Ito na siguro ang pinaka-unreligious easter ko. I didn’t get to do the station of the cross. Hubby didn’t manage to attend the confessions, partly my fault coz I didn’t help in coordinating his schedule. Since coming over to London, I’ve never attended Ash Wednesday. And I don’t see the “washing of the feet” mock -Last Supper rendition of the church any more (they do it here, too).

Tinatanong ko sarili ko kung nagi-guilty ako. Hindi naman, pero meron ding maliit na boses kahit paano, siguro e catholic guilt ko. We ate meat on Friday, nakalimutan ko kasi. Pero sa totoo lang kahit nung nasa Pinas ako, di ko talaga masakyan yang part ng tradisyon ng Pinoy (lang?) na wag kakain ng laman, wag maliligo bago mag-alas-tres, wag magsasaya, etc.

Anyway, masama mang pakinggan pero ang primary goal ko talaga sa 4-day break namin dito was to enjoy myself & to relax. And I did, actually – my entire family did. We went to Hyde Park. My kid fed the ducks, he ran around, he laughed a lot. Hubby & I watched a couple of R-rated films. We had an impromptu barbie on Sunday. The weather was so nice. My son didn’t take his nap & we didn’t ask him to. He just rode his bike again & again. All three of us played footie & “clean-up games” in the garden. I made some turon using plantain & also used Connie‘s fish lumpia recipe for a late lunch/snack. Then to cap it all, we ate our dinner al fresco. My boy slept like a log & woke at 6am the following morning to ask for milk & slept again til 8am.

I kept receiving random hugs & kisses from my son and from my hubby, the entire long weekend. Now that’s a break…

The other day I sent an email to everyone in the office & I used LMK (i.e. Let me know) at the end. Our COO, whom I adore, asked me later on what it meant. Then laughed when I told him.

Working in IT I just always fall in the ass-u-me role all the time when it comes to things like these.

When I was inducting a couple of DLSU interns years ago, I used “FYI” in a statement. A hand came up asking what it was. I “assumed” they knew because presumably they’re into texting (they won’t stop even when told & most of them are brats) and also chats.

Oh well.

On the otherhand, I often encounter NB (nota bene) here in London. Normally in Manila, we tag them as spelled out “note:”. Maybe NB is used in Pinas, too I just didn’t encounter it in my former workplace?

Kaninang umaga nasilipan ko yung cute na officemate ko. Nasanay yata na tatlo lang sila dito sa opisina. ABA e ginagawa palang dressing room yung meeting room?! May appointment ako for 9am, ni-request nung consultant na gagamit daw sya ng projector, so ich-check ko sana kung ok pa ang set-up sa meeting room.

Pagbukas ko nung pinto ng meeting room, may narinig na kong kaluskos. Akala ko naman kasi e “normal” na tao lang yung nandun. Bakit ko naman kasi iisiping may semi-naked bod duon? Hehe Kita ko boxer shorts nya, kumikinang na puti. Siempre labas ako agad. Sya naman nagkakandarapang magtago sa likod ng isang pillar, inaalis nya kasi yung isang leg ng jeans nya so nagkakandirit sya — let me laugh — haha

Kikindatan ko sana pagpasok nya sa office namin. In fairness, pwede syang pumasok ng naka-boxer shorts lang at di pangit tingnan ha!

I have been thinking about the best way of putting this sob story out here. I view it as very personal, but at the same time it’s interesting. Reading Annamanila‘s entries prompted me to post it sooner while I still have enough time.

I didn’t realise that betrayed women go thru similar cycles: denial, rage, sadness & acceptance. I know other life-changing events evoke the same. I remember watching a Simpsons episode where Bart showed all 4 in one minute when Homer & Marge were about to split.

In Annamanila‘s entries on some women’s unfortunate experiences with their husbands, the first thing that stood out to me was how the “first” wives react towards their perceived enemy. They are condescending. They feel superior. They resort to finding fault in the adulteress.

