17.FebI can’t protect him every single time
Around November-December of last year, Kelvin started telling me and his dad stories about this boy in his nursery. In his halting speech, he would explain that Bamboo hits him or pushes him or smacks him. At first we didn’t want to read too much into it knowing how kids can sometimes play rough and that some toddlers still don’t know how to share. Maybe it’s harmless.
We spoke to his main keyworker and she assured us that they will keep a closer watch on the boys.
2 January, Kelvin was back in nursery and the first thing he told me and his dad after school was “Bamboo hit me again”. I have not even asked him how his day was. This time the nursery manager spoke to us to assure us that they are taking this seriously. She felt, like us, it could just be boys you know playing rough.
Then last week I dropped Kelvin off and I was waiting for another mummy when I happened to look inside their room again. What did I see? Kelvin was with 3 other kids from his room and they were laughing then this Bamboo reached out and punched my son on the chest!
I wanted to break down the door, thankfully the mother I was waiting for was right inside. She saw what happened, too.
I tried my best not to get mad at the kid and calmly told him never to touch Kelvin again. I dragged Kelvin to the breakfast room where their inefficient senior staff, Jeanette, was. When I told her what happened, instead of assisting and asking where and how it happened she didn’t want to know. She told me to talk to the parent! Incredible!
Hubby spoke to the keyworker in the afternoon and I spoke to them again a few days after. It was amazing. This Jeanette told them that it happened outside the nursery and therefore was not within their area of responsibility!
I corrected their assumptions and the staff in Kelvin’s nursery said that they are separating the two in any activity. But I told them to watch this Bamboo closely and not to leave the kids unattended. It is okay when adults are around, what if their backs are turned?
I’m still fuming. I’m mad at the boy for hurting my son. I’m frustrated that Kelvin did not hit him back. I’m angry at that staff’s unethical reaction and utter disregard. I’m mulling over a formal written complaint about her. But I’m more concerned about my son.
I can’t get rid of the image I still carry in my head. When Bamboo hit him, all Kelvin did was touch his chest where the punch landed. He did not cry, he just looked shocked. The other kids also just stood watching, also shocked. I don’t want him to grow up feeling like a victim and acting like one. Being oriental, non-white, he’s a candidate for racist-bullying and he is starting in the “big school” in September. What will I do? What can I do?
It’s mean but I’ve been telling him to fight back.
“Hit them if they hit you”.
“Stay away from that boy, don’t play with anymore”.
Are instructions enough? I feel rotten having to say those things to a 3-year old. But every day when my son says “Bamboo not my friend, he not nice”, I can’t seem to think straight at all.
This entry was posted on Sunday, February 17th, 2008 at 10:44 pm and is filed under motherhood, my hero. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Auee, I feel for you. Esp since I also have a son, who is very oriental looking and who is going to be studying in this western country someday.
3 years old. They are so young pa they are not yet ready to be bullied or be bullying. Sarap siguro hilahin sa tenga yung batang Bamboo na yan. Yung Jeanette na lang kaya.
As I’ve said in one of my blog entries, I will be sending Evan to karate lessons, it may seem silly to be thinking about this early but reading your post it just seem to make sense to me. Problema nun kung si Evan ang mam-bu bully. Wag naman sana.
awwwww…I’m so sorry to hear about this Auee. I don’t understand the way most of these kids are brought up in western countries. Sure may mga bullies din dito sa atin, but they’re not that mean and cruel. If you notice how these hollywood movies portray high schools or grade schools in the States, you will get scared talaga.
When I was in elementary, I did not witness that kind of bullying among my classmates or schoolmates so it’s sad.
Hmmm I’m pretty sure Kelvin will learn to defend himself, maybe not in a way that he’ll inflict pain to this Bamboo boy too but he will know how to stand up for himself…mabait lang talaga yung anak mo kaya cguro he doesn’t want to fight back =)
naku, i don’t have a kid yet but i feel for you. iniisip ko palang, naiinis na ako. and what is with this jeanette lady? so inefficient!
yung anak ng mga friends ko dito are all studying in british schools. problema din daw nung una kasi parating tinutulak or sinusuntok (to think babae mga anak nila!). they tried complaining at first but apparently, according to the teachers, normal lang daw yun. gosh! kaya ayun, after studying here for two years, matatapang na mga anak nila! hindi na patatalo, haha! so yeah, teach your kid to fight back. mas traumatizing kung hindi siya lalaban.
hi geri,
Sinabi, gusto kong kutusan nagpigil lang talaga ko. Plan ko ding i-enrol si Kelvin sa martial arts dito but most clubs has a minimum age requirement. When he turns 4 I will start shopping around. At first I wasn’t really thinking of self-defence but exercise and discipline, but now…
hi verns,
So true! Ako din growing up bullying was limited to name-calling. It’s really scary because there were reported incidents of suicides and attempted suicides in numerous schools last year.
