My parents were pretending to be casual last night as they relate how a family friend’s (also living in London) guestroom is always booked. That she & her husband managed to forge a friendship with those they work with, albeit all are still Pinoys. Then my dad’s double-entendre rubbed more salt to a gaping wound by stating that it’s not bad to have at least 10 circle of friends who visit and that we visit. My mom added matter-of-factly that I should have friends from work come over.

Five year in London and I always ask myself, why am I friendless? Am I really friendless?

My husband & I moved out of the London town we originally settled in for several reasons. Topmost is the property price. We can afford it but we’d be limited as we’re also investing back home, tripling our monthly outgoings. The other personal reason was we didn’t want to be near the original Pinoy crew from my husband’s hospital. We don’t like the intrigues, the gossips, the cliques & most especially the gauging of our lifestyles.

We took a risk. No more dropping by a friend’s house two-blocks away. No more surprise calls saying they’re on their way to eat dinner at our place. No more sudden invitation to go joy-riding or carboot sale hunting. Now we live a good-30minute drive away from “them”. It takes a lot more planning to get-together apparently.

Working full-time, with a 1-year old to look after and an irregular nurse’s shift to consider, moving about & “dropping-by” our friends just isn’t as easy as before. I’m sure it’d be the same if we were living next door to our closest friend. I mean, I only have the weekend to do all the motherly-things & domestic-chores expected of me, can I really afford to spend 2 hours in public transport just to have tea with someone who’s probably as busy? Who’d do the laundry? Who’d cook dinner? Etc Etc.

But yes, I am missing the point. The point is my parents think I (& my husband) have no friends. I think so too. I personally have no shoulder to cry on when I am frustrated with my husband or when I am so tired from work & home that I want to tear my hair out. But it’s a personal decision to put everyone at an arm’s length. Fear of hearing your tears reverberate in the “Pinoy community” stops me from being open.

I miss my friends back home. My true friends. I keep telling myself I will make friends here, someday. It seems impossible now. I like my officemates & I get invited to parties & to after office do’s but I never jump in. I’ve no one to blame but me, I don’t want to mingle. So there. I am alone but not really. I have my family and that’s all that matters.

Sure I miss the socialisation but then I meet up with ex-colleagues now and then. I also chat & lunch with present teammates. We’ve three new Pinoy families we go to parties with in our new place. We call and receive calls from the closest Pinoy friends we have. I get emailed by former officemates. We visit our old town now & then, probably once every two-months to attend baptismals, birthdays, etc.

That’s enough social interaction for now. Am I limiting myself? Yes I know. What can I do?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 23rd, 2005 at 9:54 am and is filed under buhay OFW, family. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.