When I was in a similar situation long ago, I, too, looked down on the girl. Although I was only 2 or 3 years older, but because she was like a younger sister to me, I saw her as a child. I wanted to forgive her even in the early days of my “discovery” but I gave way to rage. It gave me some release, I guess. I wanted to destroy her, I didn’t but my whole being wanted to slam her face in the dirt & my hands were yearning for her blood. Ex got the same treatment. I would have loved to swing a baseball bat to his face until it crumbled, either his face or the bat or both.

Anyhow, as you can see I didn’t end up in jail. Looking back I have underestimated her. Had I played the meek, powerless nymphet, I would have “won”. You know how it is, they say men like soft, helpless maidens but cannot live without strong women. And some women often play coy & do act like some princess in the tower to catch their prey. However, knowing what I know now, wouldn’t want to win if the prize was my ex and I’m not saying that because I’m still bitter.

Ex was a nice guy though he doesn’t have anything in the looks department. More importantly, I was too young to get involved in a serious relationship (we started dating when I was 17 & we’re expected to get married when I graduate). I have yet to see what the world has to offer me & what I can offer the world in return. When my eyes were veiled with Cupid’s poison, I didn’t see how stifling my so-called love was. I didn’t see that I could have had a better deal with someone who will support me 100% & potentially someone who will not be threatened by my sexuality or my capabilities. Friends saw it, some of whom are even his cousins, but I was a fool. Thinking back I don’t know why I didn’t get out sooner when he would often humiliate me in company of friends & non-friends! I was stupid & naive. Thinking about it now makes me cringe. I even missed a chance with this really hot Robin-Padilla-lookalike in Uni!

I guess I’m luckier than most of Annamanila‘s correspondents. The affair happened when I was free as a bird and I was just about to explore my reality. At first I thought the pain would never end, but it did. Initially, the nightmares recur every night. I was self-destructive, bulimic, and probably crazed. But when I told myself that it’s really over, I cannot take him back, I don’t want anything to do with him: I began to rediscover myself. Of course, I’ve had the “beautification-phase”, too. It wasn’t necessarily a “look-at-me-now” moment though, rather it me taking care of myself after years of self-imposed neglect.

Turning my back on him was a signal for them to officially come out. For me, it was waking up from a very deep slumber & discovering how much I am really worth.

Some people ask (it’s been so long, come on people!) if I’m friends with ex and the girl. What? Why? Sure I will never forget them, but there’s no room in my life for such excess baggage.

I have been quite busy at work the entire week. I’ve got so many ideas & thoughts I wanted to blog about but I don’t have the time. What do I do? I write sentences & phrases in a notebook, thinking I can put them up later. “Later” means when I have the time when I’m at work, which is looking impossible in the next two weeks at least.

Why not blog at home? Because home is family time. I hate using the computer at home, too much. As it is I will be taking some work home for the 4-day stretch starting tomorrow. When I do use the PC at home, it’s when my kid is sleeping & when I should be sleeping next to him. Working in IT 8-6 monday to friday, I don’t want to be staring at the monitor outside those hours.

I will try to post as regularly as possible now (before months pass before a new post), but it will probably be not a daily thing. Baka maging once a week lang lalo pag super busy na ko… Sorry guys, and sorry self…

I cannot concentrate at work. I’m too sleepy & a little bit traumatised by the failure of the public transport last night. Imagine, there was power failure on ONE line and it affected the ENTIRE network! It took me 4 hours to get home! I was so eager to get home as hubby’s off tomorrow which meant we can spend some and also my boy was being very cute when I left in the morning & I wanted to make it up to him by extending his bedtime & do some sticker game first.

My hell started because of sheer stupidity. I got to the rail station with delays already occuring, thinking it’s too far to walk back to the underground station near my office I stuck it out & got the first train available. That was my biggest mistake. Perhaps I was so agitated, my brain blocked the fact that the nearest underground station was just next door! Had I thought of it, I would have been on time or at least just an hour late.

