiring process, of course, is knowing how much the candidates’ are going to cost. We just agreed to hire two very expensive people. So expensive in fact that their figures will overrun the budget by at least 100%!!!

But they’re supposedly worth it.

I hope they are. I also hope that these two will not be thorns on my side. I’m not an effing secretary and I’m not a motherhen who will look after unruly kids.

Obvious ba’ng something is eating me?

Una e mas malaki pa sweldo sa akin nang mga kutong-lupa na ito.

Ikaw ang tumayo sa lugar ko, how would you feel?

Pangalawa experienced nga yung isa and I bet he will be really good. The catch? I don’t get the impression that he’s into following procedure. Pa’no ka magiging teamplayer?

And lastly ito’ng huli naman, walang formal QA or testing background! He’s got a good balance of the business domain knowledge and technical know-how. Fingers-crossed he can follow the very structured environment I’ve got in the team.

*deep sigh*

I don’t really know what to do. I’m indignant but powerless at the same time.

What do I do?

Do I go asking the boss for a raise just because those guys came in with a higher tag price?

Should I consider that fact that we’re not live yet?

Should I take into account that though I didn’t get a raise this year (my first year here), I did get a substantial bonus?

Should I wait until my “2nd year anniversary” and ask for an increase then? But will waiting make my arguments weaker? i.e. the product is Live and the newbies are no longer newbies by then.

Why don’t I know what to do?

I only like talking politics with old friends, old as in tenured. There are exceptions, of course. Sometimes I would disagree with a new person but I also learn in the process.

But I do hate talking politics and socio-economics with people who seem clueless about the world in general. I hate hearing people say “I don’t like Obama” and for explanation they can only come up with “I just don’t like him”.

Moreover I hate rumour-mongering with politics. “He’s a terrorist pala according to my blah in the US”

I hate discussions that pretend to be serious when in fact the arguments are stupid and hypocritical. “Bobo naman si Erap so he should never have won”

Fine. The man is no genius. But rather than slagging him for his personal traits shouldn’t we focus on why he’s not fit to be President in terms of his governance (or lack of)?

How can people pass off these comments as valid?

The Philippine media (and I guess the media in general) loves sensationalist reporting. They showed people cutting down Narra trees for uling and the viewers were indignant. What a waste, they shouldn’t do that, blah blah. Are you going to feed those people? Is it really new news? I bet the local government knew about the situation long ago.

They also showed (I didn’t have the pleasure of seeing it) young children hauling tabla from mountains, “trekking for 4 hours” and that the woods are rejected if they get dirt on the way down. “Ang la-laki nang paltos at may kalyo na sila”

At the time I was watching the coal “documentary” and commented that the kids are the victims because it’s obvious that their situation will be a cycle. Parang political dynasty sa Pinas, set na ang future nila.

The person next to me commented that the kids in the other segment (ie the tabla) were worst off.

I didn’t realise there were winners in either situation.

pogiBoy is growing up supersonically fast.

I envy some of the blogger mums because I’ve been unable to chronicle his progress and many anecdotes. I’m beginning to sound like a big “excuse”. But truly my spirit, heart and soul are willing, but my flesh is tired.

All I wanted to record for now are these thoughts.

pogiBoy is sweet and very thoughtful.

Back in April, he told his nursery carer that he was “very upset” because Dad was “sick in the stomach. All day long, according to Rose, he wasn’t as loud & he looked preoccupied.

Two nights ago my train was severely delayed when I was hoping I could join my family for dinner. pogiBoy remarked to Dad “poor mum, she’ll be hungry and tired”.

He would often give offhanded compliments.

I wore a dress in our Cuba holiday and was all made up, before hubby even opened his mouth, pogiBoy said “you look very pretty mum… I like that“.

These days he would touch my hair and he’d say “I like your hair“.

I mentioned this to our neighbour, where pogiBoy stays after school, and she said that she noticed it, too! Turns out my son’s also generous with his words to others.

She got changed and when she came out, pogiBoy just blurted out “you look thin in that“.

He’s also frank as most kids are.

I have not showered after a day of cleaning out his room. After his nap, I  sat with him to watch telly. As always he snuggled up to me. But as soon as he did, he turned away and said “you stink mum, you need to take a shower“. Totoo naman.

I think pogiBoy also has the funniest and oddest sense of humour. He’s got good timing as well. It’s just that some kids his age, or even adults who wouldn’t expect it of a child, will think he’s strange.

Last night hubby told me this: pogiBoy was playing with his Harry Potter wand and was turning hubby into animals like “abracadabra turn daddy into a pig“. Then all of sudden pogiBoy bent over and started walking unsteadily and chanted in a shaky voice “i’m an old woman, i’m an old woman“…

There are lots more and I’m sure not all those who would read this can relate. It can use a major edit & rewording but what the heck.