I blame the proliferation of gangsta-rap. It’s so “cool to be bad”.
This is horrible Auee! I can’t even comprehend how a 3-year old could be a bully. I also don’t understand how the staff could be so unfeeling… walang malasakit. I’m fuming mad myself and I can’t imagine how you must feel. It’s true that you can’t be there for him all the time. But I’m quite sure that bullying is quite common in developed countries, so there must be someone or something out there (maybe you can search the net) who could provide help and advice to both parents and children. I wish you and Kelvin all the best in dealing with this.
It is unfortunate that this Jeanette won’t do anything about it. So what if it was outside the nuyrsery. Bullying is no light matter. I would have instructed my children to tell an adult leader first about what happened. That is under normal circumstances but when this fails, I told them to fight back. This is one fight they will have to face by themselves. We cannot fight for them. I hope by this time, that bully has stopped already.
grabe talaga ang mga bata dito. kainis! pero mas nakakainis yung staff na deadma lang.
welcome back
hi chung,
thanks for dropping-by. Eto just saw the news there’s another suicide victim, query for bullying.
Sana nga matutong lumaban.
hi toe,
Salamat. Kainis talaga nung makita ko nga kaninang umaga gusto kong dunggulin. May mga orgs nga dito, tingnan ko nga, tama ka. Thanks for the advise.
hi tito rolly,
Yeah we’ve been telling him to tell their staff. But we only started telling him to push back after this last incident. When I spoke to the staff last time, I made sure the kid was within hearing distance. Konting panakot ‘baga.
hi denden,
Salamat. Musta na? Samahan mo nga ako minsan sa nursery at pagtulungan natin hehe
I can totally relate to this. frustrating talaga that we can’t protect them all the time, esp. when they’re in school tapos something unpleasant happens.
next time, have Kelvin attend taekwando classes para may pang self defense.
I’ve read somewhere that behind a bully is a sad story. The little boy could be a victim too maybe at home but then again, it is still not good to hit somebody. I had the same experience with my daughter. She has this male classmate who used to hit her and sometimes pushing her or pulling her arms. Told her to stay away from the boy or just punch him in the face if he continues to do so. Sigh. Wish we could just fight for our little ones.
I can relate to your story. Yohan has a classmate who often hurts him but in this case, the boy is a special child. In the Philippines, it is now a modern practice to integrate special education in private schools. I’m not sure about the ratio but I think that in Yohan’s school, they can accept one special child for each class (subject to proper assessment). Anyway, Yohan often tells me about how this boy hurts him in school. Nothing serious but for a mom, I’m still alarmed. I just told the teacher about it and she said she is constantly keeping on eye on the boy. The boy is a nice child, but sometimes due to his condition, his actions can be quite unpredictable.
Recently, Yohan came out of his class crying. I immediately asked him what was wrong. Apparently, he was upset because his teacher put the boy in the “quiet chair”. When I talked to the teacher, she said that the boy struck her so she gently reprimanded him by placing him in the “quiet chair”. The incident had nothing to do with Yohan. I realized that despite some untoward incidents in the past, Yohan still had a soft heart for his classmate.
Oops, napahaba story ko. Sensya na.
cge, sabihin mo lang at puntahan natin on my way to work. hehe. sa dagenham ba yun?
Hi Auee, ganyan din sabi ko sa anak ko, fight back…hirap kasi pati teacher-aide or whatever that Jeanette does, walang malasakit…When my girls transferred to big school last year, me nambully kagad. I went to the Principal’s office, guidance counselor and the class adviser a day after it happened. Hayun, narendahan kagad ang bully..From then on di na sya makalapit sa anak ko…
hi auee. hay naku, i know how you feel. kakainis naman yung jeanette na yon. ive heard of such reasoning and it really, really irks me. when our children enters the gate pa lang, responsibilidad na nila ang bata. grr!
Gee, I know how that feels. My daughter was bullied around in grade school — and I taught her to fight back and really monitored her progress in developing defensive skills.
I would have filed a formal complaint too, as a last resort. Kagigil sila.