Anyway, the train has been in one station for 40 minutes when I decided to take the DLR (similar to Pinas’ LRT). It was a smooth ride. Then I switched to the Jubilee Line which was even better. I was feeling very positive when I immediately got a District Line. I thought nearly home then, just 6 more stops. Actually that was my nightmare starting.

The tube stopped in-between station. After 15 minutes the lights were switched off, okay fine it’s only dusk & we were told they needed to cut the power off to let the c2c train through. Okay no griping from me, I just want to get home.

After 30 minutes, the driver asked whether there was any underground staff. Two came. After an hour still nothing & it was now dark. The driver switched on 2 lights in each carriage. Then a passenger learnt from another passenger in the next station that the c2c which passed us was instructed to halt so we could proceed, what did the passengers do? They jumped onto the track! Obviously causing more problems.

To cut the story short, we ended up on the tracks ourselves. On reaching the nearest station we were told there was no replacement bus to take us forward! By this time the entire District Line was suspended so the buses were full coming from the City. I had to elbow my way in the second bus that came along. It was 945pm when I reached a connecting bus stop. I just missed my bus! I waited for another 30 minutes (longer I think) in freezing wind, for my next bus.

I was anxious, I was hungry & I was cold! Hubby was waiting for me in a parking lot when I got off the bus. I was so hungry I stopped & bought some chips to sustain my 3 minute drive home — I can’t wait that long anymore. When I went upstairs hubby told me my son was saying I’m gone because they left the train station without me (I told them to go home by 730pm). He woke up & asked for water, then told me to lie down next to him. So the three of us slept together in one bed for the first time in many months.

It would have a good ending to a sordid day but I had a nightmare. I dreamt women were pulling out their placentas & the placentas, which looked like frog eggs, were rubbed on walls. They were mad & they were killing their unborn children. Where did this come from? I’m guessing I’m worrying about our decision to stop my injectables. I don’t want to get pregnant accidentally.

The madness probably relates to the managers of London’s public transportation.

When I interviewed for my current job, the CIO told me that the people in this business aren’t nice to the point of being rude. I guess he was using shock tactic. Anyway, I got the job and I haven’t encountered any rudeness so far. But then it’s too early to tell.

A few weeks ago there were a lot of “suits” in the office & there was no coat stand, so everyone’s flinging their coats, macs, and jackets on empty desks and behind empty chairs. Our COO was so incensed he went to the fifth floor (which we don’t own) & dragged a coat hanger from there to our room on the third floor. He placed it near my corner. Now that the suits are gone, my coat is (nearly) always the only one hanging there, as the COO often stays just a few days here.

Across the room from me are the senior management who are always in business attire. I thought it’s only a matter of days & they will take away my precious coat stand (ang babaw ‘no?). It’s been two weeks & no one’s touched it.

Now compare that with my former workplace. There were three coat stands. One, was in the “business development” area so it’s always overflowing. The second was behind the CTO, which he uses to hang his dirty bike gear and wet towels & sometimes even dirty socks! The third was in reception where an umbrella lives. Now at the far end of the room are at least 10 people whose coats are on the floor, on PCs, everywhere. So I approached the office manager to ask if we could have the lonely stand & she said yes. So now we have a decent stand. After a week, it disappeared! I don’t know who actually took it & moved it to the business area near the CTO, CEO and the VP for Marketing. I suspect it’s either the VP or the CTO, as their coats often hang there and CEO really is not the kind of guy to be bothered with such trivial things. I felt really offended but I kept mum about it. What’s the use? That simple act really defines how it was in that old place. As our comptroller told me, she was shocked to learn it’s a boy’s school.

This isn’t my litmus test, mind you. And as I said it’s very early days to say whether I will not encounter bulls and snakes in this place, but I’m just glad I’m out of the pits.