For hubby and I, pogiBoy is the best. Mukhang magiging chick-magnet ito. Ahem!

I was asked a “long time ago” by a resident member (ie. student) what it feels like to actually work.

Well I said it was fun and exciting. It was easy-peasy.

If I get asked the same thing now, my answer would still include exciting but I will fun with hesitation and it’s certainly not easy-peasy.

Sabi nga sa Spiderman: “With great power comes great responsibility”

Sabayan mo pa kaya nang pamilya at anak? Tapos nang Christian guilt? Plus inclination to stress and perfectionism and voila! Work has finally evolved into toil.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the fact that I have work. I know I am blessed that I am working in the industry of my choosing. That the people I work with are mostly friendly and supportive, but this is no longer my Pinas playground.

I’ve become a serious adult. I fear, I am now boring.

I’ve been waiting and waiting but now that I’ve seen it (and repeated it twice) perhaps I shouldn’t have bothered. The film just evoked passion that I cannot quench – yet. “Lust, Caution” is… well what’s the right word? Intense?

The film itself was unbelievably long given that the storyline doesn’t necessitate that treatment (IMHO). But overall, great cinematography, superb acting & Tony Leung made it a compelling watch.Ganito pala ang matigang. Gad, it’s a hateful state.

I thought it’s already weird that I got a crush with Stephen Chow. But OMG I was not ready for (little) Tony’s sex appeal. The way he portrayed his character was strangely hypnotic. Nakakatakot at nakaka-excite. Sucker talaga ko for dominant males. Gusto ko sya’ng sigawan “sige be rough to me“.

Makauwi na nga…

But… if you happen to know him, do ask him to contact me. charing.

She’s one of the few people who knew the real me. Hindi ko kailangang magpasintabi or mag-alala’ng di nya ko mage-’gets’. There was never a fear of being judged or perceived in the negative. We were always transparent with each other.

The funny thing is aside from my husband, no one else knows we’re really, really good friends. We were buddies but we didn’t have a common set of friends.

We were classmates in only one ComSci subject. We’re from different years/batch. We belong to rival student orgs.

It is amazing that since that lone course-work we remained good friends. We’d meet for dinner after work. We’d call each other. We’d hang out in bars at night. We talk up a storm and we never run out of topics.

I ended up in London and she in Melbourne, and our calls continued but rarely. When we do call though, it’s for at least an hour. When we email it’s kilometric. We give each other “status updates” on our lives, our new problems and dilemmas. Before the “catch you later then” we’d always say “one of these days” we’ll see each other either in Australia or here in London.

We meant it every time. But that day will never come.

The last time I contacted her, it was 3am in Oz and she said I amaze her by always getting in touch when she needed a friend the most. ESP, I joked. She was going thru a breakup, was in-between jobs and was fretting about her ex- wanting custody of her son. We talked for I don’t remember how long.

A few weeks after she called and said she did find a job and is feeling better about everything. I sent her a few materials on SQL and that was it. I got buried under work and family and wanting more time for almost everything that’s happening in my life then up to now.

My family went on holiday and on our arrival the first thing I remember thinking was getting in touch with her. That was 3rd week of September.

I forgot.

This morning a phone alert came up to remind me it’s her birthday. See I am forgetful I rely on automatic reminders.

I sent her a text message when I got in the office at 830am. I didn’t receive a reply but that’s not unusual. I logged in to my Friendster account, which is unusual for me these days, and saw I have messages. One was from someone I didn’t know and the subject was my friend’s name.

I couldn’t believe what I read. I was outraged. It could be a very, very sick joke or someone out to harm my friend.

I called her number, it wasn’t ringing.

The letter said my friend died on the 21st of September. She fell ill the week before and became gradually worse on the 3rd week of last month!

You know what they say, that the worst feeling in the world is thinking of all the “I should have’s” that you didn’t?

I realised today that Gay and I didn’t know each other’s families. We never involved anyone else in our twosome-world. I also realised that out of all those memorable times we spent together, we have no picture of “us”.

People will find it hard to believe we’re really good friends and we affected each other’s lives. I have no proof. I have lots of memories and I guess to old folks like myself, that will do me fine. I know what’s more important is I got to know her and we are friends.

After a lot of calls, I managed to talk to her parents. I just wanted to reach out and let them know how special their daughter is to a stranger (at least to them). That done, I felt better.

So many things are spinning around my head. Family, friends, all of whom are far away from me. I also thought of myself. If I died now, how would my friends know I am dead? I know I’d be gone but I wouldn’t want them to think I blanked them out of my life. I have friends who are like me, in-and-out but with lasting bonds and they will want to know.

I don’t know how to end my post. I just can’t believe that one of the people who brightens my life is no longer here. The world, my world, just became a little grey.