Churchill has one and he strokes it everyday. I wrestle with mine every week. Mahirap. I thought I’m going mad. Maybe I just need to focus my attention on something. But when the cloud descends, my energy is sapped. I don’t want to do anything but lie down and think. I see nothing but bleakness and all my problems seemed magnified. I find fault in everything and I cannot appreciate humour. Some would say I’m just in a foul mood. I wish it was that simple.

Sometimes I win the battle & I can shake off the beast. I can enjoy the rest of the day & feel better about my life, not myself but MY LIFE. Other days, I succumbed & do nothing but cry & despair. I’m one big drama queen.

It is under control. I live a normal enough life and I function. I’ve never attempted suicide & I never self-harm. I guess I learnt to live with my dark dog. There is no getting away from him anyway. I just try not to feed him. Someday I hope he’ll starve to death & never show up.