28.Augmucho loco
I have been struggling for nearly two months to completely shake off my persistent depression. This is the longest it has stayed with me, at least that I can immediately recall. There were okay periods but I am in a downward spiral. The simplest task is taking its toll on me. I don’t want to move. I don’t want to bathe. I don’t want to think. Most of the time I don’t want to talk.
I push myself to engage my son, my husband, and do my work. I tried to bloghop & resolved to visit at least all those in my blogroll, but failed – a number of times. I promised the weekend will be better, but at least 8 weekends have passed and I got nothing done. At least, I don’t see a huge change in my to-do-list.
Between March and May I was on a high. I zipped thru my workload. I would make up 20-odd things on my to-do list and still have the energy to stay awake late at night to wait for my husband. I didn’t feel an internal struggle to do anything, I just move.
It’s different now. I struggle to stay awake, to stay focused, to be present. I hate this. I don’t like the fact that I want to do so much but I’ve run out of fuel. Can you understand? It’s crazy why I allow myself to swing up & down like this. I could pop a pill and my mood radar will probably estabilize. But just the thought of another medicine I need to take makes me want to puke, I can almost taste the sick in my mouth.
I can shake this bastard off on my own. I know I can, I just need to give myself time. Prioritise what I need to do. And pray that nothing else f*cks up.
Hey I’m feeling better already. I got one new post (this) and it’s nearly end of the working day. Another day bites the dust.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 28th, 2007 at 5:00 pm and is filed under depression. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
I understand completely. Sending lots of hugs your way.
I’m not going to say “do something to relax, go to a spa or read a book” because I know how futile that is when you feel so anxious and alone.
This will pass. I know you can surpass it.
hi auee. no words will erase what you’re feeling but i guess, you are just at the trough of life right now. you’ll get by. just take one day at a time. take care.
so that’s why this blog has no updates these past weeks.
take care of yourself. i’ll include you in my prayers
Hi Auee :-)
It can’t be helped as we all go through these but… get a grip woman! I’m just being sarcastic, sorry…but seriously though, just talking about it helps a bit, doesn’t it? As what they’ve said, it will pass…
Nice to hear from you again and I hope to see you in the near future :-)
Auee what if I cried after reading this entry? What does that mean? It’s like you’re describing what I’ve been feeling these past few days.
sucks big time!
No worries, girl! You’ll get through this, pramis
Hey. Hindi ka nagiisa. I recorded one 6-week episode of blues in my journal two years ago (I hadn’t discovered blogging then) I documented what I was feeling (mostly numbness and poverty of thoughts and ideas and inability to be enthusiastic over anything) — so I’d know, the next time an episode comes, that it would pass.
It would pass, Auee.
Hi auee, I missed your posts.
The women here said it all so well, so here’s my hug na lang. (((hugs)))
This too shall pass. Hang in there… and take care.
the sun always shines tomorrow… hope all is well with you!
This blog post is the first step out of your present state, Auee. Here’s a virtual hug for you. :-)
It’s good to acknowledge how you feel rather than pretend it isn’t there. Whether it is a good feeling or otherwise, it is OK to say “Hey, I feel great!” or just “I feel lousy!”.
I hope to meet you some day, Auee. Funny, but I came across an article some time back about yoga showing promise for depression, anxiety and epilepsy and I blogged about it. I should do some more research on this to see if this has been proven.
Meanwhile, take care of yourself and know that all of us posting here wish you well. Prayers included.
hi Rockin’ momma Auee!
Just dropping by to check on you. I hope you’re feeling better.
((hugs)) to you Auee.
At least you were able to write about it so you are going to be ok. I miss you girl.
BR and ((hugs)) too to Kelvin.
have you taken a vacation?
hope you feel better…
There’s nowhere to go but up. =) Here’s hoping things will look better for you soon. If you missed it, please check viloria for my Tapestry of Stories post in my angelhouser archives. I hope it makes you smile even a bit.
Hi Auee! This is a long overdue visit and I’m sorry to read that you’re down in the dumps but, like they say, when you’re down, there’s nowhere to go but up.
I have my down days too – sometimes I fight it (look for 101 ways to stay cheerful, upbeat, etc) but sometimes I just let it happen because I’m too stressed, too tired to fight it. I guess that’s normal.
I hope you feel better.
Hey, Auee. Hope you have snapped out of it na. …. there I said one for you. You’ll be fine!!
hi all… I’m doing great. Thanks for all your kind words. I am slowly going through my personal to do list & will get back to my “regular” programming soon!
As in “now na”
:-P
verns, I hope you’re all better now, too…
jane, I found your article before I thought I even left a comment. Salamat ha.
angel, thanks I will look at that